July 13, 2010

Another Gator Story.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:06 pm

Knowing that I am scared shitless of alligators, my pals on the internet never miss an opportunity to send me stories about encounters between a human and one of these prehistoric beasts. The stories invariably involve the alligator dining on a portion of said human. Jerry from Indiana is one such pal.

Not surprisingly, the story of the alligator-human encounter Jerry sent to me took place in Florida. It seems that the human in question (an eighteen-year old male) was swimming with friends in a freshwater canal at 9:30 p.m. when a ten-foot alligator bit the guy’s hand off.

Say what? Swimming in a freshwater canal? In Florida? At 9:30 at night? Jesus H. Christ! My first thought was that maybe the poor bastard lives in a gatorless state like New Jersey and was on vacation in Florida, and he was somehow unaware of the places where alligators live and sometimes like to eat people.

WRONG. The guy was from Naples, Florida.

I figure that the guy was missing half his brain or that alcohol and/or pharmaceuticals played some role in this unfortunate incident.

I would sooner eat a pound of dogshit than go swimming in a freshwater canal in Florida at 9:30 at night, but, hey, that’s just me.

Linked by Doug Ross. Thanks!


  1. Wow… I wouldn’t go swimming in freshwater in Florida at 9:30 in the morning, let alone night. Hard not to read this and think the guy had it coming for such a dumb move.

    Comment by Ivy — July 13, 2010 @ 9:19 pm

  2. …. Jimbo, we have ANTS here in Tennessee that’ll eat you if you stay still long enough……. sheesh… you pussy…..

    Comment by Eric — July 13, 2010 @ 9:49 pm

  3. I think it’s just Natural Selection at work. If that guy had been as old as you or me, the gator would have gotten all of him, not just an arm.

    …and you’re welcome, Jimbo!

    Comment by Jerry in Indiana — July 13, 2010 @ 11:28 pm

  4. To me this guy is just like the people in California who think nothing of earthquakes… and people in the plains states that don’t fill their pants when the tornado sirens sound. I figure there’s a neuron that’s been disconnected somewhere…

    Comment by Mike R. — July 14, 2010 @ 12:20 am

  5. Hell, even swimming in a *swimming pool* in FL probably doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed a gator-free environment, ya know? I’d sure turn on the in-water pool lights before I jumped in at night, anyway. Just to be sure.

    Comment by sheri — July 14, 2010 @ 8:02 am

  6. I used to swim in the freshwater canal all the time. It’s still bloody hot at 9:30 p.m. We’d be out in the inner tubes stayin’ cool.

    Joanster —

    You could well have been out in the inner tubes bein’ dinner. I hope you at least keep your guitar-playin, paintin’ and sculptin’ hands out of the water. You could also wind up with a peg leg, which might be cool on your sailboat. You could be “Captain Joan of Ahaaaaab.” — Jimbo.

    Comment by Joan of Argghh! — July 14, 2010 @ 8:53 am

  7. You saw that… but you missed this… and this. It’s been a lively week, no?

    Comment by Omnibus Driver — July 14, 2010 @ 5:35 pm

  8. Did you watch Billy the Exterminator on A&E last night? Pulled a gator out of the lake at a summer camp and by law, because of it’s size, had to kill it. The only good gator is one you can wear or carry in your back pocket.

    Comment by Dan O — July 15, 2010 @ 7:19 am

  9. I lived in FL from 1972 through 1984. I’d water ski in lakes that had them, chased more than a few away from my ball on the golf course and ran them out of the backyard with the lawnmower. With that said I would never, ever jump into a canal at night. What a dumbass.

    Comment by Icemann — July 15, 2010 @ 12:36 pm

  10. Yeah, I was thinking of you the other day as SWMBO and I were zooming down I-75 through the Everglades… the famous “Alligator Alley,” AKA the Place Where You Are Least Likely To Ever See Jimbo Hitchhiking.

    Comment by Elisson — July 16, 2010 @ 9:37 pm

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