Cellphone Dumbshittery.
OK, so I’m driving to work this morning, and I see a guy standing in the middle of the street. As I get closer, I can see that the guy is talking on a cellphone. He’s standing in a spot where he could be clobbered by a car going in either direction. Yet, he’s not looking in either direction for traffic, but rather is staring at the ground while he has what must be a very important phone conversation.
I pulled to within fifteen feet of the dope and stopped to see how long it would take him to notice a 4,000 pound, Big Fat Capitalist Car. I purposely did not blow the Big Fat Capitalist Horn, lest I give the idiot a heart attack.
After about ten seconds, he “noticed†the car.
Did he give me a courtesy wave and quickly step out of the way? Nope. Instead, he gave me a dirty look, resumed his conversation and slowly walked to the opposite curb.
It’s a shame that there’s a law against intentionally hitting idiots with a Big Fat Capitalist Car.
New Jersey Bill Number: SJR 21, enacted January 22, 2002. Establishes the Driver Distraction and Highway Safety Task Force to study driver distractions and make recommendations.
Just contact them and tell them you’ve noticed that assholes standing in the middle of the road and talking on cellphones are a huge farookin distraction. Also make the recommendation that these distractions be treated in the same manner as deer in New Jersey. e.g. run over or shot by State paid sharpshooters.
Comment by Dan — August 23, 2005 @ 10:06 pm
I had something similar happen except it was a female. She flipped me off when I honked at her so that she didn’t get mowed down with my Big Fat Capitalist SUV (loving that description by the way).
Sometimes I hate people.
Comment by blondage — August 23, 2005 @ 11:34 pm
And what do you want to bet that if you had been able to hear his Important Conversation, he was saying: “Yeah, sorry, I was distracted for a sec. I’m in the middle of the street and there’s some stupid jerk in a bigass car giving me a dirty look. Whatever. Anyway, about those paper clips.”
Comment by dogette — August 24, 2005 @ 11:38 am
If elected, I’ll remove that little restriction on your freedoms, Jim. That’d be a pleasure!
Comment by zonker — August 24, 2005 @ 9:26 pm
Fahgetabout being nice Blow the farukin horn 😉
Comment by Dan Kauffman — August 24, 2005 @ 11:08 pm
I would have edged up on him and then layed on the horn.
My hope would be to simulate in this a$$ the same physical reaction a live gator in your backyard would do to you.
That’s one way to get his brain working. Have him empty it in his pants.
You’re much too kind.
Comment by Randy — August 25, 2005 @ 3:05 am