October 4, 2005

Jersey Jeopardy.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:00 pm


Alex: “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to a special edition of Jeopardy. We call it ‘Jersey Jeopardy.’ I’d like to introduce you to our three contestants for tonight’s game. First, we have from Bayonne, New Jersey, Angelo Esposito. Good evening, Angelo.”

Angelo: “Yo.”

Alex: “Next we have Angela Soriello, from Newark. Nice to meet you Angela.”

Angela: “Heyyy, Alex.”

Alex: “And finally, from Colts Neck, New Jersey, we have Lars Johansson. Welcome, Lars. I must say, we don’t run across too many people in New Jersey named Lars. Are you a New Jersey native?”

Lars: “Actually, Alex, I’ve lived in New Jersey for almost two years now. I’m originally from North Dakota, but I love the Garden State.”

Alex: “Very interesting. Let’s get underway, shall we? Good luck to all of you. Lars, you pick first.

Lars: “I’d like Jerseytalk for $100, Alex.”

Alex: “For one-hundred dollars, the answer is, ‘It is a tree in Jersey’”


Lars: “The question is, ‘What is a pine?’”

Alex: “I’m sorry, Lars. That is not correct. Angela, you buzzed in second. The answer is, ‘It is a tree in Jersey.’”

Angela: “What is da numba dat comes afta two?”

Alex: “That’s correct. Angela, you get to pick.”

Angela: “I’ll take Jerseytalk for $200, Alex.”

Alex: “For two-hundred dollars, the answer is, ‘Haya dooin’.’”


Angelo: “The question is “Haya dooin’?’”

Alex: “That is absolutely right. Angelo, you’re up.”

Angelo: “OK, I’ll take Jerseytalk for $300, Alex.”

Alex: “For three-hundred dollars, the answer is, ‘Italian tubular pastry shells filled with sweetened cheese, sprinkled with nuts or chocolate and covered with confectionary sugar.”


Lars: “The question is, ‘What are cannoli?’”

Alex: “I’m sorry, Lars. That’s Italian. Remember the category is Jerseytalk.”


Alex: “Angela, to you.”

Angela: “What are gah-NOOLS?”

Alex: “That is correct. Lars, you gave the proper Italian word and pronunciation, and the category is Jerseytalk. Sorry, Lars. Angela, it’s back to you.”

Angela: “I’ll take ‘What You Call Dat Guy’ for $100, Alex.”

Alex: “OK, for one hundred dollars, the answer is, ‘The person who cuts you off on the highway.’”


Lars: “The question is, ‘What is a reckless driver?”

Alex: “Sorry, Lars. That is not correct.”


Angelo: “What’s an asshole?”

Alex: “That’s correct. Angelo, you get to pick.”

Angelo: “I’ll take ‘What You Call Dat Guy’ for $200, Alex.”

Alex: “For two-hundred dollars, the answer is, ‘The guy who doesn’t know the difference between rigatoni and penne pasta.’”


Lars: “The question is, ‘What is ill-informed?’”

Alex: “That’s not the correct response. Sorry again, Lars.”


Alex: “Angela?”

Angela: “What’s an asshole?”

Alex: “That’s correct. Your pick, Angela.”

Angela: “”I’ll stick with ‘What You Call Dat Guy’ – for $300, Alex.”

Alex: “For three-hundred dollars, the answer is, “The guy who wears Birkenstocks to work.”


Lars: “The question is, ‘What is an environmentalist?’”

Alex: “You’re having a bit of rough time, Lars. Sorry, that is not the correct response.


Alex: “Angelo, it’s up to you.”

Angelo: “What’s an asshole?”

Lars: “Wait a minute! This is baloney. I’ve never seen the ‘correct response’ be the same thing three times in a row!”

Alex: “Eddie, stop the tape! Lars, we will edit that last bit out for broadcast. Please try to refrain from making such remarks. OK, Eddie. Roll tape.”

Alex: “Angelo, you get to pick.”

Angelo: “I’ll take ‘What You Call Dat Guy’ for $400, Alex.”

Alex: “OK for four-hundred dollars, the answer is ‘The most dangerous person on New Jersey’s highways.’”


Lars: “I know I have it right this time. The question is, ‘What’s an asshole?’”

Alex: “Sorry Lars. That’s not correct.”


Angelo: “What’s a … friggin’ old guy?”

Alex: “No, Angelo. That’s not what we’re looking for.”


Alex: “Angela?”

Angela: “What’s an asshole from Ohio?”

Alex: “That’s right, Angela. It looks like we’re out of time. Angela is the big winner tonight, with Angelo coming in second. Lars, you finished with zero on the board. Sorry about that.”

Lars: “This is ridiculous, and Angelo, and Angela, you people are morons.”

Angelo: “Yo, asshole. You lookin’ for a problem?”

Alex: “Eddie, cut the tape.”


  1. I got 3 of the asshole questions without peeking ahead at the answers.

    Comment by dogette — October 4, 2005 @ 7:52 pm

  2. Do I get credit for answering the birkenstock question with ‘douchebag’?

    Comment by Sluggo — October 4, 2005 @ 7:59 pm

  3. The judges have agreed to accept “douchbag.” Lars shoulda thought of it.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — October 4, 2005 @ 8:06 pm

  4. Yo! That’s friggin’ hilarious!

    Comment by Dash — October 4, 2005 @ 10:43 pm

  5. I farookin’ split a gut, ya crazy bastid.

    Comment by Jack Bog — October 5, 2005 @ 1:43 am

  6. Language…

    … having just visited his “neck of the woods”, I can attest – if even in only a very, very small way – that the accents in NJ are indeed colorful… and Jimbo gives us a brilliant look at them…

    Trackback by Straight White Guy — October 5, 2005 @ 9:06 am

  7. What is a long fat macaroni stuffed with ricotti cheese?
    “Man a kot tee”

    Comment by vipergirll — October 5, 2005 @ 10:05 am

  8. LOL!! That was hysterical! Thanks for getting us ove the hump with some laughter!

    Comment by michele — October 5, 2005 @ 11:14 am

  9. Ahhh, bringin’ back my Jersey memories! Excellent post, Jim!!!

    Comment by zonker — October 5, 2005 @ 5:39 pm

  10. Is dis a classic or what? Fuhgeddaboudit.

    Brings me back to my days in da Garden State, yo.

    Comment by Elisson — October 6, 2005 @ 7:11 am

  11. This was just perfect.. love it!

    Comment by Kate — October 6, 2005 @ 7:43 am

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