This Sunday, I watched the segment of Meet the Press that is known as something like “The Roundtable”, and it was as awful as ever. I often ask myself, Yo, Jimbo, why do you insist on driving your blood pressure to dangerous levels by watching any of the Blowhards on Sunday mornings?

I have no good answer other than to suggest that it is not unlike making the tip of one’s tongue raw by poking, poking, poking at a perceived irregularity in one’s tooth. It is also like the compulsion to pick at a scab.

I simply have to stop watching that crap. Therefore, I’ve decided that I would write the typical Roundtable, tack it to the refrigerator and give it a quick read on Sunday mornings instead of firing up NBC and further exposing myself to yet another life-threatening bullshit barrage. Feel free to tape/magnet it to your fridge. No charge.

Here ‘tis:

Timmy and the Blowhards

Tim Russert: Welcome. This is the segment of the program where we discuss this week’s news with a group of well-known journalists. On today’s panel are: Frank Rich, noted columnist and former Broadway Critic for the New York Times, Andrea Mitchell, veteran NBC Correspondent, Maureen Dowd, New York Times columnist, and Dana Priest, Pulitzer Prize winning reporter for the Washington Post.

Tim Russert: Well, it’s been a rough week for the President. His poll numbers are in the tank, the violence continues in Iraq, and even members of his own party, such as the Great and Learned Chuck Hagel, are turning on him.

Tim Russert: Frank, you’re a former Broadway critic, now colmunist, what do you think of Bush’s performance?

Frank Rich: Anything but boffo, Tim. I think that Bush is a hopeless lush and a war criminal.

Tim Russert: Very interesting and very important, Frank. Andrea, do you agree with Frank’s take on Bush?

Andrea Mitchell: Not completely, Tim. I think Bush is a cokehead and a war criminal.

Tim Russert: Thought provoking, Andrea. Maureen, what are your thoughts on the Bush Presidency?

Maureen Dowd: I think the Bushies are fine, but only if you like idiots, and neocon fascists whose actions are the reason why really smart and really hip people all over the world hate America.

Tim Russert: So, you don’t think he’s a war criminal?

Maureen Dowd: Oh yeah, war criminal? For sure, Tim.

Tim Russert: Dana Priest, you’ve written some excellent pieces on the egregious abuses of power by the Bush Administration. How do you view the Bush Administration?

Dana Priest: Tim, everyone, or perhaps I should say, everyone of any consequence absolutely knows that Bush is a dangerous, drug addled frat boy moron, who, as John Kerry so aptly put it, has made America an “International Pariah”.

Tim Russert: But is he a war criminal?

Dana Priest: Is the Pope Catholic, Tim? Oh, and before I forget, I want to let you know that I have obtained the complete military operational plans for the securing of Baghdad, which I will be publishing in a few days. Don’t miss it.

Tim Russert: That’s awesome, Dana. We’re looking forward to it.

Tim Russert: Well, there you have it. Thanks for tuning in. And, remember. If it’s Sunday, it’s Meet the Press.