Neckties!
I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell hate to have to wear a tie. To me, it is akin to a multi-colored noose that serves only as a food magnet. Curiously, the price of the tie seems magically to be directly proportional to the amount of food it attracts and the staining power of said food, particularly mayonnaise and other oil-based edible gookum. My dry cleaner has put a kid through college removing “lunch†from my ties.
I have often wondered just who should be blamed for inflicting this useless fashion accessory on men all over the world. It turns out that it wasn’t a single person at fault, but rather a regiment of Croatian soldiers who, after kicking the Turks’ asses in 1660, marched into Paris to be presented to King Louis XIV. They were wearing brightly colored silk handkerchiefs around their necks, which was probably a custom borrowed from the cloths worn by Roman orators to warm the vocal chords.
King Louis, a fashion-minded guy, was so taken with the colorful adornments that he created his own Regiment of Royal Cravattes (the word cravat, being derivative of the word Croat), the members of which decorated their necks, as did the Croats. The practice of wearing these damnable things traveled to England and eventually to the United States, thank you very much.
Who among us hasn’t cursed a blue streak, when trying to dress in time to make an appointment, has had to tie and re-tie the damned necktie a half dozen times to get the length of the front and back pieces just right so as to be the proper distance from one’s belt? Why??? The only “rational†reason I have ever heard for wearing a tie is that it hides the buttons on one’s shirt. This strikes me as tie-industry baloney, because what’s so bad about buttons?
Fortunately, I don’t have to wear the damned things anywhere near as often as
I used to, which suits me just fine.
Oh, and a final word to the Croats and their multi-hued neck rags. Bite me!
For a bit of history of this cursed fashion accessory, see here and here.
What? Ya mean Glenn Reynolds didn’t invent them jes’ to make the rest us rue the day we passed the bar exam.
Comment by Tig — December 10, 2004 @ 9:48 pm
If they were wearing anything close to panty hose those damn Croats were truely evil!!
Comment by Tammi — December 11, 2004 @ 12:44 am
What are we waiting for? Let’s invade Croatia. Once we free them from their yokes of oppression, they’ll be dancing in the streets and handing out flowers to the American GIs.
Comment by Jack Bog — December 11, 2004 @ 8:59 am
One of my co-workers insists on wearing ties Monday through Thursday, in spite of the fact that virtually everyone else wears jeans and sneakers. He was upset with the tie he’d chosen one day last week because it had a Christmas Tree pattern on it that looked nice on the long-ways part, but the trees were (oh my gosh) SIDEWAYS on the knot. No, he doesn’t have a life far as I can tell.
Comment by Shamrock — December 11, 2004 @ 10:24 am
What was bizarre is that when I read this last night, I forgot I still had my tie on and didn’t even notice it as I sat and watched TV until it was almost time for bed.
Comment by Tig — December 11, 2004 @ 7:58 pm
Tig — That’s sad, buddy.
Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — December 11, 2004 @ 8:45 pm
If you ever see me with a tie on (except for the occasional wedding, etc.) please shoot me. It will be proof that I have been brainwashed by Croats or the like.
Comment by Dash — December 11, 2004 @ 11:59 pm
Interesting. I always thought they were worn to keep food off your shirt….kinduva like a bib for grown men.
Comment by Rita — December 12, 2004 @ 8:21 am
I recall listening to Paul Harvey’s The Rest of the Story when he gave the histry presented here, though with slightly more detail. By golly, I DO know the rest of the story!
Comment by Auskunft — December 12, 2004 @ 3:57 pm
Ties. Are. EVIL.
Comment by david — December 13, 2004 @ 12:48 am