August 25, 2009

Off the Top of My Cruller.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:57 pm

1. I often see people write the word “Woot!” as a celebratory exclamation, but does anyone actually say “Woot!”?

2. If everyone were to buy one of those cutting-edge electric plug-in cars and then everyone were to plug them in, where would all the electricity come from if we close down the coal mines?

3. Twice on the way home from work, I encountered assholes who decided they wanted to stop the car and carry on a conversation with people standing on the sidewalk, and they didn’t much give a shit that they were blocking the farookin’ street. That’s when a rocket launcher would come in handy.

4. The best diet sodas are Diet Dr. Pepper and Coke Zero. By the way, in New Jersey, don’t call it “pop” or “tonic” or “coke” (unless you really want a Coke). “Pop,” sounds particularly silly to me.

5. Speaking of soda, it has been my experience that once one gets one-hundred miles from New Jersey or New York, it is exceedingly difficult, if not impossible, to find seltzer. No, I’m not talking about club soda. Seltzer is carbonated water, while club soda is carbonated water with sodium bicarbonate in it.

6. One appliance I’d have a tough time doing without is my Keurig single cup coffee maker (the Platinum Model). I buy the coffee online, sticking to the extra bold, gorilla stompin’ varieties.

7. I promised myself that this little bit of mental wandering would not deal with politics, but my difficult-to-manage rage with the douchebaggery of the current administration and with the federal government in general has broken through and screwed up this meaningful interlude with youse peeps. I shall stop writing now.


  1. Have you ever tried Dr. Brown’s Diet Black Cherry Soda? I am not much of a soda drinker (definitely not a “Pop” drinker), but it is my experience that no carbonated beverage goes finer with an overflowingly juicy and warm pastrami on rye at Katz’s. You should try it sometime. It’d be my treat.


    Comment by Erica — August 25, 2009 @ 9:04 pm

  2. I’d get a coffee maker, but that would mean I would have to make my own coffee and clean it all up when done. Hmmm… nope not worth it. LOLOLOLOL.

    Oh and at least there you know why they have stopped. I swear the people around here live in a different universe than I do… they just stop for no known reason. It’s only by sheerest luck I haven’t hit anyone.

    Comment by Teresa — August 25, 2009 @ 9:58 pm

  3. 1) In a deliberate attempt at being even geek-ier than I already am, I have upon occasion, written/said “woot” — though when writing it, it is High Style to use the digit zero, versus the letter ‘oh’: w00t.
    2) About the time “everybody” has an electric car, we should have fusion power generators online.
    3) That, or a flamethrower, a la a James Bond car.
    4) Natives here in Montana call it ‘pop’; it’s a way to distinguish themselves from tourists.
    5) Then again, the farther one gets from New Jersey or New York, the more palatable (and toxin-free) the regular water tends to be.
    6) If I got one of those, I’d wear the dang thing out in no time flat. Only full pots of coffee for me.

    Comment by Dave Merriman — August 25, 2009 @ 9:59 pm

  4. Mmm. Yeah. I’ve said woot.

    Comment by Bou — August 25, 2009 @ 11:02 pm

  5. On your next visit to Texas, remember that we call it “soda water” or a “cold drink”. A (not cold) drink is alcoholic.

    Comment by Mike Anderson — August 25, 2009 @ 11:07 pm

  6. I occasionally say “woot-woot!” to my soon-to-be-16-yr-old Daughter in a pathetic attempt to be edgy and current.

    Comment by Mr. Bingley — August 26, 2009 @ 7:02 am

  7. I have found the best way to deal with drivers. See the video below.

    Comment by Scott — August 26, 2009 @ 7:52 am

  8. Forget soda (I refuse to call it “pop” even when stationed in a part of the country that called it “pop”) try getting real pizza west of Harrisburg PA. Pizza west of the tri-state area is merely some kind of bread stuff with ketchup smeared on it.
    Even worse try getting a real bagel outside of the tri-state area. I was in LA on business and went for my usual Jersey breakfast of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. Well the coffee was somewhat palatable but I took one bite into the bagel spit it out and said “what the hell is this”. The poor kid not knowing the fraud he was perpetrating on the public asked what’s wrong and I proceeded to tell him of the counterfeit bagels he was hoisting on the people. I told him how the perfect bagel should be slightly crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside and slightly warm to perfectly melt the cream cheese. Yeah, I know, I know…I was the typical Jersey asshole but hey…don’t “F” with my bagels dammit!!!!
    All the more reasons to never cross either the Hudson or Delaware rivers…ever.

    Comment by RobbieRob — August 26, 2009 @ 9:29 am

  9. 3. Heh. Try running into a parade when it closes down US 87, which happens to run right through Big Sandy MT.
    4. Yep, it’s pop. You can have one while waiting for every antique automobile in Big Sandy to cross the highway.

    Comment by firefly — August 26, 2009 @ 1:02 pm

  10. Damn Jimbo, down here where I live there ain’t no such thing as soda or pop. Do you want a “Coke”, or a “Dr. Pepper”, or a “Mountain Dew”, etc…


    “Pepsi” is a cuss word.

    Those are cool coffee makers…the Blade has one, but I grind my own beans. I’m looking for the best cup, so I usually use 3 or 4 different type beans per pot. I even keep track of my brewing history in a database.

    How sick is that.

    My coffee brewer grinds first, then drips filtered water through the grind and into the pot.

    I don’t need an alarm clock…I just set the timer, and when it goes off…it sounds like a fucking A-6 Intruder coming through the house. If you don’t believe me, ask Stretch.


    Comment by Sam — August 26, 2009 @ 3:17 pm

  11. Nothing political, eh?
    Allow me:

    WOOT!!! Kennedy’s dead!!!

    Comment by Dave S. — August 26, 2009 @ 3:35 pm

  12. I always thought “pop” sounded stupid too. And that’s what they call it here. 😛

    Comment by Richmond — August 26, 2009 @ 6:10 pm

  13. I have a friend who grew up in New Jersey, but moved to Ohio back in the 70’s. He drives me nuts when he says “pop”. I keep waiting for him to say “gee willikers”. He comes back here a couple of times a year to visit relatives and brings back a boat load of Pork Roll because it’s not available out there. God! Imagine a world without pork roll. Too terrible to even imagine!! 😉

    Comment by JerseyJerry — August 26, 2009 @ 8:38 pm

  14. I’ve never had a Pork Roll, but I’d be willing to give it a try if the Taylor peeps came out with an imitation/vegetarian ham. I know, it’s blasphemy and will never happen…I just like messing with Jerry. By the way, Brooklyn smelled like shit tonight, all the way from downtown Brooklyn to Sheepshead Bay, all along the Belt.

    Comment by Erica — August 26, 2009 @ 9:01 pm

  15. Brooklyn smelled like shit? Well strip my gears and call me shiftless!

    You can blame Brooklyn or blame Bush, but don’t blame Jersey.

    Vegetarian Taylor imitation ham? Good grief.


    Comment by Jim — August 26, 2009 @ 9:10 pm

  16. You’re absolutely right, Jersey smells just like a rose garden, especially on its sweet-smelling taint, between the Goethals and Outerbridge Crossing. Like the sweet smell of orange blossoms and honeysuckle combined. They oughtta bottle the scent and call it Eau de Perth Amboy.

    Comment by Erica — August 27, 2009 @ 7:29 am

  17. I say woot. Woot!

    Comment by Fausta — August 28, 2009 @ 11:46 am

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