June 1, 2006

The Trusty Tea Bag.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:20 pm

tea bag 2.jpgI managed to cut myself shaving this morning.

I don’t know if it happened because I was in a hurry, or because, at the time of the incident, I was suffering through listening to excerpts of Hillary’s senatorial nomination acceptance. Perhaps it was both.

In any event, it wasn’t one of those little nicks that you don’t even notice until you’re finished shaving. No, I knew instantly by the pain in the region between my upper lip and nose that I had done some unintended facial surgery on myself.

The damned cut began to bleed immediately. I did the direct pressure thing, using toilet paper, of course, but it would not stop. I couldn’t just stand there all damned morning smooshing a wad of toilet paper against my lip. So, I then tore off a patch of toilet paper and just plastered it against the bleeding gash, thereby freeing up my hands to continue with the get-ready-for-work routine. The toilet paper patch now looked like a miniature Japanese flag on my upper lip, but it seemed to stem the blood tide long enough to permit me to brush my teeth, brush my great farookin’ hair and get dressed for work.

There was no way I wanted to show up at work with a bloody patch of toilet paper on my moosh, so I tried to carefully remove it from the gash. Ouch! This only served to re-open the self-inflicted wound. It appeared that this cut was about ready to volunteer to bleed all damned day, and I could not hang around home and wait for it to stop. I had to leave for work.

I then remembered a remedy I had used a few years ago on such an occasion. I ran a tiny bit of tap water over a tea bag and took it with me in the car where I pressed it against the bleeding hole in my face, hoping that it would stop the bleeding within the forty minutes or so it would take me to get to work.

The bleeding stopped within two blocks of my house. Amazing. That’s the way it worked the last time I tried it on a nasty cut. I learned about this useful property of the pedestrian tea bag years ago by reading this book, in which the author (an intern in an emergency room) managed to stop what appeared by be an intractable nosebleed** on a patient by using a tea bag — a remedy taught to him not in medical school, but by his Jewish mother.

The good news was that I was no longer bleeding. The bad news was that I had to go through the day with a scab on my lip that looks like a big ol’ nasty booger.

**The Tea Bag Treatment did not stop this guy’s nosebleed at Eric’s house in Tennessee, but I think that’s because I failed to remember that he probably should have wet the tea bag more and let those strong tea-drippings wend their way into his nose. My bad.

Note (Not that it’s all that noteworthy): As I was trying to keep from bleeding to death by holding a wad of asswipe against my lip, I was wishing I had an old-fashioned styptic pencil, which is a pre-historic widget that looks like a pointed piece of chalk that one uses to stop bleeding from razor nicks and cuts. My father used one, and I had one a zillion years ago. I wondered whether one can still buy a styptic pencil, and it turns out that they are still available. I’ll be buying one this week, but it probably won’t beat the Trusty Tea Bag when it comes to nasty bleeds.


  1. There are a number of those old fashioned remedies that work wonderfully well. I hadn’t heard the tea bag one before.

    My favorite for cuts (not on the face because you don’t want a bandaid on your face if you can help it). Sugar and just enough vitamin E squeezed out of a capsule to hold it together. I mix it on a paper towel, slather it on the cut – put on a bandaid. Stops the bleeding, takes away the pain, and the sugar keeps it from becoming infected.

    Comment by Teresa — June 1, 2006 @ 10:30 pm

  2. Oh I knew the answer to ‘Do they still sell those”! My Dad has one. I was waiting tables through college and did the stupid thing of shaving right before I went in. I have no idea why, but I cut myself all over. My legs wold not quit bleeding. My boss had one of those styptic pencils and since my shins were STILL bleeding at work, he pulled one out and pressed it against every spot. It stung like hell, but it worked!

    Comment by Bou — June 1, 2006 @ 11:25 pm

  3. Jimbo – First, I keep a styptic pencil handy. It works – it’s 100% effective – and it hurts like a bastidge. Second, as to the Tea Bag Cure, it also works. I believe it’s because of all the tannins that are present in the tea. Use real tea, not that herbal shit.

    After I had my my wisdom teeth yanked out 4 years ago – all four of ’em – I packed the sockets with moist teabags. Worked like a charm to keep ’em from bleeding and start the healing process. Tasted good, too.

    Comment by Elisson — June 2, 2006 @ 7:10 am

  4. Tea bag cure is also helpful when you’re getting one of those nasty cold sores.

    Comment by rita — June 2, 2006 @ 8:17 am

  5. Tea bags or tea leaves also helps burns.

    Comment by GUYK — June 2, 2006 @ 9:24 am

  6. They still sell those styptic thingies in pet stores, too, for use when attempting to trim dog toenails and GODFORBID! accidentally nicking the teensiest bit of the ultra delicate doggy cuticle. As you know, a dog will run head-first into a tree and smash its own skull hard into a massive tree trunk during play and then jump up with little stars flying around its head and want to keep playing like nothing happened with a serious concussion and more brain damage. But just you try touching that toenail, mister.

    Comment by dogette — June 2, 2006 @ 9:45 am

  7. Thank you for clearing this up. I read the title (“The Trusty Tea Bag”) and then read you cut yourself shaving and was confused as to what part of the body was being shaven! Thankfully, it was not the tea bag. Whoosh . . . 🙂

    Comment by Bob — June 2, 2006 @ 11:28 am

  8. Oh! I forgot! Tea bags also hurt if your nipples are sore from breast feeding!

    Hmm. TMI? heh heh heh!

    Comment by Bou — June 2, 2006 @ 4:01 pm

  9. My dentist told me to use tea bags when I got my wisdom teeth pulled – works like a charm!

    Comment by Carmen — June 2, 2006 @ 5:17 pm

  10. … tea bags… I honestly had no idea…

    Comment by Eric — June 2, 2006 @ 5:41 pm

  11. well Eric, you probably remember when a dime bag of tea could make a couple of people feel better…

    Comment by GUYK — June 3, 2006 @ 4:19 pm

  12. The Trusty Teabag? Why, that was my nickname back in high school…

    Comment by Rube — April 24, 2007 @ 5:58 pm

  13. You know, Saying something something about the ‘Teabag’ Remedie sounds kinda wrong. Teabag? Jesus. That’s disgusting man. I don’t care how much it helps. That’s just wrong.

    Comment by yknow — May 31, 2008 @ 9:24 pm

  14. This works! just did it!

    Comment by Vin — August 16, 2008 @ 6:07 pm

  15. First and foremost for good dental health you should keep your teeth clean.; Serafin Samson =PP;

    Comment by yshortcuts — July 6, 2009 @ 9:15 pm

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