This morning, I walked past a local hair salon and slowed down to be sure that I was correctly reading a printed sign in the window. The sign read:
I spent the better part of the remainder of my walk trying to figure out what the heck â€œEyebroW Threadingâ€ might be.
I found that, before I could focus on the big picture, I had to give a bit of thought to the use of the capital â€œWâ€ on the sign. Accidental? Purposeful? If purposeful, to what end? Could it be a subtle reference to the President? Was it an attempt at a sort of graphic balance, with the letter â€œbâ€ serving as the balance point in the word? After a few minutes, I decided that the use of the capital â€œWâ€ was just plain dumb and that a small â€œwâ€ would be more appropriate (and not dumb).
Having resolved the Capital â€œWâ€ issue to my satisfaction, I lumbered along trying to divine what â€œEyebrow Threadingâ€ might be. Hereâ€™s a disturbing peek into what goes on in my cruller on occasions such as this:
Jimbo asks Himself: â€œMight Eyebrow Threading describe the process of weaving someoneâ€™s eyebrows into cornrows or something similar?â€
Jimbo answers Himself: â€Cornrows? Are you nuts? Some people have pretty bushy eyebrows, but no-damned-body has eyebrows long enough to weave them into cornrows. Besides, if that were the case, the sign would say â€˜Eyebrow Weaving.â€™â€
Jimbo asks Himself: â€œWait a minute, dammit. Iâ€™ve seen Andy Rooneyâ€™s eyebrows, and Iâ€™ve seen where a guy carved the Lordâ€™s Prayer on the head of a farookinâ€™ pin. Iâ€™ll bet that a guy like that could weave cornrows in olâ€™ Andyâ€™s eyebrows?â€
Jimbo answers Himself: â€Yo, first of all, nobody has eyebrows as bushy as Andy Rooneyâ€™s, and second, youâ€™re talking about a sign in a local hair salon in this bullshit town, fer Chrissakes. You think they would search the world to find the Head of a Pin Carving Guy and hire him to come here to weave farookinâ€™ eyebrows? Sheesh.â€
Jimbo asks Himself: â€œWell then, maybe Eyebrow Threading involves weaving decorative threads through peopleâ€™s eyebrows? Maybe they hang decorative stuff from the threads?â€
Jimbo answers Himself: â€Decorative threads? Man, sometimes you slay me. Have you ever seen anyone walking around with threads in his or her eyebrows? I didnâ€™t think so, which means that you damned well never have seen anybody with little ornaments dangling from eyebrow threads. I think you need oxygen.â€
Based on the foregoing admittedly unsettling schizoid conversation, I decided that neither one of knew what â€œEyebroW Threadingâ€ is. So, promptly upon my return to the House by the Parkway, I checked it out.
The straight skinny is that Eyebro[w] Threading is a form of
cosmetic hair removal torture that originated in Arabia and Africa. The practitioner of this black art uses a special thread as a mini-lasso to ensnare eyebrow hairs (or hairs anywhere on the face or hands) and yank them out by the roots!
I have three observations concerning this practice:
1. Are you shitting me?
2. I had no idea my town was so â€¦ wellâ€¦ chic.
3. I wonder if they charge extra for a unibrow.