April 9, 2005

“Fun” at the Drugstore.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 4:04 pm

The Setting
Jimbo standing on line at the drugstore after a longer-than-usual ride home from work due to heavy Jersey traffic. There are two women ahead of me on line. The woman being waited on asks numerous questions about her prescriptions and her prescription insurance plan (all reasonable questions), but for each question, the young lady clerk behind the counter had to consult the pharmacist. As such, it was taking a bit of time.

Jimbo’s Bladder: “Yo!”

Jimbo: “What do you want?”

Bladder: “Where the hell are we?”

Jimbo: “We’re on line in a drug store. I have to pick up a prescription I dropped off this morning.”

Bladder: “In a drug store? Are you shitting me? After lunch you drank all that bottled water, and a couple Diet Cokes. I warned you before you left the office about that didn’t I? But did you stop at the men’s room? Noooooo.”

Jimbo: “Yeah, you did, but I wanted to get on the road. I thought everything would be OK.”

Bladder: “Well it wasn’t OK, dipshit. You got caught in traffic, and you even drank another Diet Coke in the car, didn’t you? Are you messin’ with me?”

Jimbo: “No I’m not. Look, I think that the lady at the counter is almost finished, then there will be only one person in front of me. Stop your bitching. We’ll be home in a few minutes. See? I told you. The first lady just left the counter.”

Clerk: “May I help you?”

Lady No. 2: “I’m here to pick up two prescriptions.”

Clerk: “And the name is?”

Lady No. 2: “My name is Adams.”

Clerk: Proceeds to the bin marked “Aa – Ai,” which contains prescriptions ready for pick-up. Looks through bin twice and returns to counter empty-handed. “How do you spell your name, Ma’am?”

Lady No. 2: “Adams – That’s A…D…A…M…S.”

Bladder: “What’s going on here? I thought you said only a couple minutes.”

Jimbo: “There seems to be some confusion over the Lady’s prescriptions. Calm down.”

Bladder: “Calm down, you say? Need I remind you that I’m working here with a sphincter that is not exactly factory fresh.”

Clerk: Returns to bin and looks through prescriptions again, and, this time also looks through the bin marked “Aj – Az.” She returns to the counter again empty-handed. “When did you drop the prescriptions off, Ma’am?”

Lady No. 2: Now, becoming annoyed. “At about ten this morning.”

Bladder: “This is bullshit. I can’t hold out much longer. I’m about to burst here. Dammit, I warned you before you left the office and all the damned way home in the car. You’re playin’ with fire, Jimbo.”

Jimbo: “Try to hold back just a little longer, will ya? I’m dying here. I don’t know what the hell is the problem with this lady’s prescriptions. Why me?”

Clerk: Looking puzzled, consults the computer, then consults with the pharmacist, and yet again, returns to the counter empty handed. “I’m very sorry ma’am, but we don’t have any record of prescriptions today for ‘Adams.’”

Bladder: “Christ! Did you hear that? You’re screwed, buddy. I’m about to blow.”

Lady No. 2: “Well, I’m picking up the prescriptions for my grandmother.”

Clerk: “Your grandmother? What’s her name?”

Lady No. 2: “Her name is Gianelli.”

Jimbo: “Yes, ma’am that would be my piss running down your leg.”

End Note: It’s all true, except for the last line, and, of course, the talking bladder. I barely made it home with my prescriptions before having a most embarrassing accident.


  1. Too funny. Well, maybe not for you at the time…

    We have our prescriptions mailed from Billings – 60 miles away. When I refill them I just call on the phone, skip the recordings & hit “0”. So I can talk to a human & request that they’re mailed. Often the rx sits there a day or two until I call again to remind them. The other day I called in to refill my husband’s rx. I was told that there was something wrong with the insurance. I called the insurance company. When I finally got through to a live body I was told that I wasn’t authorized to receive information on his account.

    Well, after explaining that he’s on a tractor, etc… I knew that I was SOL. I asked, “He does have insurance, doesn’t he?” “Can’t answer that, you’re not authorized”.

    I hung up and called the insurance agent. She said that the pharmacy should call the insurance company, not me. At this point, the farmer walked in. I went through the entire rigamarole again. When I finally got someone on the phone I let him talk to her and go through the story. So, now I’m authorized, he’s insured – and the pharmacy has a problem, not us. But she told him that the pharmacy needed to call the insurance company.

    I call the pharmacy and start to explain. The woman cuts me off immediately, “WE are NOT calling the insurance company – YOU have to call the insurance company.” Now, you know how patient I am, “Excuse me, I just got off the phone with the insurance company – and they said that YOU need to call them.” The pharmacy woman is going bonkers, she’s screaming at me. Huh?! I’m the knucklehead who has just spent two hours on the phone – what is HER problem? I can hear other people in the background. “Hi Karen, this is Heidi, (who I assume just yanked the phone from the lunatic) that’s no problem, we’ll call the insurance company.” I said, “Uh, okay, thank you – do you need me to drive down there to punch that woman out or anything?” Heidi laughed and said, “Oh, no thank you – you don’t have to do that.” I said, “No, it’s okay, I’d be happy to.” Heidi said, “No really, I’ll call the insurance company, bye…”

    And here, I thought that I was having a bad day…

    Comment by moos — April 9, 2005 @ 8:34 pm

  2. Heh heh. And you haven’t even been through pregnancy…at least, I presume as much. Perhaps I shall run now whilst I still can;-)

    See you in Jeckyll!

    Comment by sadie — April 9, 2005 @ 8:41 pm

  3. What a friggin’ dope! Lady No. 2 that is.. not you.. lol

    Comment by Kate — April 9, 2005 @ 10:04 pm

  4. You mean you didn’t save the empty bottles from the bottled water? They’re multi-purpose, you know.

    Comment by Suzette — April 9, 2005 @ 11:01 pm

  5. Heh. I have ‘old lady’s bladder’. I’m fine, I’m fine then all at once I have to go. Immediately.

    As someone once told me, “Bah! Golden years my ass.”

    Comment by rita — April 10, 2005 @ 8:26 am

  6. Jesus H. Christ! Your bladder must have been really mad at you.

    Comment by Dash — April 10, 2005 @ 9:37 pm

  7. Linky Luv

    Well, I am feeling semi-normal after the stresses of the last few days. Since I can’t quite bring myself to get into full blown posting mode… I thought I would spread around a few links. Harvey has an excellent post…

    Trackback by Technicalities — April 10, 2005 @ 11:41 pm

  8. Sure Signs of Playing the Back Nine of Life:

    1)Incontinence n. Incapable of controlling the elimination of urine or feces.

    Perhaps you could take a stroll over to the Depends isle at the pharmacy. I heard they have the new, improved “Ginger Baker Depends” on sale this week.

    2)”sorry ass wandering around the airport…”

    Beware of relatives volunteering to take you for a ride to the dog track. Next thing you know, they slap a sign on your back, and you wind up at “Happy Acres Old Age Home”. They cut your meatloaf in small pieces.

    3) Displaced Impatience

    Can you believe these old bastards want the correct prescriptions ! Take whatever they give you, for Christsakes, I gotta pee ! Next thing you know, they won’t want to pay the whole two hundred for the 12 pills. Hey pal, move to Canada if you got a problem.

    Reminds me of when Uncle Billy beat the living s*** out of Dr.Hanlon, the dentist, in the middle of Ferry St. and Wilson Ave.

    Comment by cousin gary — April 11, 2005 @ 8:35 am

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