The Original Bill and the Telemarketer.
Recently while hanging around, boozing it up having cocktails and shooting the shit discussing interesting and topical matters with the Usual Suspects, the subject of telemarketers came up. The specific topic of conversation focused on the manner in which each of deals with telemarketers.
The general consensus seemed to be that, upon learning that one is dealing with a telemarketer, the phone is simply hung up, sometimes (but most often not) preceded by a “No thank you,†or “I’m not interested.†However, The Original Bill, one of the Usual Suspects, shared an approach he has used at least once, and which had me in absolute stitches.
He explained that the telemarketer in question, a female, was particularly aggressive. Apparently prepared for the quick hang-up, she launched immediately into a barrage of questions, such as “How would you like to save 25% on your next purchase of XYZ?â€
Bill responded, “I’m not interested†to about the first three questions, but did not hang up the phone. His goal was to make the telemarketer hang up.
The telemarketer kept pounding away at the sales pitch without regard to the ‘I’m not interested†responses or simple silence.
Then, The Original Bill** “pulled the triggerâ€:
Bill: “Do you have big tits?â€
Telemarketer: (complete silence – amazing)
Bill: “I’ll bet you have really big tits.â€
Telemarketer:
Bill: “Are they firm and perky, or are they nice and soft?â€
Telemarketer: CLICK
When we asked if he was worried that the woman would report him as some kind of weirdo stalker, he responded, “Bullshit! I didn’t call her; she called me!!!â€
I still laugh when I think about it.
**The Original Bill has excellent manners and is most certainly not some kind of mouth-breathing telephone slob. This was an experiment he conducted, and, as you can see, the result was as planned.
I did something similar to a telemarketer, once. Asked her what her job title was, and then asked if she’d ever considered going into a more honorable profession – such as prostitution or drug dealing.
Comment by DMerriman — August 15, 2005 @ 8:46 pm
It can be hard to break the flow of their delivery to get a word in edgewise.
I have found the following to be effective
Извините меня пожалуйста? но я не понимаю английский язык очень хорошо, Вы могли повторить это по-русски?
Ecuse me please? But I don not understand English very well, could you repeat that in Russian?
Maybe someday I will chance on a Russian speaking telemarketer, but that usually results in a long pause and a click. 😉
Comment by Dan Kauffman — August 16, 2005 @ 12:44 am
Telemarketer encounters have begun to take on the sheen of digital urban legends.
Computers dial the numbers and the callers just read the speil. They don’t care if you hang up on them, engage them, insult them or entertain them. They have a scripted algorithm that they follow. As soon as the connection is broken, the next number is automatically dialed and they move on.
My daughter did telemarketing for a while – in the evenings, after cheerleader practice. She was 14 (hello, Bill!), as most of the people on the shift were. The shift supervisor was all of 18.
Comment by Suzette — August 16, 2005 @ 8:07 am
Now THAT, was classic. I need to remember that. Of course, that line would only be effective for my husband to use…then again, perhaps it might work with me as well.
Comment by Moogie — August 16, 2005 @ 9:16 am
I have two techniques. I either pretend I’m unable to hear them (ask them to repeat that line about six times) or I let them get started and put the receiver down on the table and just walk away.
Comment by Shamrock — August 16, 2005 @ 9:32 am
If they call for me, my husband stirs up fake tears, telling them about my “horrible accident” which has left me in a coma. Then he proceeds to ask their advice for funeral arrangements. Then comes the click.
If they call for him, I do the same thing. Works every time. Horrible, yes….we are very tacky, at times.
Comment by Dana — August 16, 2005 @ 10:53 am
Hahaha, that’s one good story! I worked twice this year as a telemarketer, and my clientele have been tax accountants. Now if these questions would have been rised… I think I would have busted out laughing… 🙂
Comment by Ann — August 16, 2005 @ 5:52 pm
How do you deal with telemarketers?
I always knew this man was a genius. He comes up with and also shares alot of great ideas. This on, in particular, I really need to try. Well, it would probably be best if my husband did this one,…
Trackback by Moogies World — August 16, 2005 @ 6:35 pm
LOL! I’m not above trying that.
Comment by Key — August 16, 2005 @ 6:57 pm
I once had a job as a young teenager doing phone surveys, not telemarketing, I wasn’t selling anything…but similarly annoying.
One call I made ended up in a friendly conversation that ended in us exchanging home phone numbers. (Even though this was in the early 70’s, please don’t tell my dad).
We ended up arranging a double date.
When he picked me up we were amused to discover that we looked like twins. (He was really cute;}…). Both had waist length auburn hair, parted in the middle, wearing bellbottom Levi’s, embroidered cotton shirts and buffalo sandals.
Our version of internet dating, who knew?
Comment by julie — August 18, 2005 @ 2:53 am