First Geese. Now, Bears are in the Bull’s-eye. The Jersey Bear Hunt.
I suppose it is a natural consequence of New Jersey’s being the most densely populated state in the Union that the rights of people and animals vying for the same limited space sometimes collide. As noted here, New Jersey recently gassed a couple thousand Canada Geese when the other less drastic measures failed to convince the birds to leave the State’s parks and recreation areas, where they regularly were depositing literally tons of goose doody.

So now, it’s the bears. It seems strange, even to me – a lifelong Jersey resident, that in this highly industrialized, seemingly always-too-crowded state, we would have a farookin’ BEAR problem. Perhaps that’s because I have never run into one on my street.

Well, it turns out that there are an estimated 3,300 black bears in the state. The population increased from an estimated 2,600 last year. (Obviously bears are doing more than just shitting in the woods). While black bears have been seen in 15 of the state’s 21 counties, the greatest concentration is in the northwest quadrant of the state.

Unfortunately for residents and for the bears, there have been an increasing number of bear-human confrontations, including a bear’s swatting a two year old while he sat on the front porch of the family home. More tragic, was the mauling of 5 five month old in New York State last August.

Citing “public safety” concerns, the state’s Fish and Game Council has decided to authorize the first bear hunt in New Jersey in more than thirty years. Seventy percent of the approximately 2,300 residents who submitted comments, reports and data in connection with the public hearings concerning the hunt favored permitting the hunt to take place.

Not surprisingly, animal rights groups that three years ago successfully pressured the state to cancel a planned hunt, oppose this year’s hunt and have threatened legal action.

The state plans on issuing 10,000 (yes, 10,000!) permits to hunt bear for a six-day period in December that coincides with the state’s traditional deer hunting season. Bear hunters must attend a training seminar, and only shotguns with slugs or muzzleloaders will be permitted. The hunt will be monitored through a system of tagging to avoid overkilling.

The state claims that there are no good alternatives to the hunt, and I did not see any offered by the anti-hunt people, other than simply asserting that reducing the population will not stop the bear-human confrontations.

I know people who have seen bears around their homes with some regularity, and most of them are afraid to allow their small children to play in the yard unattended. I think most people would agree that the bears typically are only seeking to rummage through garbage, or are just “passing through.” However, I can understand the concern of those who regularly find bears on their property. Recently, this problem came to a rather nasty head when police filed criminal charges against a resident who shot a bear that he claimed was threatening his family. The debate raged, much of it not very civil.

I don’t pretend to have an answer, but there is one thing I know for damned sure. With 10,000 people hunting bears and God knows how many thousands hunting deer all at the same time in a small section of our state, it will not be safe for bears, deer or PEOPLE. During that week in December, I plan on staying away from any piece of ground that contains more than one tree.

Sauna Pants.

The Ultimate Insult, who introduced us to “Wing Sings,” now brings us Sauna Pants.

Quite simply, sauna pants are to haberdashery what Wing’s singing is to music.

Enter the Sauna Pants site, and select “English.” Scroll down for a description of the product. Here is just a wee sample:

“WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF SAUNA PANTS !!!
AFTER YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU’LL SURPRISE AND REALIZE THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN ROUGHLY, AND SO, YOU’LL EXAMINE YOURSELF AGAIN.
BUT, ANYWAY, I’M SURE THAT THE READING WILL MAKE YOU FRUITFUL.
DIDN’T YOU TAKE YOUR TESTICLES ROUGHLY WHEN YOU ENJOYED HOTBATH, SAUNA, HOTSHOWER, FAR-INFRARED RAYS? NEWSPAPER SAYS THAT THE TESTICLES OF THE WORKERS AROUND THE KILM, FURNACE, OVEN AND MELTING TANK ARE WEAKEN SLOWLY DAY BY DAY.”

I have no doubt that you have taken roughly, so what the hell are you waiting for?

You absolutely must, I say, MUST check this out.

What is it About Blogging?

Let me begin by saying that I am on the wrong side of 50. I have had the good fortune of being fairly well educated. Hell, one of my degrees (plus a passing grade on a bar exam) even permits me to practice law. I think I’m a fairly reasonable sort.

So, with that said, why do I catch myself quietly rejoicing to see that, at least for now, I have transcended the status of “Flappy Bird” in N.Z. Bear’s Blogosphere, and I am now one of the “Adorable Little Rodents?” Why is it that I unhappily catch myself wondering whether I have any shot in the foreseeable future at becoming a “Marauding Marsupial?” I take no pleasure in admitting to myself that it somehow matters that any notion of my becoming a “Large Mammal,” or a “Playful Primate” seems hopelessly remote, or that my becoming a “Mortal Human” or a “Higher Being” seems about as likely as a powerball win.

Flappy Bird? Adorable Rodent? Marauding Marsupial? What’s going on here? I’m a grownup, for Chrissake!

So, this morning I made a very grownup decision to cease expending any energy thinking about such silly things. Grownups, especially ones with some gray in their hair (luxuriant though such hair may be), should not bother themselves with such trivia.

Links schminks. Hits schmits, I say.

Then, later this morning I saw that N.Z. Bear also now ranks blogs by traffic.

Hmmmmm.

Never mind.

Happy Blog Anniversary!
Before I head out to take advantage of the nice day here in the Garden State, I want to congratulate Cousin Jack on the one-year anniversary of his blog. Prior to having launched Jack Bog’s Blog, Jack had created a web page, which he still maintains, that is primarily devoted to providing useful information to his students. However, even there, with his “Gallery of Jacks,” he found a bit of room to display his first-class sense of humor.

Jack is a nationally respected legal scholar, a consistent winner of teaching awards from his students, a terrific storyteller (one had to be in order to hold one’s own at family gatherings), and an all around nice guy. Oh, and did I mention that Jack can write his ass off? One of my favorites is his remembrance of being a sixth grader the day President Kennedy was assassinated. Great stuff.

Finally, as many of you know, but for his deciding to blog one year ago, I wouldn’t be writing here today.

Thanks, Jack and, again, congratulations.

One of the greatest things about living is that, if you keep your eyes and ears open, you truly can learn something new every day.

Last night, having been intrigued by the curious title of the documentary “Okie Noodling,” I tuned in towards the end of the film. I have always used the term “noodling” to describe something akin to surfing the Internet. I doubted that something so mundane would have piqued the interest of a documentary filmmaker. And, I wondered why “Oakie” noodling? (I believe that this refers to the documentary I watched.)

I soon learned that the “noodling” that was the subject of the documentary had nothing to do with computers or “noodles,” of the pasta kind.

Noodling is the art/sport/activity, practiced in a handful of southern states, which involves hopping out of a boat in pretty nasty looking water to catch catfish with one’s hands. Not being a fisherman, I watched a bit, imagining that in a minute or two one of these guys (they noodle in teams) would pop out of the water with a catfish, maybe a foot long, wriggling in his hands. WRONG!

One of the noodlers dragged a fish out of the water that required three men to toss into the nearby boat. It must have exceeded 100 pounds. I have since done a little reading on the subject here, and here, and I learned that the technique of noodling is to try to get one of these monster fish trapped in an underwater hole and to hope that he/she takes a shot at biting the noodler’s hand, at which point, the noodler blocks all avenues of escape and tries to grab the fish by the side of the mouth (to avoid the multiple sand papery-like teeth that fill the fish’s mouth) and the gills. A miss could mean that the fish grabs the noodler by the hand or arm and either causes a nasty injury or, in the worst case, prevents the noodler from breaking the surface thereby drowning the noodler. A few people die each year noodling.

To see a photo of the size of the fish that noodlers drag by hand out of the water, click here.

Absolutely amazing.

As for me, I think I will restrict my noodling to the computer.

At the Sound of the Tone….

The following was sent to me by my friend Brian, who is an Air Force Veteran and a retired police officer. Enjoy.

Police Department’s Answering Machine

Hello, you have reached the Police Departments’ Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options:

Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day.

In grade school, we were forced to learn the Preamble of the Declaration of Independence by rote. As we got older, we sometimes thought a bit about what those words we memorized so long ago really meant (e.g. the right to the “pursuit” of happiness versus a right to a free lunch). However, many of us do not often read the entire document.

Here is your chance. Cousin Jack has posted the text of the Declaration of Independence in its entirety. Read it, and I dare you not to be taken with the passion expressed in the document, the profundity of the issues raised, and the courage displayed by the men who put pen to paper and signed the document.

The Declaration is not a stodgy bit of flowery prose, difficult to understand and even more difficult to relate to today. On the contrary, it is a brilliantly written, angry, scathing, and highly particularized indictment of the King of England, who is referred to in the document simply as “He.”

Read it and be proud. Very proud

Read it and be thankful. Very thankful.

Liberia.

American troops to Liberia? Bad idea. I believe that country has been a mess since 1822. Sounds to me like a job for the French.

Duck and Cover.
Acidman has requested (challenged) Maripat and Lori, from Right We Are, to subject themselves to his 25 question interview. They are to answer the questions without consultation with each other, and Acidman reserves the right to offer some “comments.”

They have accepted.

I’m psyched.

Carnival of the Vanities #41.

It’s up at Amish Tech Support. Go read!