March 2, 2009

Death is Not an Option.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:06 pm

I thought a little diversion from the news horribles of the day is in order.

What say we play a little mind game? Not exactly like a crossword puzzle or that brain-numbing Sudoku thing – nay, this is a game of choice. The key is that you must choose one of the options provided. It is most important to remember that death is not an option.

Would you rather:

(a) Mug it up for five minutes with Helen Thomas; or
(b) Eat a tablespoon of dogshit?
Remember, death is not an option.

(a) Watch Chuck Schumer take a shower; or
(b) Watch Barney Frank take a shower?
Remember, death is not an option.

(a) Perform a prostate exam on Michael Moore; or
(b) Smack your thumb hard with a hammer?
Remember, death is not an option.

(a) Listen to 24 hours of non-stop Hillary Clinton speeches; or
(b) Watch a 24 hour marathon of “The View?”
Remember, death is not an option.

(a) Give Harry Reid a one-hour massage; or
(b) Stand waist-deep in a cesspool for four hours?
Remember, death is not an option.

Now, wasn’t that fun?


  1. You are mentally fucking ill. Is not playing an option?

    Comment by Erica — March 2, 2009 @ 9:09 pm

  2. I mean…”Perform a prostate exam on Michael Moore???” That reminds me of that British Latin thingie, Anus Horribulus.

    Comment by Erica — March 2, 2009 @ 9:11 pm

  3. Yeah! That was fun! Can I play?

    Watch Chris Matthews kiss photos of Obama, or
    Have your spine adjusted by a WWF wrestler?

    Comment by Joan of Argghh! — March 2, 2009 @ 9:27 pm

  4. I bow to the master.

    Comment by LeeAnn — March 2, 2009 @ 9:41 pm

  5. We gotta get you a hamster or a goldfish or something that you can just sit and watch and mellow the fuck out. You’re starting to get into scary territory, Jimbo, and if you don’t get out of this downward spiral, you may well find yourself on some serious chemical supplements.

    Comment by Dave Merriman — March 2, 2009 @ 10:02 pm

  6. Here are my options, Jimbo!

    1. Make Helen Thomas (Urp!) eat a tablespoon of dogshit!
    2. Make Chucky Shumer take a shower with Bawney Fwank…and make them scrub each other!
    3. Smack Michael Moore’s thumb hard with a JACKHAMMER and then make him give himself a prostrate exam with that thumb!
    4. Make the freaks of “The View” watch Hitlery speeches non-stop for 24 hours…and then switch!
    5. Make Harry Reid stand in a cesspool for four hours and let him massage himself (he’d prolly enjoy it!).

    Comment by Lee — March 2, 2009 @ 10:26 pm

  7. Numbers 1 and 2 hold no terrors for me – I’ve worked in nursing homes and in hospitals, I’ve had people throw shit at me… literally. I could make all three sorry they had to interact with me and I wouldn’t leave a mark. Heh.

    Number 3 – let’s see, … Michael Moore – the prospect holds vast appeal… I’m just thinking of all the ways I could ensure that he would never again sit comfortably. Yes, I must ponder this – it’s an interesting thought.

    Number 4 – OMG – I’ll take Hillary. I had to listen to the View 2 times last week for less than an hour the second time (at my dentist – I wanted to beg for some nitrous oxide!). While I intensely dislike the woman, at least she has more brains than a box of rocks – which puts her far ahead of all those women on the View combined. Also, I can scope out her strategy and publish it to the world. One must always know the enemy – as unpleasant as it might be. If she gets really annoying I can ask her how Bill is… it would be fun to see her head explode.

    Number 5 – I’ll take the cesspool. If I can’t scrub out Harry’s mouth with soap or stick something into him where the sun don’t shine – I don’t even want to be in the same room as the scum.

    Comment by Teresa — March 2, 2009 @ 10:49 pm

  8. No. Not fun.

    Comment by Cappy — March 2, 2009 @ 10:53 pm

  9. Jimbo….
    Interesting mind game, I`ll try to stay within your rules…..

    1. b, A lotta salt & pepper & I got lots of penicillin pills, I`d chance it
    2. b, as long as it is a golden shower, everybody`s happy
    3. b, been there & done that….I survived
    4. a, the mute button on my TV Control is stuck, Can`t hear a thing
    5. b, I got chest wader`s & a cold , can`t smell a thing.

    Comment by dudley1 — March 2, 2009 @ 11:09 pm

  10. You come up with some interesting stuff.

    Comment by Kevin — March 2, 2009 @ 11:11 pm

  11. It’s a maaaaaadhouse! A maaaaaadhouse!

    Comment by dogette — March 3, 2009 @ 9:01 am

  12. Scrubbing my brain out with Clorox bleach is an option.

    Nay: a necessity.

    Comment by Elisson — March 3, 2009 @ 2:18 pm

  13. Hmmmm… Seems kinda lightweight so far.

    How about:

    a) Go down on Nancy Pelosi – or –
    b) eat a fistful of hair & soap scum from the homeless shelter shower drain.

    Or maybe:

    a) Apply Preparation H to Ted Kennedy’s cankered bunghole – or –
    b) lick the bottom of a week-old catbox?

    Comment by El Capitan — March 3, 2009 @ 2:40 pm

  14. Uhm…if Nancy Pelosi was on our side (please don’t throw ‘maters at me for saying this), I don’t think she would be terribly un-hot. For her advanced age, I mean. Although, her being a goddamned snake, whose ugliness starts from within and seeps through her pores, she is obviously a hideous monster, whose head should be shoved up her own vagina. Then again, being from San Francisco, odds are she’d enjoy it. Oh hell, you just can’t win.

    Comment by Erica — March 3, 2009 @ 8:13 pm

  15. Yo, El Cap,

    You da man.


    Comment by Jim — March 3, 2009 @ 9:09 pm

  16. I gotta change #13

    a.Go down on Nancy Pelosi
    b.Eat a hockey puck, Unfair I know because if you are hungry enough , a hockey puck is edible.
    a. apply Preparation H to Swimmers cankered butthole
    b. take a car ride with Swimmer

    Comment by dudley1 — March 4, 2009 @ 10:12 am

  17. Sounds like lots of latent you know what going on here on the right.

    Comment by Harvey Milk — March 4, 2009 @ 2:21 pm

  18. Come on Sean….

    The movie is over & you are no longer Harvey Milk. The proposed holiday in San Francisco for Harvey/you is Bullshit.By the way “Fast Times at Ridgemont High ” was a better movie for you professionally & suited you more so then Harvey.

    Comment by dudley1 — March 5, 2009 @ 10:03 am

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