August 21, 2008

Here’s X in your Y.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:31 pm

For reasons I do not recall, I got to thinking about the phrase “Here’s mud in your eye,” a common utterance when one toasts another.

I wondered about the origin of the phrase, and Google produced a few possible answers ranging from it being: (1) a reference to the mud kicked up by a winning race horse into the eye of the person riding the second horse, (2) a reference by WWI soldiers to the mud in the trenches and (3) a reference to Jesus’ placing mud in a blind guy’s eye, which cured his blindness.

Then, as often happens, when I think of such things for too long, the goofy switch trips, and a veritable mental shitstorm ensues. To wit:

Here’s topsoil in your nostrils.

Here’s compost in your ear.

Here’s crabgrass in your va-jay-jay.

Here’s mulch in your mouth.

Here’s gravel in your ass.

The exploding mental turds didn’t stop with combinations of earthy substances and human orifices.

Here’s roaches in your lunch.

Here’s dogshit in your socks.

Here’s boogers in your ice cream.

Here’s gasoline in your jelly donut.

Here’s coleslaw in your wallet.

Here’s maggots in your shaving cream.

Here’s crotch pheasants in your jockstrap.

Here’s cat hair in your corn flakes.

Here’s ear wax in your biscuit.

Here’s armpit hair in your Jell-O.

Department of Introspection: A form of Tourette Syndrome or a simple case of douchbaggery?


  1. Jim!

    This is your bellybutton — while you’re staring at me, please dig out that cheese-like deposit of crusty-lint, eh?

    Comment by Mike R. — August 21, 2008 @ 9:20 pm

  2. Or, as a good friend of mine always says, Up your kilt!

    Comment by Omnibus Driver — August 21, 2008 @ 9:33 pm

  3. …. most definitely douchebaggery……. definitely…..

    … and trust me, I know a bad case when I see it….

    Comment by Eric — August 21, 2008 @ 9:36 pm

  4. Let me just say that ol’ Jimbo’s mind doesn’t work the same as most other peeps, and let it go at that…

    Comment by DMerriman — August 21, 2008 @ 9:44 pm

  5. Douchebaggery? Perhumps.

    It’s the kind of post I would write. In this case, the kind of post I wish I wrote.

    Here’s loam in your Eustachian tubes!

    Comment by Elisson — August 21, 2008 @ 10:14 pm

  6. As the night school registrar used to say, here’s looking up your records!

    Comment by Cousin Jack — August 22, 2008 @ 1:29 am

  7. Here’s semen on your blue dress!

    Comment by hammer — August 22, 2008 @ 2:11 am

  8. Here’s rain on your parade!

    Comment by Joan of Argghh! — August 22, 2008 @ 8:47 am

  9. crotch pheasants?!

    That’s definitely gonna chafe.

    Comment by dogette — August 22, 2008 @ 10:17 am

  10. my grandmother used to say “here’s cheese in your bucket”. haven’t a clue.

    Comment by gregor — August 22, 2008 @ 2:48 pm

  11. Here’s clustering indexes up your null values.

    Comment by Cappy — August 22, 2008 @ 9:12 pm

  12. I stopped at the crotch pheasants… Ummmm…. okay… can’t quite get past that one. *grin*

    Comment by Teresa — August 23, 2008 @ 12:51 am

  13. So did you think up all these nuggets of wisdom after a few chocolate vodkas?

    Comment by Maeve — August 23, 2008 @ 2:57 am

  14. Here’s a attorney with hair in your 99 percent.
    After all this is now and we can trace your ass.
    Love ya both but let us wait at least three weeks before meeting, OK.

    Comment by snoopy — August 23, 2008 @ 1:00 pm

  15. Very cute, ha-ha, but…TIME FOR A NEW POST ALREADY! Sheesh.

    Up with the azootik off of Mr. Recliner and sit your tush down in front of Mr. Laptop. I’m getting a little impatient here.

    Oh, and here’s feckies in your goolah.

    Comment by Erica — August 24, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

  16. Hmm. Somebody must have wished me unclosed tags in your preview-disabled comment boxes. It’s practically become my calling card.

    Comment by Erica — August 24, 2008 @ 3:22 pm

  17. I’d like to see the lawnmower what deals with crabgrass in my vajayjay.

    Comment by LeeAnn — August 24, 2008 @ 9:44 pm

  18. I’m surprised that Elisson didn’t mention his trademark “Here’s turd in your punchbowl.”

    Comment by zonker — August 29, 2008 @ 5:01 am

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