May 8, 2007

Why Do We Live Here?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:00 pm

Those of us who live in Jersey often ask ourselves this question.

After all, we have:

Temperatures that range from tropical to Arctic,

Constant traffic jams, unless you wish to travel between 3 and 4 in the morning,

State budgets that increase by leaps and bounds, even while the current tax base (i.e. the so-called “rich”) and the future tax base (young, upwardly mobile families) are fleeing the state as if it were 1939 Germany,

A state government that is every bit as corrupt as some third-rate banana republics,

Governors who are laughed at across the nation,

A state government that is downright hostile to business development,

Crippling income, sales, and property taxes, and

Sheeple who insist on perpetuating the mess by electing the same lemons every year.

And now, just when you thought that living here couldn’t be any more daunting, we have a terrorist cell whose members are prepared to die in Fort Dix while in the process of killing as many American soldiers as possible.

But wait, Jimbo. We have 126 miles of beautiful beaches, which is a good thing, no?

Ooops! Never mind. It seems that at least one of our best beaches is closed because, so far, a thousand pounds of unexploded tank and anti-aircraft shells have been found in the sand. Make those sand castles at your own risk, peeps.

The answer: We live here because, by nature, we are idiots thrill seekers.

‘Scuse me; I need a refill.


  1. This state is causing me to develop a twitch. I seriously thinking of moving to the South.

    And the terrorists…the town next to mine. Yay!

    Comment by RT — May 8, 2007 @ 9:12 pm

  2. Damn, I was tempted to wager a few shekels with Teresa that your next post would be entitled “Jihad – Jersey Style.” Doooshbags.

    Comment by Erica — May 8, 2007 @ 9:33 pm

  3. I was born here. That’s why I’m here.

    Comment by PastaKeith — May 8, 2007 @ 10:11 pm

  4. I have a thousand pounds of unexploded ordnance jim, I’ll bring it to the next blogmeet and we can send it downrange a little at a time 🙂

    Comment by Hammer — May 9, 2007 @ 12:33 am

  5. Jimbo…..

    New Jersey, as is most of the Eastern States afflicted with Liberalitus a progressive disease, incurable but treatable with application of massive doses of money.

    The progress of the Disease is characterized by….. voter apathy,regressive taxation, welfare projects , fraud, Dimocratic allegiance & a tendency for the diseased to cluster together in flocks.

    Wish I could offer you some hope, but here in the Keystone State the disease has assumed epidemic proportions, with the liberalitus poster child Governor’Fast Eddie” Rendell proposing more taxes across a wider spectrum of application.

    Comment by dudley1 — May 9, 2007 @ 8:41 am

  6. Hey, at least they caught the bastards.

    And, come on, can you think of anyplace else that’s as “exciting” as Jersey? We’ve got something new to complain about every day. If I lived in a state where everything was perfect, I’d be bored out of my mind.

    Comment by marydell — May 9, 2007 @ 9:03 am

  7. I live in Jersey ’cause I was born in Jersey and haven’t yet been able to convince the wife that it’s time to move away.

    Comment by Thomas Pfau — May 9, 2007 @ 10:24 am

  8. Sounds a lot like Kaleefornya.
    Vote Arnold!

    Comment by TheGovenator — May 9, 2007 @ 11:22 am

  9. Thrill seekers huh. And then you go to Florida to play golf with the alligators, huh, and tell me you are afraid of a chain saw, huh? And all this time I tought you lived in New Joisey to be close to your job with the Mafia..

    Comment by GUYK — May 9, 2007 @ 1:05 pm

  10. LOL – yeah Erica was ready to bet on post titles for this one.

    As for why you live there… like most people, we live the place we’ve planted ourselves because it is A LOT of trouble to move elsewhere. Better the devil you know… and all that.

    I have to believe that. Honestly, there’s no reason to live in many parts of this country – each place has its drawbacks. Some bigger than others. But once you have the routine in place – it’s easier to put up with each inconvenience than to look elsewhere.

    Comment by Teresa — May 9, 2007 @ 2:26 pm

  11. I’ve left here twice and came back. Aside from that obivous character flaw, I really feel comfortable here. I was born twenty minutes from where I live now, been in this grim old pile of a house for thirty years almost. The area has changed alot, mostly not for the better, but I have a pretty nice little place in the world here and will probably ride it out till the end. Tried the West Coast, tried the far South, I just didn’t fit in. Joisey born and bred goes deep, I guess.
    I once read a quote that “Every man loves his native state, whether he was born there or not”. I guess I’m lucky to like where I was born.

    Comment by gregor — May 9, 2007 @ 6:11 pm

  12. Well I for one am proud of being from The Attitude Capital of the World. Doesn’t mean I’ll always stay here, but I’ll always be FROM here. Plus, it’s the home of PRS!

    Comment by Shamrock — May 9, 2007 @ 7:58 pm

  13. Only in New Jersey can “collecting shells on the beach” be turned into an death-defying extreme sport.

    You are right, Jimbo. I’ve lived in Manhattan, Missouri, Los Angeles, Long Island, and Illinois; this is my second stint in New Jersey. Why did I return? Only here do I feel truly alive; my heart races daily with a type of fear/impotent rage/excitement/agita that I couldn’t find anywhere else in America. I’m addicted, for better or worse, and like an alcoholic who refuses to let go of the bottle, I am intent on going down with the ship.

    Nevertheless – I think I’ll skip work tomorrow; head down to my old stomping grounds around the 15th Street beach entrance in Surf City, and see what “turns up”…

    Comment by Jersey — May 9, 2007 @ 9:06 pm

  14. Well, my thrill seeking friend, I will be going to a local park here tomorrow or Saturday, to see how dry it is (we’re in a bad drought). Its our water cachment for the city of WPB. there are always gators there. I’m taking my camera specifically to take pix for you if there are. The boys (who know of your fear of gators and mention you every time we see one) have asked to come with me so they can point out the best one for a picture for you. 😉

    Comment by bou — May 10, 2007 @ 3:46 pm

  15. Sounds an awful lot like South Florida to me. After all, since a lot of Jersey-ites move to these parts, why not…..all we do here is add some actual island type politics and it’s like…well….like New Jersey.

    Comment by suze — May 10, 2007 @ 8:31 pm

  16. We visited your fair state last weekend. (Seaside Heights, oh my)

    The bars are cool. The pizza was good. I really dig the neon on the boardwalk although the kids scare me.

    But exactly what is up with the trash cans in traffic lanes? TWICE on the Parkway we had to dodge garbage cans. Most odd.

    Then there’s the whole two right turns to make a left business. (Or is that two lefts to make a right, I’m still confused)

    Comment by Amy — May 11, 2007 @ 11:49 am

  17. […] Partly inspired by Jim’s Why Do We Live Here? […]

    Pingback by When the Smoke Clears » Blog Archive » Two Stores — May 11, 2007 @ 12:41 pm

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