June 16, 2007

Montana Deep Cover Agents.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:55 pm

Dave from A Different Lemming, a member of the Montana Cabal, sent a couple of his “agents” to Jersey where they took photos of my house, my car and even some pictures that hang on the walls of the House by the Parkway. Invaded my privacy, they did.

I should have known something was up when I saw two guys in front of my house, who obviously were not from here. Both sported greasy mullets. One guy wore a ratty looking tee shirt on which appeared the words, “Larry’s Beef Jerky Emporium, Billings, MT” and the other wore no shirt at all, but he had a large horse’s ass tattooed on his back. They both were barefooted as they sat on the curb in front of the house picking their toes and spitting “backy” juice in the street.

They spoke very loudly so I easily overheard their conversation

:Jed: Hey Zeke, how’s she goin’?

Zeke: She’s goin’ real good, Jed. How’s she goin’?

Jed She’s goin’ real good, Zeke.

Zeke: Goin’ real good, is she?

Jed: Yep, Zeke, real good.

Zeke: It’s good when she’s goin’ real good, ain’t it Jed?

Jed: Yep, Zeke, it sure is.

Zeke: Got any beer?

Jed: Nope.

Zeke: Damn, just when she was goin’ real good too.

Jed: I know. She was goin’ real good, wasn’t she, Zeke? That’s a bitch.

Zeke: Wanna see if we can find us some horseshit to step in?

Jed: Great idea, Zeke.

As they got up and began to walk down the street in what certainly would be a futile quest for horseshit, I could still hear them talking

.Jed: Think anyone around here will know we’re from Montana?

Zeke: Nah, they only speak Eye-talian in these parts.

Jed: Oh, I forgot. How’s she goin’, Zeke?

Zeke: She’s goin’ real good, Jed. How’s she goin’?

I think the CIA could use these guys.


  1. Jim… Buddy… You gotta lay off the prune vodka. Really.

    Comment by DMerriman — June 16, 2007 @ 10:01 pm

  2. My word! Well, you do live modestly, and that is very admirable. For a corporate fat cat and all. But I was under the impression that New Jersey was the largest purveyor of mass-produced horseshit on the whole of the East Coast. Am I incorrect in my assessment?

    Comment by Erica — June 16, 2007 @ 10:53 pm

  3. Here’s how you can tell this is bullshit.

    This snippet of conversation would never happen in Montana:

    Zeke: Got any beer?

    Jed: Nope.

    Jed’s answers would come from the following selections:
    1.) “Yup.”
    2.) “Shore.”
    3.) “Shore ’nuff.”
    4.) “What’choo mean by that? You sayin’ I don’t stock my fridge proper, why I oughta bust your chops just fer thankin’ lak’ ‘at.”

    Comment by Craig — June 17, 2007 @ 1:02 am

  4. This is pseudo-hollywood-scripted paranoid BS, seriously.
    Because…it’s simple: There was no mention of high-powered firearms directed at: cats dogs magpies crows skunks neighbors ex-girlfriends ex-wifes…

    Now, to take this sillyness further;

    Zeke: Got any beer?
    Jed: Beer? 4 cases, and I got’s 3 fif’s of whisky, 2-weeks worth of ammo, and a case of dynamite.
    Zeke: Wait, noone said anything about fishing…
    Jed: Simmer down boy, the dynamite is strictly for safety, a last minute catch and release policy. No need to panic.
    Zeke: Yeah, but we’re not fishing, and this is Joisey, home of the urban rat-bastid, not browns or muskies.
    Jed: Yep, tis true, but nonetheless, or all-the-more, we’s here to release 50 or so of the majestic Joisey swamp gators, and I’ll be damned if the basterts get out of line while we free them in the nation’s meadowlands, Gators rule!
    Zeke: bitchin’, Jed. lets go. Let’s get’r done.

    Comment by MT spook — June 17, 2007 @ 2:34 am

  5. … “backy” juice?….. now that is funny….

    Comment by Eric — June 17, 2007 @ 6:47 am

  6. Jimbo……

    I think these two guys came through Erie Pa on the way to Jersey….One went to Big Bhudda`s Tattoo Parlor & got the Horses Ass Tattoo for identification purposes. “this is an actual local establishment” in case he was rubbed out in Jersey. The second went to a local dairy farm cause he was lonesome for some feminine company, while there he tripped over a splint basket full of milk bottles….thought he had found a cows nest.

    Comment by dudley1 — June 17, 2007 @ 10:58 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

Powered by WordPress