February 26, 2007

Al Gore’s E-Mails.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:13 pm

lA oreG.jpgUnless you have been living in a cave, you know that former Vice President Al Gore won an Academy Award for his “documentary” concerning global warming. As you might imagine, Mr. Gore received numerous congratulatory e-mails and a few not so congratulatory ones.

PRS Operatives have obtained copies of several of those e-mails, which appear below.

Dear Al,

So now you’re Mr. Big Shot Academy Award winner?

Mazel Tov, NOT!!

As far as I’m concerned, you’re still a backstabbing swine.


Very truly yours,
Joe Lieberman

Dear Mr. Gore:

I received your recent letter in which you demanded a refund of the fee you paid for our Dale Carnegie course entitled “Developing an Engaging Personality”. You claim that you are entitled to a refund because you failed to successfully complete the course.

As our guaranty plainly states, if you fail to successfully complete the course, at your option, you may have a refund, or you can re-take the course at no charge. You opted to re-take the course, and, in fact, you have re-taken the course six times, and you failed each time.

Mr. Gore, enough is enough.

J. William Attridge
President, Dale Carnegie, Inc.

P.S. Oh, congratulations on your award. You must have been a real live wire at those Hollywood parties.

Dear Mr. Gore:

We at the Mayo Clinic have received your inquiry concerning elective surgery.

I regret to inform you that medical science has yet to develop a surgical procedure for a personality transplant.

Have you considered a Dale Carnegie course?

Yours truly,

George A. Sommers, M.D.
Chief Medical Administrator
The Mayo Clinic

Dear Al:

Now that you’re swimming in cash, do you think you might finally settle up on the $275 thousand still outstanding for the legal fees you owe me for maintaining a straight face while I tried to sell that steaming batch of bullshit to the courts in 2000?


If I do not received payment in full within ten (10) days, I shall obtain a judgment against you in that amount and attach your private jet and SUVs.

Don’t mess with me, Al.

David Boise, Esq.

Dear Al,

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Your documentary was AWESOME!!!

I really like your style and the care you took in doing the necessary research. How about we collaborate on a documentary? It would be so AWESOME. I’m thinking of doing a film that will offer indisputable proof that the Bush family is comprised of aliens from a fascist planet in another galaxy. Sweet, no?

Call me when you get a chance. We can do dinner.

From one Oscar winner to another,

Michael Moore

Dear Al:

Any chance I could get a part in your next movie?

I could play Bill Clinton.

Very truly yours,
Charles Manson
Inmate #277654

Dear Al, Pal o’ Mine:

Got any tips for getting into the movie business?

I’m planning for my future.

Your pal,
John Kerry

Dear Asshole:

Now that you’re getting all this ink, don’t even THINK about telling your new Hollywood Best Pals to support anyone but me in 2008. Just so we’re clear, if you pull that shit, I’ll squash you like the pus sack you are. Tipper too.


Hillary Clinton


  1. Great job Jim! Loved them all but especially the Dale Carnegie, Mayo Clinic and Hillary Clinton e-mails.

    Comment by joated — February 26, 2007 @ 8:07 pm

  2. Very glad to see you are such a fan!

    ; )

    Comment by Christina — February 26, 2007 @ 8:10 pm

  3. you buried the lead! Turns out le Maison d’ Gore uses more power in one day that most homes use in a week.

    Funny stuff.

    Comment by Shabe — February 27, 2007 @ 3:14 pm

  4. Oh and did you catch the part where Leo was telling us that Al has been fighting global warming for the last 30 years? Here’s the email from Vint Cerf:

    Dear Al,

    You were a busy guy 30 years ago, fighting global warming when everyone else was fighting global cooling. Don’t even THINK of making a movie about inventing the internet (which it seems you claim you were doing at about that same time).

    Any movie about the internet with you as the creator will cause each computer you touch to mysteriously crash. I can find you where ever you try to hide online.

    One of the guys who really did invent the internet

    Comment by Teresa — February 27, 2007 @ 6:09 pm

  5. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    “I’ll squash you like the pus sack you are. Tipper too.”
    RICH! Freakin’ RICH!

    Thanks, Jimbo! Bless you for haulin’ your sick body out of bed and making us laugh! Didn’t you just KNOW that those narcissistic hollyweird clowns were going to give Al Gore, the whore, an “Oscar”. Absolutely no longer any credibility – these so-called “award” shows! Not one shred of credibility! Bob Hope must be rolling in his grave! What a bunch of nincompoops! Al Gore…an OSCAR! For Pete’s friggin’ sake! Snark!

    Comment by Lee — February 28, 2007 @ 12:04 am

  6. Regarding my earlier point about the “Oscars” being stripped of any shred of credibility…here’s this…courtesy of Sandra K…

    Flashback to 1944’s 16th Academy Awards ceremony…

    Cheers to the Golden Age of Hollywood

    Best Picture
    Casablanca (Winner)
    For Whom the Bell Tolls
    Heaven Can Wait
    The Human Comedy
    In Which We Serve
    Madame Curie
    The More the Merrier
    The Ox-Bow Incident
    The Song of Bernadette
    Watch on the Rhine

    Best Actor
    Humphrey Bogart
    Gary Cooper
    Paul Lukas (Winner for “Watch on the Rhine”)
    Walter Pidgeon
    Mickey Rooney

    Best Actress
    Jean Arthur
    Ingrid Bergman
    Joan Fontaine
    Greer Garson
    Jennifer Jones (Winner for “The Song of Bernadette”)

    Best Documentary Feature
    Baptism of Fire
    Battle of Russia
    Desert Victory (Winner)
    Report from the Aleutians
    War Department Report

    Best Documentary Short Subject
    Children of Mars
    December 7th (Winner)
    Plan for Destruction
    Swedes in America
    To the People of the United States
    Tomorrow We Fly
    Youth in Crisis

    Best Song
    That Old Black Magic
    Change of Heart
    Happiness Is a Thing Called Joe
    My Shining Hour
    Saludos, Amigos
    Say a Prayer for the Boys Over There
    They’re Either Too Young or Too Old
    We Mustn’t Say Good Bye
    You’d Be So Nice to Come Home To
    You’ll Never Know (Winner)

    Best Short Subject (One-reel)
    Amphibious Fighters (Winner)
    Cavalcade of the Dance
    Champions Carry On
    Hollywood In Uniform
    Seeing Hands

    Best Short Subject (Two-reel)
    Heavenly Music (Winner)
    Letter to a Hero
    Mardi Gras
    Women At War

    Other Notables
    Free passes were given out to men and women in uniform and ten tiers of seats rose up at the rear of the stage for the soldiers and sailors invited to attend the show. Their arrival got the most sustained applause of the night.

    And contrary to the inconvenient truth of last night’s energy sucking extravaganza… because of war restrictions that year, only one spotlight was used outside Grauman’s Theatre. In addition, no parking service was provided which meant that guests were forced to *gasp* fend for themselves.

    No War for Oil

    Yannow, all snarking aside, it really does sadden me to see just how far Hollywood has fallen. I’m seriously beginning to wonder if our industry can ever again rise to the standards of ethics and brilliance it once possessed.

    Is the Golden Age merely a dream remembered?

    At this point, I’m afraid the answer is yes.

    Comment by Lee — February 28, 2007 @ 12:15 am

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