For reasons I do not recall, I got to thinking about the phrase â€œHereâ€™s mud in your eye,â€ a common utterance when one toasts another.
I wondered about the origin of the phrase, and Google produced a few possible answers ranging from it being: (1) a reference to the mud kicked up by a winning race horse into the eye of the person riding the second horse, (2) a reference by WWI soldiers to the mud in the trenches and (3) a reference to Jesusâ€™ placing mud in a blind guyâ€™s eye, which cured his blindness.
Then, as often happens, when I think of such things for too long, the goofy switch trips, and a veritable mental shitstorm ensues. To wit:
Hereâ€™s topsoil in your nostrils.
Hereâ€™s compost in your ear.
Hereâ€™s crabgrass in your va-jay-jay.
Hereâ€™s mulch in your mouth.
Hereâ€™s gravel in your ass.
The exploding mental turds didnâ€™t stop with combinations of earthy substances and human orifices.
Hereâ€™s roaches in your lunch.
Hereâ€™s dogshit in your socks.
Hereâ€™s boogers in your ice cream.
Hereâ€™s gasoline in your jelly donut.
Hereâ€™s coleslaw in your wallet.
Hereâ€™s maggots in your shaving cream.
Hereâ€™s crotch pheasants in your jockstrap.
Hereâ€™s cat hair in your corn flakes.
Hereâ€™s ear wax in your biscuit.
Hereâ€™s armpit hair in your Jell-O.
Department of Introspection: A form of Tourette Syndrome or a simple case of douchbaggery?