Huh?
This morning, I walked past a local hair salon and slowed down to be sure that I was correctly reading a printed sign in the window. The sign read:
EyebroW
Threading
I spent the better part of the remainder of my walk trying to figure out what the heck “EyebroW Threading†might be.
I found that, before I could focus on the big picture, I had to give a bit of thought to the use of the capital “W†on the sign. Accidental? Purposeful? If purposeful, to what end? Could it be a subtle reference to the President? Was it an attempt at a sort of graphic balance, with the letter “b†serving as the balance point in the word? After a few minutes, I decided that the use of the capital “W†was just plain dumb and that a small “w†would be more appropriate (and not dumb).
Having resolved the Capital “W†issue to my satisfaction, I lumbered along trying to divine what “Eyebrow Threading†might be. Here’s a disturbing peek into what goes on in my cruller on occasions such as this:
Jimbo asks Himself: “Might Eyebrow Threading describe the process of weaving someone’s eyebrows into cornrows or something similar?â€
Jimbo answers Himself: â€Cornrows? Are you nuts? Some people have pretty bushy eyebrows, but no-damned-body has eyebrows long enough to weave them into cornrows. Besides, if that were the case, the sign would say ‘Eyebrow Weaving.’â€
Jimbo asks Himself: “Wait a minute, dammit. I’ve seen Andy Rooney’s eyebrows, and I’ve seen where a guy carved the Lord’s Prayer on the head of a farookin’ pin. I’ll bet that a guy like that could weave cornrows in ol’ Andy’s eyebrows?â€
Jimbo answers Himself: â€Yo, first of all, nobody has eyebrows as bushy as Andy Rooney’s, and second, you’re talking about a sign in a local hair salon in this bullshit town, fer Chrissakes. You think they would search the world to find the Head of a Pin Carving Guy and hire him to come here to weave farookin’ eyebrows? Sheesh.â€
Jimbo asks Himself: “Well then, maybe Eyebrow Threading involves weaving decorative threads through people’s eyebrows? Maybe they hang decorative stuff from the threads?â€
Jimbo answers Himself: â€Decorative threads? Man, sometimes you slay me. Have you ever seen anyone walking around with threads in his or her eyebrows? I didn’t think so, which means that you damned well never have seen anybody with little ornaments dangling from eyebrow threads. I think you need oxygen.â€
Based on the foregoing admittedly unsettling schizoid conversation, I decided that neither one of knew what “EyebroW Threading†is. So, promptly upon my return to the House by the Parkway, I checked it out.
The straight skinny is that Eyebro[w] Threading is a form of cosmetic hair removal torture that originated in Arabia and Africa. The practitioner of this black art uses a special thread as a mini-lasso to ensnare eyebrow hairs (or hairs anywhere on the face or hands) and yank them out by the roots!
I have three observations concerning this practice:
1. Are you shitting me?
2. I had no idea my town was so … well… chic.
3. I wonder if they charge extra for a unibrow.
Jimbo,
That is wrong on so many levels. Those of us of the hary persuation, crindge at the thought. You really must see someone about you talking to yourself. lol
BG
Comment by bg — January 3, 2006 @ 12:33 am
Oh, duh! Now that you’ve described it, I know what you’re talking about. Classier salons have people who do threading rather than waxing. My salon briefly had a woman who “threaded” facial hair. I understand that it hurts less than waxing.
Comment by buffy — January 3, 2006 @ 3:09 am
OMG! I just checked out the link. I think threading is a minor issue compared to the information given under “Bikini Waxing.” The only way you could give me a “Brazilian” wax job was if they were prepping me for surgery, and I was tied to the bed!
Comment by buffy — January 3, 2006 @ 3:13 am
“Minimal redness occurs after threading”
Uh-huh. I know what THAT means.
Comment by rita — January 3, 2006 @ 5:26 am
As a charter member of the “Black-Irish Single Eyebrow Club”, I would like to state that I have tears in my eyes just thinking about threading.
Comment by MCPO Airdale — January 3, 2006 @ 12:46 pm
Dayum …
Can you imaginve what kind of sicko the person was who thought this up?
RWR
Comment by RightWingRocker — January 3, 2006 @ 1:44 pm
Pammy asks herself: Now, just why would ‘threading’ be any less uncomfortable than your trusty pair of tweezers that cost…what?…a buck or two?
Pammy answers herself: It’s NOT less uncomfortable. It’s the same thing…you’re pulling hairs out from the follicles. Doesn’t matter if you’re using a lasso or tweezers…or a damn come-along, for that matter. It IS, however, ‘trendy’. ‘Trendy’ inherently means ‘we can charge all these suckers 25 bucks because it sounds new and….IT’S TRENDY.
In the name of all that’s unholy and TRENDY, kill me. Kill me now.
Comment by Pammy — January 3, 2006 @ 1:56 pm
holy crap. i can’t even imagine what the feel like. i can’t stand when one of my beard hairs gets caught in the zipper on my hoodie.
Comment by gregor — January 3, 2006 @ 6:29 pm
Pammy beat me to it… it’s glorified eyebrow plucking – that’s it. Guess some people will pay for anything. Not that I mind spending money… even frivolously – but I have my own pair of tweezers and I don’t have to pay anyone to use them. OTOH I suppose there are those who would say I could use all the professional help I could get… LOL.
Comment by Teresa — January 3, 2006 @ 11:27 pm
Yeah… I’ll stick with wax. No threading for me. Youch! Perhaps the capital W was to simulate two eyebrows poking at each other?
Comment by Bou — January 3, 2006 @ 11:46 pm
Way to bring tears to my eyes. Thanks. Eeeee…
Comment by amy — January 4, 2006 @ 9:12 am
maybe I need one
Growing old is a real bitch. Among the many disturbing differences I’ve noticed in my body, the changes in my…
Trackback by Gut Rumbles — January 7, 2006 @ 5:32 am
Good gawd. If you could mine so much Bloggy Gold out of eyebrow threading, how ’bout a good old Brazilian Wax Post? I know you can do it!
Comment by Elisson — January 7, 2006 @ 4:45 pm
That’s almost as weird (but not quite)as anal bleaching…another fad. Yep, go google that.
Found out about that while reading a blog. lol
Comment by Cindi — January 7, 2006 @ 5:04 pm