May 29, 2011

Speaking of Flying …

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:10 pm

Oh, was I speaking about flying? I believe I was.

I figure that there’s only a handful of people who know the system by which air fares are priced. Hell, for all I know, maybe it’s controlled by one evil genius, or purely by computer bots. What I do know is that I paid a very “frilled” price to fly on a “no frills” airline. The real fun begins after you buy a ticket.

Want to check a bag? (Can you imagine? People traveling actually might have a suitcase?) It’ll cost you.

Want to carry on a bag? It will cost you even more than a checked bag?

Does your bag weigh more than forty pounds? If so, it’ll cost you an additional $25. If more than fifty pounds, the additional bag fare will set you back $50. Because the return flight was delayed, I had the opportunity to watch several people forced to make the choice between forking over their credit cards for the additional charge or going through their luggage on the terminal floor in front of everyone in order to either move their stuff into another suitcase or toss it.

Want to choose a seat? It will cost you, even for an “economy” seat, which provides sufficient room for the average four-year old.

Want a soda? A beer? A glass of juice? Bag of pretzels? It will cost you. (No cash; credit card only)

Want a farookin’ drink of water? Yep, it’ll cost you. (Three bucks – credit card only)

If you happened to place your credit card in your one “permitted personal item,” you can forget about trying to get it out from under the seat in front of you, unless, of course, you are three-feet tall and a contortionist. Even if you were a three-feet-tall contortionist you wouldn’t be able to get at your “permitted personal item” if the INCONSIDERATE PRICK in front of you reclined his seat.

No movie, no music, no magazine – not even one of those cheesy airline magazines. No frills, baby.

None of this bothered the lady sitting three seats away from me, because she had paid NINE DOLLARS for her seat. It bothered me quite a bit, having paid roughly twenty times that amount for my seat. Hell, I paid more airfare for my suitcase than that lady paid for her seat.

The good news is the plane didn’t crash. That’s something.

Still, three bucks for a drink of water? Can’t get to your credit card? Like the guy in the beer commercials says, “Stay thirsty, my friend.”


  1. Sooner or later, people such as yourself are going to rise up and say “Get stuffed! I ain’t payin’ good money to be treated this way”, and simply refuse to fly under those conditions. Until then, as long as you (and others) are willing to pay it, the airlines are going to charge it. Between the financial shenanigans and the TSA nonsense, I refuse to fly any more.

    Comment by Permatourist — May 30, 2011 @ 12:32 am

  2. Flying has become a real chore. And it is the business traveler who really takes it up the shorts. I do not have the luxury of booking a seat months in advance, so I pay twice or three times — or as you said — 9 times the fare for the same treatment. I can drive 12 or 14 hours to see my customers or I can fly. It is much better use of my company’s time for me to put up with the airlines.

    But I do not like it.

    Comment by Joe (HB) — May 30, 2011 @ 7:46 am

  3. I make a lot of trips to DC from South Carolina. I have stopped flying and drive instead, it is cheaper and actually faster.

    Comment by James Old Guy — May 30, 2011 @ 9:03 am

  4. Friendly Skies of Ford……

    I no longer use commercial air,I fly the friendly skies of Ford in my F-250 on the super highways of America.I am the Pilot, Booking Agent & Flight Attendent…piss me off & you are history sitting waiting for a Greyhound Bus.
    I drive when & where I want , as long as I choose or stop when I wish. No TSA, no rude assholes seated next to me, just the experience of traveling in comfort & leisure.
    Don`t get me wrong, I once traveled many thousands of miles yearly by air but no longer have to. The airlines & Government have destroyed any desire to do so again.

    Comment by dudley1 — May 30, 2011 @ 11:02 am

  5. I flew Spirit Airlines once or twice. That was enough.

    Bad enough they charge three bucks for water… or twenty for a carry-on bag. But to drain the lizard costs five bucks… and if you crimp off a length, it’s a double sawbuck. They have special monitoring devices to check, so you can’t squeeze one past ’em.

    I’d sooner walk.

    Comment by Elisson — May 30, 2011 @ 9:33 pm

  6. You know, I use to fly all the time for about thirty years. Not any more, I’ll even do a two or three day trip from point A to B, if needed. Continental U.S. that is. I’ll fly when I must, but aside from those occasions, I’m done. I can drive for eight or more hours a day, and get there sooner than the hassle of checking baggage, renting a car,,,etc. Plus, I can take all my shit with me…everything I could possibly need. You know, food and guns…just kidding. You know, flying is not what it use to be…pain in the ass. I’ve a decent ride, with a decent sound system, and I do loves me some electronic books. A good book while driving is the ticket. Having said this, it’s hard to drive to Europe or Japan, for example, but you can drive anywhere in North or South America, and have all your stuff with you. The trick is bullets and books…and fuel.

    Hell, I would probably drive up to see you instead of flying. At least, I’d have my stuff…might even bring Stretch. He loves an adventure.

    Comment by Yabu — May 31, 2011 @ 5:09 pm


    “Before things got out of hand, it was a typical annoyance that happens once a flight gets airborne: A passenger hit the recline button and sent his seat intimately close to the lap of the guy sitting behind him.”

    Comment by Fausta — June 1, 2011 @ 10:31 am

  8. United was advertising extra leg room in economy at no extra charge. They shot me down when I asked if I could carry another bag and put it in the place where my extra leg room was because I was only taking two legs on board.

    Comment by Little Willie — June 4, 2011 @ 7:33 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

Powered by WordPress