February 6, 2007

Un-Holy Crap!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:11 am

leeK rwinI.jpgMore often than I care to admit, I find myself awakened in the wee hours of the morning by the sound of an infomercial that is all about, … well …, shit. Perhaps you’ve seen it. It pitches a product called “Dual Action Cleanse” and features a fellow named Klee Irwin, the self-proclaimed developer of the product, talking to two people (at least one of whom purports to be a physician, as I recall) all about, … well …, shit.

If this Klee fellow is to be believed, we are all strutting about with a pickup truck-sized load of shit parked in our intestines at any given time. This, in turn, is causative of everything from diabetes to global warming. What to do?

Klee says that what we all need is a damned good cleaning, which will result in the production of longer and fatter stronzi.

Can I get an “Amen”?

Perhaps the weirdest part of the infomercial is Klee Irwin’s appearance. He has slicked-back, mondo greasy hair, lots of make up and one of those pencil-thin mustaches (see above), which reminds me of Steve Buscemi’s scuzzoid character in the movie Fargo. Perhaps the theory is that, if you are going to be a snake-oil salesman**, you might as well look like a snake oil salesman.

Here is a site that contains some quotes and video clips of Klee Irwin talking animatedly about the size (length and girth) of his four- year old daughter’s turds. No kidding.

By comparison, the infomercial in which Ron Popeil pitches that “Set it, and Forget it” gizmo is a work of art.

No shit.

** Here is a medical review of “Dual Action Cleanse”. Klee Irwin’s company has marketed several other products, such as Green Tea Fat Metabolizer, Steel Libido for Women, Phase 2 Carb-Blocker, and the Feel Good Chocolate Diet. Notably, at least one of his other products has earned him a love note from the FDA.

17 Comments

  1. Jim, the first time I saw him, I was scanning the channels in the wee hours and stopped when I thought I was seeing a young John Waters. Then when I realized he was giving a dissertaion on the subject of bowel movements and such, I thought that it was some long lost JW interview. I kept waiting for Divine to show up, then I caught on. Like the cops say, “keep moving, there’s nothing here for you to see…”

    Comment by gregor — February 6, 2007 @ 7:52 am

  2. i’m dying…my grandmother has given me the blow by blow on this infomercial. the extra ton of rubberized goop in our bowels, the whole thing.

    ok, here’s the funny part, and i haven’t watched the vids yet so maybe it’s answered there, but i asked my grandma “how do you take this wonder cleaner?” and she had no idea. if it was a pill, or a drink, or an ass vaccuum, absolutely no idea. still kind of the family joke, wondering if grandma ever her bowels decaked. ilcckh!

    Comment by shoe — February 6, 2007 @ 6:16 pm

  3. wow…awesome links. just read the dubious claims and the instruction panel, hilarious!!

    great post!!

    Comment by shoe — February 6, 2007 @ 6:18 pm

  4. Hey! Sweetthing buys this peppermint candy sweetened with nutri sweet that will do it pretty cheap..and it tastes good going down..it is not on the market as a farter starter..just a side effect..

    Comment by GUYK — February 6, 2007 @ 6:50 pm

  5. I cannot bring myself to click on the link to watch that video.

    Comment by Shamrock — February 6, 2007 @ 8:35 pm

  6. Jimbo… is this the same guy who claims John Wayne had 40 pounds of poop in his colon when he died? There’s a reason it comes on at 0300.

    Comment by Pixie — February 6, 2007 @ 8:59 pm

  7. It is the same guy who makes the John Wayne poop claim. Klee Irwin, Mr. Poop Expert, should have taken ten seconds to check Snopes before he made that statement.

    Jimbo

    Comment by Jim — February 6, 2007 @ 9:08 pm

  8. I feel like we’re friends enough that I could tell you this post – replete with well written facts and sources – gave me the total skeevatoids.

    This would mark the third or fourth attempt I’ve made at trying to comment today, but each time I read about beefy stronzis and pickup trucks filled with dry, hard doodie, I simply have to comport myself and leave.

    Oy.

    Comment by Erica — February 6, 2007 @ 10:33 pm

  9. As long as you start your day with a nice bowl of Colon Blow, there’s really no need for artificial measures.

    Comment by dogette — February 7, 2007 @ 9:21 am

  10. Leave a comment? More like leave a deposit!

    Comment by Cappy — February 7, 2007 @ 9:16 pm

  11. Didja get many hits from Ohio today Jimbo? The lunchroom (can you even freakin’ believe it?…gah, the people I work with) conversation was THIS VERY TOPIC.

    I just directed everyone to your site – thanks for doing all the research!

    Comment by Pixie — February 7, 2007 @ 10:42 pm

  12. Oh and LMAO @ Cappy! * giggle-snort! *

    Comment by Pixie — February 7, 2007 @ 10:43 pm

  13. This dood is my internal enema-y. A The only guy on tv with ball enough to sell people their own shit. It is fukin’ jeenyus! Can you imagine people sitting aroung who probably had taken for granted the whole poop business. that is ’til ol’ Klee came along. I’d klove to here his cinsultations.
    “Ya know Klee, Ole Buddy, I never noticed that my shit actually has food particles, Carrots, peanuts, lettuce, my neighbor, you name it, if I look close enough I can see it!”
    Klee responds. “This is what ive been saying all along , our colons are like storage facilities for our waste. If we don’t get them clean enough. the next time we take a shit, the old shit’ll come out. Causing a double John boy turd which mean it can be less girthy and more stinky. By the way, I’ll need a sample to take with me for research, There is an exiting new theory that waste products can actually help cause infections, Which, cou;ld be beneficial those without infections”
    This dood is a turd muncher, BTW thats not a moustache, it’s actually a talking rectum.
    Just my theory about “KLEEE”

    Comment by Brett J Gafney — January 24, 2008 @ 10:58 pm

  14. Sorry about the poor overall writing, I’m High.

    Comment by Brett J Gafney — January 24, 2008 @ 10:59 pm

  15. I sell this stuff for 60 bones a kit you take one of each in the morning and at night yeah he is a renob its a pill not a ass vacuum

    Comment by sam — February 17, 2008 @ 12:07 pm

  16. you can actually do the lemonade clense for free….you take grade B maple syrup, fresh lemons, distilled water and cayanne pepper, mix it up and drink it everyday for 10 days and you’ll be all kleened out….they have the recipe on the interwebs, somewhere….i’m not gonna post a link, cause then this would look like spam…..w00t!

    i personally would rather ‘clense’ my colon w/ mcdonalds cheeseburgers and shakes….you know, the ones w/ the glass beads in them? lol

    Comment by Tidbit — July 2, 2008 @ 6:08 am

  17. The way this guy talks you can already see that he is shaking his ass “probably you need cleanse” “ooohhh uuuhhhh”. he is telling in his idiotic commercial that it’s virtually impossible not to get clogs which makes perfect sense, even a 5th grader can understand why, it’s like how pipes in the house get clogged, but at the same time shaking his ass and telling, PROBABLY you need a cleanse. Well, if all of us get cloged then all of us need a periodic cleanse until we get clogged again. By being cut in this word game, it is apparant that this guy is a BSer. A salseman who just wants to seel those who will think “oh see he is not pushy at all, let me buy from him” and ignoring the facts that he is just playing. It’s good that there are millions of complaints about this guy, I was about to order this product but decided to search for reviews, and their company has the most PATHETIC REVIEW OF ALL.

    Comment by Art — July 17, 2008 @ 4:48 am

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Powered by WordPress