For reasons I do not recall, I got to thinking about the phrase “Here’s mud in your eye,” a common utterance when one toasts another.
I wondered about the origin of the phrase, and Google produced a few possible answers ranging from it being: (1) a reference to the mud kicked up by a winning race horse into the eye of the person riding the second horse, (2) a reference by WWI soldiers to the mud in the trenches and (3) a reference to Jesus’ placing mud in a blind guy’s eye, which cured his blindness.
Then, as often happens, when I think of such things for too long, the goofy switch trips, and a veritable mental shitstorm ensues. To wit:
Here’s topsoil in your nostrils.
Here’s compost in your ear.
Here’s crabgrass in your va-jay-jay.
Here’s mulch in your mouth.
Here’s gravel in your ass.
The exploding mental turds didn’t stop with combinations of earthy substances and human orifices.
Here’s roaches in your lunch.
Here’s dogshit in your socks.
Here’s boogers in your ice cream.
Here’s gasoline in your jelly donut.
Here’s coleslaw in your wallet.
Here’s maggots in your shaving cream.
Here’s crotch pheasants in your jockstrap.
Here’s cat hair in your corn flakes.
Here’s ear wax in your biscuit.
Here’s armpit hair in your Jell-O.
Department of Introspection: A form of Tourette Syndrome or a simple case of douchbaggery?