September 19, 2006

Mr. Straw, Meet Mr. Camel’s Back.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:15 pm

Being a native of New Jersey, I have learned to live with traffic jams, highway tolls, crowded everything, rude people, bone-crushing taxes, tropical and arctic weather, mobsters, and even a seemingly endless supply of crooked politicians, but this shit is downright intolerable.

Happy the Clown gazed over her red, glittery nose at the multitude of painted-on smiles gathered before her yesterday on the Seaside Heights boardwalk and paused for a moment of seriousness.

“This is your day,” she cried to her fellow clowns. “And there is no other day like it in the world.”

Yes, hundreds of these grotesquely painted, erratically behaving, personal space-invading adults swarmed the Jersey Shore inflicting their dumbshittery on the citizens of New Jersey, and scaring the dogshit out of hundreds of children in the process.

What’s next? A herd, pod, clutch, bevy, pride, band, troop, pack shit load of alligators prancing down the Seaside Heights Boardwalk?

I’m jus sayin’.


  1. Well, depending on how you take this bit of news – my boss informed me today I’m to set up a “tour of New Jersey” in the upcoming months.

    I don’t know which is worse. A shit load of clowns or me – tryin’ to find my way around.

    Just a friendly warning!!

    Comment by Tammi — September 19, 2006 @ 9:50 pm

  2. … I don’t know, Jimbo… but I’d rather have alligators than clowns any day….

    Comment by Eric — September 19, 2006 @ 10:10 pm

  3. Jim – I read about this in the papers this weekend and had nightmares. Can’t tell the difference between politicians and entertainers in this state anymore!

    Comment by Shamrock — September 19, 2006 @ 10:37 pm

  4. Well how bout this? When my daughter was working her erstwhile rental car company job, they had a desk at a local hotel which was her office for a while. They had a convention of people who dressed like and paraded around with their favorite stuffed animals. Not sure which is worse, an adult dressed as a clown, or an adult dressed like a large stuffed tiger… both are scary.

    Comment by Teresa — September 19, 2006 @ 11:35 pm

  5. Clowns is why they invented chainsaws

    Comment by GUYK — September 20, 2006 @ 12:36 am

  6. Well, I’m afraid of gators and chainsaws, whereas I farookin’ HATE clowns. I also don’t have much use for peeps who dress up as stuffed animals. Sounds like a California thing to me. There is something a bit compelling about the thought of having everyone in the State House painted up and wearing big, floppy shoes — their true colors, so to speak.

    And, Tammi. I can give you directions. Hell, I’ve spent my entire life lost in Jersey.


    Comment by Jim — September 20, 2006 @ 1:03 am

  7. Maybe the gators will eat the clowns…

    Comment by DMerriman — September 20, 2006 @ 4:51 am

  8. Clowns…….yuck.

    Comment by Jean — September 20, 2006 @ 5:43 am

  9. Yeah, Seaside Heights … I know it well. Land of the Gigantor Scary Coaster that makes me feel like I’m gonna fly off the track and crash into the waves of the Atlantic below, surely to be eaten by a waiting gator.

    Clowns on the boardwalk … jeez … nothing surprises me about Jersey anymore. Were their names McGreevey & Whitman by any chance?

    Comment by erica — September 20, 2006 @ 9:24 am

  10. Jimbo, there are frequently gators on the boards of Seaside. Every 4 years. Even king gators like Brendan Byrne and Bill Bradley have put in appearances. They reach out their teeth covered hands for you in hopes you will feed (elect) them. Of course, McGreevey was probably under the boards (or in one of the rest rooms).
    Of course, some think they are just harmless lovable clowns – – – but WE know one person’s clown is another’s gator. Beware !!

    Comment by Charlie — September 20, 2006 @ 11:22 am

  11. Eeew…clowns…For once I’m glad I’m not at the beach.

    Comment by Amy — September 20, 2006 @ 12:47 pm

  12. Honk If You’re Scared…

    It’s been a while since I posted a link like this for Jim. May the nightmares commence!


    Trackback by Electric Venom — September 20, 2006 @ 4:15 pm

  13. yo,

    A band I was playing in had the pleasure of entertaining these mutants about 5 years ago and i must say even when they are out of costume they didn’t seem to be out of character.
    Chuckles the Magic Clown almost made me go all Rob Marshall on his ass and thereby do the world a huge farookin’ favor.
    I’m not sayin’ nuthin’……I’m just sayin’

    Oh and By the way…..
    Navigating traffic circles are a test of manliness in certain parts of Ocean County…..Survival of the fittest in its purest form!!

    Comment by Bill Roberts — September 20, 2006 @ 4:28 pm

  14. Bill,

    I’ve played before various collections of weird agents in my day, but playing to a room full of off-duty clowns has me beat.

    I am in “ore” of your restraint.


    Comment by Jim — September 20, 2006 @ 7:02 pm

  15. Zombie, gator riding clowns, now that is the ticket!!!I guess we know where Vman is hiding now.

    Comment by jamesoldguy — September 21, 2006 @ 12:16 pm

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