June 25, 2006

With a Little Help From My Friend.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:05 pm

Hamburger.jpgIt was time.

The old grill, from Sears, was about to turn twenty, and it was struggling to manage even a couple burgers and dogs. It served me well over the years, considering that I use it twelve months per year, even though cooking in sub-freezing weather presents some interesting wardrobe challenges.

Actually, it was long past its time, but I had held off making the move for a new one out of a morbid fear of having to assemble the sonofabitch. I recall the nightmare that I went through to assemble the current grill some twenty years ago, when a cousin of mine (as hopelessly inept as I) and I spent the better part of the day reading and debating the instructions, only to assemble disassemble and re-assemble the damned thing a half dozen times. When we were through, we were left with a couple “mystery parts”.

In addition, I knew that these things come in big boxes – VERY BIG BOXES. The boxes are even too big to fit in the trunk of my big, black, capitalist car.

I called upon Usual Suspect Jeff (da “Chef of da Future” – a Jackie Gleason thing), who: (a) has a TRUCK (something most people in Jersey don’t have), and (b) he knows how to do stuff like put stuff together.

We trucked off to Lowe’s where from the collection of grills I picked out this one. It was the only Weber Lowe’s had, but that was OK, because it has everything I need. I didn’t want a grill that looked like the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. I need it to cook the occasional burger, hot dog, chicken breast or steak. I don’t plan on roasting any pigs (ewwwwww), or spinning a half dozen chickens on a spit.

We got the big farookin’ box in the truck and brought back to the House by the Parkway, where “we” began the assembly process. Actually, as a first step, we emptied the big farookin’ box, spread all of the gazillion parts all over the garage floor and then unfolded the mondo instructions out on the floor.

I looked at the instructions and almost puked.

Jeff, recognizing the terror in my face, suggested that I make us a couple cocktails. Now, THAT, I can do.

Mrs. Parkway, who has an unmistakable aptitude for putting stuff together (which has served me quite well over the years), came out and jumped right into the project.

I made more drinks and told interesting stories.

As the job neared completion, it became my task to gather up all the packing stuff to be thrown away. No one let me near any screws, bolts, washers or any of the parts that had come in the huge box. I was now the Garbage Guy.

After about 45 minutes and a couple three cocktails, the job was done, and the garbage was all packed up.

We humped the new grill up the stairs to my deck and fired it up for a test run. Everything worked. Sweet!

I poured more Chivas for Jeff, and a cocktail or two for me, and we spent an hour or so celebrating “our” successful assembly of the new grill, generally shooting the shit and having a few laughs.

I may be a helluva Cocktail Guy and an average Garbage Guy, but I damned sure ain’t a Put-Shit-Together Guy.

I’m glad that Jeff is my friend.


  1. I am the putter-togetherer in our house. It’s best that G just leaves and lets me do my thing when it comes to furniture-assemblage. It comes very natural to me; I’m super organized, count everything out before I start, match it up with all of the parts listings and then go from there. I think it’s too much for him. I’m a Type A; he’s not 🙂
    Enjoy the grill, it’s a beaut!

    Comment by Lisa W. — June 25, 2006 @ 8:37 pm

  2. Heh – no way I’m ever putting one of those puppies together. My husband and I wandered over to Ye Olde Appliance store, found the grill we wanted, paid them to put it together and deliver it. All I had to do was take the propane tank to be filled and figure out how to connect it. This is a task I am able to accomplish. We got the 4 burner model, so I can do vegies on one side and meat on the other.

    We’ve been using ours since we got it at the end of April – haven’t used my oven even once since then – I love it! Now, if only I could cook stuff like rice and noodles on it, I’d be very happy. LOL.

    Comment by Teresa — June 25, 2006 @ 11:47 pm

  3. Long live Weber. Dale bought me a Silver Series a couple of years ago from Orchard Supply Hardware, a smaller outfit that competes with Loews and they assembled it for no extra charge. Of course that is not as much fun as bartending for an assembly crew and we all know that “liquir is quicker”……..
    Easy to get home since everyone in central California, including me, has a pick-up and only lawyers have big black capitalist cars.

    Comment by Brian, "Proud to be a Veteran" — June 26, 2006 @ 1:17 am

  4. Ooooh – cool grill. Or should I say HOT? When I brought ours home several years ago (yes, with a pickup) my husband made himself scarce. Didn’t even offer to make me cocktails. . . I was gonna ask about that “assembling thing”. I think that most places will do it for you gratis. I like putting things together, though.

    Comment by moos — June 26, 2006 @ 1:48 pm

  5. 26,000 BTU-per-hour input. Whoa.

    Ruh-ruh-ruh! (feeble attempt to make the manly Tim Allen noise)

    Comment by dogette — June 26, 2006 @ 2:01 pm

  6. Oh I started to read this and wanted to yell, “Stop the madness, Jim! You can pay them to put it together for you!”

    And teh way I look at it, you’re Laundry Man too, and one of the best, so someone else can be Put Shit Together Guy. 🙂

    Comment by Bou — June 26, 2006 @ 10:48 pm

  7. I *love* my Weber, I’ve owned it for 8 years now, haven’t had to replace anything and it still looks not a day over 1 year old…

    You’ll enjoy the Weber – hope you got a cover for it, it will last that much longer… (or at least preserve its stylish good looks).

    Ech… I need to teach my wife how to make cocktails, since I am the putter-togethererer in at our house….

    Comment by Mike R. — June 27, 2006 @ 11:14 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

Powered by WordPress