January 24, 2006

Handicapped Parking.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:37 pm

Let me begin by saying that I never park in a spot marked reserved for handicapped drivers (or sometimes passengers). My choice has nothing to do with the stiff fine and tow-away that can happen if you’re caught parking in such a spot without the proper plates or permit, because, let’s face it, unless you occupy such a spot for hours, you’re not likely to get caught. No, I don’t park there because parking in a space reserved for handicapped people is just a supremely shitty thing to do.

I once had an acquaintance who said, as we passed by the open handicapped-marked spots looking for a parking spot, “Why do they get all the good spots?” At the time, I thought he was kidding, but after knowing him for a while longer, I learned that he was a first-class shitheel and that he probably meant what he had said back then. Needless to say, if I saw him on fire today, I wouldn’t piss on him.

But I digress.

Our local 7-11 has six marked, regular parking spots and a seventh spot (the really wide one) marked for handicapped parking. As I was walking past the store this morning I saw an older lady zip into the parking lot in a car bearing “handicapped” plates. The “handicapped” spot was open as was the regular spot next to it. All the other spots were occupied. Rather than parking her car in the spot reserved for handicapped parking, she parked half her car in the handicapped spot and the other half of her car in a regular spot!!

She got out of the car and walked (just fine, thank you) into the store.

I concluded that the handicap the woman must suffer from is “Cannotparkworthashit”.

Either that or she was just an inconsiderate asshole who borrowed a handicapped person’s car.

Jersey – We produce world-class jerks.


  1. This may be slightly off topic, but somebody in my town has a handicapped license place that says BLIND. I think he’s the guy who needs the braille lettering on the ATM machines.

    Comment by gail — January 24, 2006 @ 10:36 pm

  2. LMAO to the post and Gail’s comment!

    Comment by Sissy — January 24, 2006 @ 10:38 pm

  3. saw something that got my hair up last week in the parking lot of Home Despot… a new pickup truck, driven by a rather robust young fellow, wheels into a handicap spot. The guy spends at least a minute fishing around the cab of the truck and comes up with one of the handicap tags that you hand from the rear view mirror, hooks it up there and proceeds to go into the store. I threw my bags into my trunk and went back in to see what he was up to. I saw him inside piling pressure treated 2 x 6’s onto a cart with a little more gusto that I would be able to. I guess he was going to go home and build himself a ramp so he could roll his kegs up into the front door. asshole.

    Comment by gregor — January 25, 2006 @ 8:17 am

  4. I inherited my mama’s handicapped parking tag when she died. It’s good until 2009. I’ve used it TWICE, too.

    Comment by Acidman — January 25, 2006 @ 11:58 am

  5. If you used that tag before you went to rehab, that’s cool, because from everything I’ve heard, you were handicapped. If you’ve used it since then, bad, bad karma, Bro.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — January 25, 2006 @ 8:11 pm

  6. Either that or she was just an inconsiderate asshole who borrowed a handicapped person’s car.

    Please, Jim, that’s no way to talk about Christine Whitman.

    Comment by Jack Bog — January 25, 2006 @ 9:35 pm

  7. I suffer from ‘cannotparkworthashit’, but it is offset by the fact I am considerate! Sheesh! I’ll back out and try it again until I get it right.

    My father in law is crippled. My Mother in law used to make him park in regular parking because she said, “You aren’t handicapped enough. You need to save it for someone who REALLY needs it!” Whaaaa?! Good grief. Needless to say, we changed that mindset…

    Comment by bou — January 26, 2006 @ 7:44 am

  8. Oh and people who park in hanicap parking, but aren’t… I’m hoping that’s a burn in hellable offense.

    Comment by Bou — January 26, 2006 @ 7:45 am

  9. I know a guy (bass player!) Mom was handicapped. She died. He inherited everything including her car. HE used the tag a full 3 years. Cop caught him. I laughed.

    Comment by James Hooker — January 26, 2006 @ 3:18 pm

  10. This made me remember the time I saw a mentally handicapped guy park at our local convenience store. Put the kickstand down and stood his bicycle squarely in the center of the handicapped spot. He didn’t have a tag, though.

    Comment by Shamrock — January 27, 2006 @ 8:47 am

  11. I see jogging-suited assholes do Olympian LEAPS out of their properly-stickered cars in handicapped spaces. Same “exercise nuts” who illegally block both traffic lanes (instead of PARKING, like the rest of us suckers) to use the ATM.

    Yes, it IS all about them.

    Comment by dogette — January 27, 2006 @ 9:35 am

  12. What I hate about ‘handicapped’ spots is that I never park in them because of some vague notion that it would be wrong, but I’m perfectly aware that I’m a chump for not parking there. Same with recycling. It’s stupid, it’s counterproductive, it’s useless, but I do it.

    Comment by Sluggo — January 28, 2006 @ 2:55 pm

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