June 2, 2006

I’m a Winner!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:46 pm

eagle, US.bmpHoly crap! I received an e-mail from the U.S. Embassy in Chiang Mai,Thailand advising me that I was selected to receive a Visa that will allow me to come to the United States to “start a new life and work.”

Here are some of the details (exactly as they appear in the e-mail):

Congratulations,you have been selected as one of the lucky winners of the US VISA through our internet email extracting and screening machine,your application was applied and processed by our internet email extracting and screening machine which randomly extracts and scans millions of email adresses across the world.

This Special visa programme is new and was innovated by the US embassy in Kuala lumpur Malaysia last year november.The US Consulate in Chiang Mai launched the programme this year november,the programme is designed to be held every year ending.The aim and objectives of the programme is to give free visas to citizens of developing countries around the world to enable them travel to the US and start a new life and work.The Chiang Mai consulate released 12 visas in this regards and hopes to increase the visa number to 24 by late next year,you are among the 12 lucky people that won the visa and among the 5 foreigners that won the visa,7 visas were won by Thai nationals.

I hadn’t known about these internet email extracting and screening machines. Pretty fancy stuff, I think. I am speechless at the thought of being only one of 5 foreigners selected by this machine to win the visa. Amazin’.

All I have to do now is to send my name and address, scanned copies of my passport and the passports of family members and send the U.S. Embassy’s designated agent $355.

Once I do that, I will be in Fat City, because the following will then happen:

Providing the above requirements will assure you your visa certificate/acknowledgement card and visa security pin code which we shall scan to your email adress.With the visa certificate/acknowledgement card and pincode we shall send to you,the U.S embassy in your home country or your country of residence will stamp the 10 years multiple entry visa on your/members of your family international passport within 3 working days immediately you present these documents to them because the Chiang mai Cosulate has confirmed your visa,all they will do is to log in to the U.S Immigration network database and key in your visa pincode there they will find your visa winning details.

I am very impressed by the simplicity of the plan and the clarity with which it is presented. This is a sweet deal.

However, I absolutely must respond within 31 days, or I could lose this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity:

According to the united states code of conduct in the constitution Vol:189/965:Act 220Sl guiding all immigrations,green cards,visas and permit agencies:if non-response after 31 days you receive this message,your winners status shall reveal no interest and we would in response refer your visa certificate/code and acknowledgement card back to the U.S government/immigrations service center.

Damn! I’m glad the embassy reminded me about that pesky “united states code of conduct in the constitution Vol. 189/965: Act 220SI”. I sure as hell would not want my “winners status” to “reveal no interest”.

I truly feel sorry for all you non-winners, but I’m running out to Costco to buy a scanner so that I can get that passport information off to the embassy right away.

The thought of a new life in the U.S. makes me tingle.

15 Comments »

  1. Good luck with your new life. May you prosper, live long and procreate abundantly in the good ol’ US of A. hee hee hee…

    Comment by Lisa W. — June 2, 2006 @ 8:02 pm

  2. Congrats, Jimbo! Hope you like your new life here in the U.S. of A (though, having been to Thailand, the place you’re leaving isn’t so bad…)

    Comment by DMerriman — June 2, 2006 @ 8:44 pm

  3. Shit Jimbo, that ain’t shit. I got an email yesterday saying that a long lost relative has left me 8 million dollars over in south america, shit, I’m rich.

    Comment by Catfish — June 3, 2006 @ 8:38 am

  4. Damn, some people are always the winners in the lottery of life. I wish I could live in the US on a free visa.

    Comment by hoosierboy — June 3, 2006 @ 9:16 am

  5. I with Catfish, cepting I got 10 million.

    Comment by Yabu — June 3, 2006 @ 10:56 am

  6. Jim,

    I’d proceed with caution, something about this seems fishy…

    Comment by Ed T. — June 3, 2006 @ 12:59 pm

  7. … I’m a winner too!…

    Comment by Eric — June 3, 2006 @ 1:12 pm

  8. Something tells me you all need new spam filters. ­čśë

    Comment by Jackie — June 3, 2006 @ 1:30 pm

  9. Who the hell would ever want to leave Thailand?

    http://beerbrains.mu.nu/archives/cat_harvs_pattaya_beach_pics.php

    Comment by Harvey — June 3, 2006 @ 2:23 pm

  10. Jimbo,

    I just found out Jambo means hello in Swahili. I thought you might need that info since you are getting so International in your life.

    Comment by Brian, "Proud to be a Veteran" — June 3, 2006 @ 3:25 pm

  11. All your spam are belong to us.

    Comment by dogette — June 4, 2006 @ 8:07 am

  12. OMG – how come I never win any good stuff?

    Have fun in America Jim, but watch out for those people who don’t like immigrants.

    Comment by Teresa — June 4, 2006 @ 1:21 pm

  13. Eh. Just ignore the offer and go to the US illegally. You’ll probably be treated better and be able to get more government benefits if you aren’t actually a citizen or a legal immigrant.

    Comment by wonderingnj — June 4, 2006 @ 11:17 pm

  14. Damn you. I was number 6 …

    Comment by jamesoldguy — June 5, 2006 @ 11:56 am

  15. Gee, all I got was a proposal of marriage from some guy in Croatia
    and 4,527 offers to see Angelina Jolie nekkid.

    Comment by Libby — June 6, 2006 @ 8:19 pm

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