September 21, 2006

Primo Piss.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:37 pm

Piss primo.jpgI received this e-mail about a week ago, and, as a service to PRS readers, I thought I would pass it along just in case any of you are in the market for some quality processed piss from the Ukraine.

Dudes, check it out. It’s “pure white”, “anti-caking treated” and most definitely not radioactive (Whew!). This is some seriously good shit stuff – way better than that bottled-water-fueled domestic processed piss.

So, if the prospect of getting your hands on Premium Processed Pee puckers your nibbitz, Mr. Feng is definitely your guy.


To: jim
Subject: Urea 46

Dear Sir,
We are the sole agent of Ukraine urea , we supply following specification of urea with the favourable price CIF148/MT, if you have the demand, please contact us.

GDHX. IM & EX GROUP
Sales manager
Mr Feng
Fax: 86-662-3199738
Email: urea@21cn.com

Urea 46% Agricultural Prilled-shall conform with the following specifications and/or standard international specifications
NITROGEN – 46% MINIMUM
BIURET – 1.0% MAXIMUM
MOISTURE – 0.5% MAXIMUM BY METHOD OF DRYING
FISHER METHOD – 0.3% MAX
FREE AMMONIA -160 PXT PPM MAXIMUM
GRANULATION – 2-4MM, 90% MINIMUM
COLOR – PURE WHITE
FREE FLOWING – 100% ANTICAKING TREATED
MELTING POINT – 132 DEGREE CELSIUS
STATIC RESIST – 0.7%
RADIATION – CERTIFIED NON-RADIOACTIVE
PHYSICAL – FREE FROM HARMFUL SUBSTANCE, IMPURITIES & DUST
Packaging minimum 50kg per bag or heavier in three ply bags.

If bother you, please forgive and delete this mail.

7 Comments »

  1. “International specifications”? “Melting Point”? This is almost as weird as the spam I get with the offerings of “Pee Pee Growth.” Who the heck is that supposed to appeal to – a 4-year-old?

    Comment by Shamrock — September 21, 2006 @ 10:15 pm

  2. uh … “puckers your nibbitz?” … is that anything like “frosts your stindeens?”

    and if so, where can I find more of those tasty little ‘isms.

    Comment by erica — September 22, 2006 @ 12:57 am

  3. “Puckers your nibbitz” – that’s right up there with “Funge in the Knibber,” which is what my uncle always threatened to give us little Snot-Noses.

    Hate to spoil the romance, but agricultural grade urea is generally made synthetically, not from some sort of humongous Piss-Desiccation operation in East Blednarth.

    But it’s useful as a fertilizer. You can also mold it into Canine Shapes. Wee Doggies.

    Comment by Elisson — September 22, 2006 @ 1:05 am

  4. Elisson,

    Being the romantic that I am, I prefer to imagine legions of vodka-addled Ukranian peeps pissing for rubles into a network of troughs, all leading to a big pissky dessicator.

    Comment by Jim — September 22, 2006 @ 2:05 am

  5. Ukranian piss? Finally, they’re starting to export that stuff. I was wondering when they would…

    Comment by Lisa W. — September 22, 2006 @ 7:16 am

  6. And here I thought we had enough of our own local pissing… now the Ukraine wants in on the action! Did they lose out on the Russian contract?

    But I would love to see pics of you creating Wee Doggies with this stuff. *grin*

    Comment by Teresa — September 22, 2006 @ 1:59 pm

  7. Jim, the whole message is obviously another of those “accidentally” misdirected government secret alien-landing coverup emails. I mean really. “Urea 46”? I don’t THINK so. Try “Area 51.” And “Mr. Feng”? It’s not much of a stretch to see that Feng has four letters, and so does R-O-V-E. You see the problem. “Please contact us.” Ha! You get all the good mail, Jim.

    Comment by dogette — September 22, 2006 @ 11:26 pm

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