Hat Peeps.
I like hats. I like them a lot. I like all kinds of hats. I even have quite a few. In fact, the one pictured is my NASCAR hat I sometimes wear for my guy who drives the pea-shit green car, No. 18. I have a shitload of other ball caps that I wear (one at a time, of course) when I walk in the morning, and the reason for that is mainly to cover my yet-uncombed hair. It may be great farookin’ hair, but in the morning, it can be quite cavemanish. I also have a couple woolen sock caps that I wear (again, one at a time) when walking in the seriously freezing weather and when shoveling snowblowing. Function, not fashion, folks.
The thing is, other than the occasions noted above, I don’t wear hats very often, and there are a few reasons for that.
The first and perhaps most obvious reason is that I don’t wear hats is that I hate like hell to cover my head thereby preventing the world from beholding my great farookin’ hair. The second reason is that, once I put a hat on my head, I have to leave it there for the duration, because it invariably causes “hat-head,†an affliction common to those of us with lots of hair. The third and most important reason why I don’t wear hats very often is that I look like a bit of a douche bag when I wear a hat.
For example, I would LOVE to wear a cowboy hat, but as I’ve noted elsewhere, when I put one on, I look like a Jewish dentist named “Mel†trying to look like a cowboy. This is a strange phenomenon, given that I’m not Jewish, I’m not a dentist, and my name’s not “Melâ€. Go figure.
I just don’t wear hats well.
There are some people who can put any damned thing on their heads and look great. My friend and bodyguard, Ken, looks great in any hat he wears, from a ball cap, to an Indiana Jones hat, to one of those cab driver caps, and even a Panama Jack straw number.
Same thing with Elisson. He’s the cat’s ass in his trademark white fedora, and I’ve seen him a sport couple other lids, and he wears the shit out of all of them. I met Elisson for the first time in Austin last year. I was in the hotel bar (naturally) and in the distance down the long hallway that led into the bar, I could see the white fedora bouncing up and down, and I knew just who it was under that lid. The man can sure wear a hat.
Then there is V-Man. I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures of him wearing the now infamous RED hat with the purple feather in it. Poifect! I’ve also seen a photo of him on someone’s blog (I think Elisson’s) wearing a farookin’ doo-rag (In New Orleans, I believe) and the sumbitch looked good in that too. He’s definitely another hat guy.
I can’t leave out RedNeck, who just wouldn’t be RedNeck without a baseball cap, usually one that has something to do with Budweiser. Another hat guy.
Some folks are hat peeps, and some are not, I suppose. We all play the hand we’re dealt.
Well, I’ll leave you with that clutch of pointless observations as I head off to Da Post (hatless, of course) to tip a few with the Usual Suspects.
Play nice today.
I usually wear a black watch cap, one of those knitted things that go well with a CPO jacket. I also have a black Fedora for those elegant occasions. I used to be a big fan of hats years ago, I used to wear a genuine Stetson, gray with a big silver star on the front, but got out of the habit for some reason. I think dress hats are pretty elegant, my father never left the house without one, or a tie, for that matter.
Comment by gregor — April 1, 2007 @ 4:12 pm
What a fun post, and don’t even get me started on the connection between Kaballah/Jewish mysticism and JJ Yeley. His time will come, mark my words, Jimno…he is definitely the one to watch, and will roll in in first place one of these days.
That said, you and your Great Farookin’ Hairâ„¢ need to get a Great Farookin’ Grip.
(I look great in cowboy hats, by the way…and baseball hats. Neeners.)
Comment by Erica — April 1, 2007 @ 4:57 pm
(A much later afterthought: We both have the word “Peeps” in the titles of our posts today. I posted mine first!)
Comment by Erica — April 1, 2007 @ 7:16 pm
I’ve been a hat model for years..Dad always said I needed to use my head for something..
A few years ago I started wearing a floppy “boondock” hat that has a wide brim that will fold down and let the water run off of it in the rain..good fishin’ hats and keeps my neck from getting any redder.
Comment by GUYK — April 1, 2007 @ 8:57 pm
Unless it is for protection or comfort, I see NO reason to cover that great farookin’ hair!
Comment by Jean — April 1, 2007 @ 9:42 pm
I must say I’m quite THE SHIT in a hat.
Particularly the fedora type and similar.
RWR
http://www.rightwingrocker.com
Comment by RightWingRocker — April 2, 2007 @ 2:20 pm
V-Man wore the doo-rag in Helen the year you didn’t make it. I hate hats, but I do wear one when I’m on a dive boat and I’ve discovered I need to wear one when I drive for long periods in the Z3 with the top down. Got sunboint on my way to Christina’s week before last.
Comment by Denny — April 3, 2007 @ 2:02 pm
Man, hat’s are like underwear to me… I change ’em every couple of days just to mix it up. Found a good sale a month or so ago at a local department store on OSU hat’s. Jackpot baby… bought 3 of ’em. They were marked down ’cause we lost the first national championship… no, that’s not a bank. Come next fall, if I don’t smear fish guts and dippity doo all over ’em, I’m gonna be the shit fo shizzle. Hell Jimbo, now, I just may have enough inspiration for a lidflap post of my own come to think of it. Matter of fact, I’ve only recently seen 1 photo of my nekkid head, and that was at Eric’s last fall. Georgia was wearin’ it…
Comment by RedNeck — April 3, 2007 @ 5:24 pm
I can not stand to wear hats. I don’t know why, I’ve just never liked them. Then there’s the whole “hat head” aspect wherein, once I put a hat on, I have a ring around my hair… meaning I must wear it for the entire rest of the day.
The other thing is that so few hats fit my head… Few real women’s hats (as opposed to baseball caps) even fit my head… and no, it’s not fat – it’s hair… *grin*
Comment by Teresa — April 3, 2007 @ 9:13 pm