May 12, 2011

Heading to the Sunshine State.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:02 pm

Every year, at about this time, the Usual Suspects descend upon our little corner of the Sunshine State, and this year is no exception. I’m sure that the guy in the local liquor store is looking forward to our visit, as I figure that we probably put one of his kids through college. Yes, there will be an abundance of adult beverages, lots of pool lounging and merciless kidding (a Jersey thing — e.g. “Yo, Shitstain!”).

Unfortunately, if one wants to enjoy the Florida sun and fun, one must remain aware that Florida is not only the Sunshine State; it is also the farookin’ ALLIGATOR state. My morbid fear of these prehistoric, man-eating beasts is known to all who come here, except perhaps recent visitors.

Because my fear and loathing of alligators is known, my “pals” in the blogosphere cannot help themselves from sending me bowel-loosening links. Here are a few samples of what I’ve been receiving:

Catfish thought it was important that I see that sitting around a pool is no guarantee of being free from a visit by alligators.

LeeAnn wanted to make sure that I don’t even feel safe indoors.

Bou and Jean took great delight is showing me an alligator that attacked a car.

As if worrying about alligators isn’t enough, El Capitan had to remind me that there are also crocodiles in Florida, but not to worry; they don’t eat people. Ha!

To all you rat bastards pals who feel compelled to send me this stuff, I wish you a serious wedgie. Other than the chlorinated, fenced-in pool, I shall avoid any body of fresh water larger than the average pancake.

I plan on bringing Mr. Computer with me, and I may even do a post or two while I’m down there doing cocktails and keeping my eye out for large, green, pre-historic, man-eating things. If not, play nice while I’m gone.


  1. We’ll be in Florida this weekend, too. Much closer to the Alligator Farm than where you’ll be, however.


    Comment by Joan of Argghh! — May 12, 2011 @ 8:42 pm

  2. It’s just that we love youse and want youse to be careful. (Did I spell ‘youse’ correctly?)

    Comment by Jean — May 12, 2011 @ 10:05 pm

  3. Will you invite Barack and Michelle to pet the alligators?The alligator would choke on Michelle,and use Barack as a toothpick.Oh how I wish.How much sunscreen will Michelle need for those massive thighs?

    Comment by john — May 13, 2011 @ 12:11 am

  4. We only live to serve, sahib. 🙂

    And a good wedgie is the most action I get these days.
    Bend an elbow or two for us without your paradisical luck.

    Comment by LeeAnn — May 13, 2011 @ 6:34 am

  5. Have a great trip and consume multitudes of beverages!

    Comment by Mr. Bingley — May 13, 2011 @ 7:00 am

  6. Do you drive down there? Do you fly? Do the plane stop in the ATL?

    Comment by Elisson — May 13, 2011 @ 5:40 pm

  7. Hope you are there by now and the wonderful time has commenced!

    Comment by Teresa — May 13, 2011 @ 6:52 pm

  8. Jim,
    Teri and I really wish we could be there with you all. We talk about all the good times we had and all the fun it was. I really enjoyed playing guitar with you at the pool.
    Enjoy yourself my friend!

    Comment by Randy — May 13, 2011 @ 10:19 pm

  9. Let’d not forget Burmese Pythons and Boas in the Everglades…

    I’m just saying…

    Comment by ♫NWM♫ — May 18, 2011 @ 8:10 pm

  10. While there, go and eat you some gator tail or fried nuggets, Cat

    Comment by Catfish — May 18, 2011 @ 9:32 pm

  11. Jimbo,
    See you tomorrow. I hope you saved some cocktails for us late arrivals. Can’t wait, need some R & R (booze and bullshit)

    Comment by Captain Art — May 19, 2011 @ 11:16 am

  12. I hope you have a great trip and watchout, Cat

    Comment by Catfish — May 19, 2011 @ 12:58 pm

  13. Have fun, Jimbo!

    Comment by Jerry in Texas — May 20, 2011 @ 9:42 pm

  14. What happened, bud? One ‘a them gators gitcha?


    Comment by mostly cajun — May 22, 2011 @ 11:21 am

  15. Hope you’re have a wonderful time!

    Comment by Kevin — May 22, 2011 @ 5:09 pm

  16. Yo shithook dooshbag…you’ve been away for the better part of a month now. WTF, Hairboy? We’re getting a little antsy here.

    Comment by Erica — May 25, 2011 @ 5:18 pm

  17. NEWS FLASH!!! Gator bites Jersey Re-tired Lawyer, Gator dies.

    Comment by James Old Guy — May 25, 2011 @ 7:03 pm

  18. Amber Alert?

    Comment by ernie nilsen — May 25, 2011 @ 10:57 pm

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