April 6, 2007

Squat Pissing?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 5:20 pm

In a comment to yesterday’s post, Chickie shared

Not to make light of your washroom woes, but I am laughing my ass off right now (yes, pun intended). That shit drives me crazy (I can’t help it, sorry) – in the ‘ladies'” room (and I use that term loosely), these morons who squat drive me bonkers when they piss all over the seat and leave it there. Sit your ass down and pee dammit!

Squat pissing?

Not being one who frequents ladies’ rooms,** I was unaware of this curious phenomenon. Now that I have been put wise to this practice, I can only wonder if the squat pissers (Perhaps we should call them “Squissers”) realize that the pee-on-the-seat problem could be avoided by simply raising the farookin’ seat!

I know, I know, “Like, ewwwwww, Jimbo, I’d have to touch the seat!”

Truth is, I think that touching the seat (which, by the way, can be done with one’s foot, or with a piece of, yes, toilet paper in one’s hand) is only part of the problem . I think that women are genetically pre-disposed to NEVER lift the farookin’ seat, and heaven forbid that they have to actually lower the seat before sit pissing (but that’s the subject for another post).

Squissers would do well by taking a lesson from men, who have had the liftable seat thing wired for years.

**NOTE: Any mention of the one-time, unfortunate incident in Helen, Georgia will not be tolerated.


  1. Are you actually suggesting we “squiss” standing up? Oy! Yeah, and I’ll bring three changes of clothes to work with me each day for all the times I have to “squiss” and miss.

    I simply cannot go into detail WHY that would not work out, except should that practice be legally put into effect, bathroom walls nationwide would appear somewhat jaundiced.

    Comment by Name Withheld To Protect The Innocent — April 6, 2007 @ 6:48 pm

  2. NWTPTI,

    No, no, no, no. Squissers can squat away, just raise the seat first. Sheesh.


    Comment by Jim — April 6, 2007 @ 7:18 pm

  3. M-kay. I’m going to admit something here and it might actually be useful to the ladies who find themselves in a Squissing-required situation. My friend Stash (who just retired from the Army Nurse Corps) won the prize for Design Excellence in my book. I had a little “accident” and it required Squissing for a couple of weeks. Stash suggested I poke a hole in the bottom of a paper cup and stand over the toilet.

    Was that TMI?

    Comment by Pixie — April 6, 2007 @ 7:27 pm

  4. That wasn’t TMI, but this might be.

    Comment by Ken Adams — April 6, 2007 @ 8:22 pm

  5. crikey… I think I hear Acid Man laughing his ass off!

    Comment by Jean — April 6, 2007 @ 8:54 pm

  6. Well, exsquisssssssss me, Jimbo. So I read it incorrectly – kill me. And yeah, just like you said, my toooshee ain’t going nowheres near the up-lidded porcelain piss portal.

    And with that I say, Good Day!

    Comment by Name Withheld To Protect The Innocent — April 6, 2007 @ 9:44 pm

  7. For the squissers in the crowd, might I suggest that you never visit Japan…..male urinals on the floor are your toilets!

    Comment by LeeAnn — April 7, 2007 @ 12:36 am

  8. Actually, the floor toliets in Japan (you squat over them to do your business) were not what got me. What got me one night was the heated toilet seat on the “general” toilet in a ryokan one night. In the US, a heated seat means either someone with a fever just got off or… I was off that seat in a heartbeat. Living in the wilds of NW Indiana now, I am seriously considering trying to find one of those seats/toilets and installing it as it much prefered over the refrigerated seat one oft finds on a winter morn.


    Comment by Laughing Wolf — April 7, 2007 @ 8:35 am

  9. I always piss in the sink…


    Comment by Yabu — April 7, 2007 @ 11:11 am

  10. If you feminine squissers spent as much time learning how to use a toilet as bitching how we males use one …..the problem would be solved.

    The comment about the hole in the floor in Japan is quite true for much of the Orient or Middle East. In China the toilet facilities on trains consisted of a slot down the middle of the floor in a Railroad car with a hand rail to hold onto while you relieved yourself onto the railroad tracks…..Oh! by the way these were unisex facilities & provided for some awkward moments for those of the fair sex equipped with girdles or garter belts & hose. Kinda livened up the event though for we male voyeurs.

    Comment by dudley1 — April 7, 2007 @ 1:48 pm

  11. …. you aint right, man….. trust us all, you aint…

    …. and besides, I saw me a woman Marine piss standing up while on patrol…… so ther should be now “squatting” bandied about here….

    …. hell, we’re all mammals……. just use a little force adjustment, and we’re all cool….

    Comment by Eric — April 7, 2007 @ 11:29 pm

  12. I say just sit the hell down or take some TP and wipe the damn seat if you’re that damn worried about it. Better yet, wear a damn Depends when you’re out shopping with Buffy, Muffy, and Twinkie, and just keep your piss to yourself. ALL to yourself.

    Comment by Chickie — April 8, 2007 @ 9:46 am

  13. I played golf with a girl one time who could pee standing up. Wildest thing I had ever seen. She could piss up a tree with the best of us.

    Comment by Dash — April 8, 2007 @ 8:01 pm



    Comment by Harvey — April 8, 2007 @ 11:21 pm

  15. The following comment was left by “jenni”, but I accidentally deleted it, for which I apologize. The comment was as follows:
    as a squat pisser, i will tell you that i find myself getting more pee on the seat when i sit, than i do squatting. rarely do i even get pee on the seat when i squat. i always make sure i get it in the hole. i get more pee on the seat when i sit on my toilet at home.

    you know that regardless of how people “go”, they get it on the seat sometimes. do you always put paper down? that’s such a hassle. if you don’t even do that, you are the one asking for trouble.

    squatting, for me, makes going in public bathrooms faster, easier and cleaner. i’m comfortable when i do it, i can keep it from getting on the seat, and i use less toilet paper by not having to put it on the seat.

    i find my self peeing faster than my boyfriend when we go out.

    I tried to let “jenni” know what I did, but the e-mail address she provided did not work.

    Comment by Jim — April 16, 2007 @ 7:52 pm

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