February 23, 2005


Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:47 pm

Keys.jpgI’ve decided that if you want a quick way to gauge how complicated your life is or is not, you need only reach into your pocket or purse and take a look at your keys.

For the first sixteen years of my life, I did not carry a single key. I didn’t even have a house key, because we almost never locked our doors (and I’m talking about New Jersey). My parents would lock the doors when we would go away for vacation, but even then the door was locked with a skeleton key, which was cleverly placed under the doormat.

That changed when I was sixteen and someone stole the family car, and my father installed a real lock on the door. That meant that I had to carry one key. The following year, I got my driver’s license and a set of keys to the family car, bringing me up to three keys.

Fast forward………..

Here is what is on the key ring that I carry now:

One big, fat, computer-chip key for the big, fat capitalist car
One trunk key for the big, fat capitalist car
One computer thingy (unlocks the car, etc.) for the big, fat capitalist car
One valet key (works the ignition, but doesn’t open the trunk or glove box) for the big fat capitalist car
One fat computer chip key for the “other” car (a big fat Ford)
One trunk key for the “other” car
One computer thingy (unlocks the car, etc.) for the “other” car
One key to office
One key to outer office door
One key to outer-outer office door
One key to desk
One key to alternate office
One key to Veteran’s Post
One key to house (front door)
One key to house (back door)
One cigar-piercing gadget
One small penknife
One discount plastic thing for Shop Rite Supermarket
One discount plastic thing for Wegman’s Supermarket
One discount plastic thing for discount liquor store (well worn)
One dog tag (with name, service number, social security number, religion and blood type)

See what I mean?


  1. I guess it’s true that the more you have to lock up, the more you begin to look like a school custodian toting around the keys hanging from his belt. My problem isn’t so much the keys as the adornments on my keyring – I’ve probably got one for every key on there. Including a toucan who lights up when you press on his beak . . .

    Comment by Shamrock — February 23, 2005 @ 10:45 pm

  2. 1. First Republican President: Car key

    2. First Republican President: Car remote

    3. Mailbox.

    Access for everything else requires me to swipe an ID card (around my neck), enter a code on a keypad, or spin a dial.

    Gov’t work has its perks, I guess; if nothing else, my pockets don’t jangle.

    Comment by SDCarroll — February 23, 2005 @ 11:07 pm

  3. A meme. You started a meme!

    Comment by Jay — February 23, 2005 @ 11:33 pm

  4. Yeah, I get it. But if you think you’re gonna come up ahead of me on a key search, just cuza one little post… ; )!

    Comment by Key — February 23, 2005 @ 11:55 pm

  5. Back before he was President, one of Ronald Reagan’s great stump speech tactics was to ask all the adults in the audience to raise their hand if they remembered what the key to their house had looked like when they were children. Then he would ask the young people to raise their hands if they knew what the key to their house looked like. The contrast was always startling, and it was very effective.

    Comment by Jack — February 24, 2005 @ 8:38 am

  6. Hmmm, I’ll have to go find my keys first and then figure out what they are for,,,yeah, I like the meme!

    Comment by Michele — February 24, 2005 @ 8:54 am

  7. All Keyed Up

    That seafood bashing Jersey dude came up with a new meme without even realizing it. I mean, a post about how many keys and how complicated that means your life is, sure. But a "list your keys" meme… cool idea. Does having more than o…

    Trackback by Accidental Verbosity — February 24, 2005 @ 10:24 am

  8. I’ve got seven keys on my ring, but I only know what four of them are for.

    Comment by Sluggo — February 24, 2005 @ 10:48 am

  9. You carry your SSN number on your keys?? What if you lost your keys and they ended up in the wrong hands?? You would lose more than keys!!

    Comment by darren — February 24, 2005 @ 3:08 pm

  10. None whatsoever! What a switch! I don’t carry keys or a purse.

    Comment by moos — February 24, 2005 @ 5:30 pm

  11. Hmmm . . . two sets of keys: work and personal. Work keyring has office key and filing cabinet keys. Personal keyting has truck and house keys.

    Now my wife has some contraption and then asks me to carry them so she doesn’t have to.

    Comment by Bob — February 24, 2005 @ 10:15 pm

  12. Basic Bob: Car key, house key. Anything more than four makes one look like a janitor.

    Comment by Velociman — February 26, 2005 @ 11:39 am

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