July 30, 2007

Brain Farts.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:01 pm

1. Why would anyone who lives in New Jersey (particularly in Northern New Jersey) ever set foot into a Pizza Hut? Same goes for Domino’s Pizza. In Jersey, you can always find a pizzeria named Tony’s or Angelo’s where Tony or Angelo actually makes the pizza. The stuff Pizza Hut and Domino’s makes is McPizza. It may be edible, but it sure as shit ain’t real pizza.

2. Back in the day, one could go into a music store and ask to see a Fender Stratocaster, and the only choices you had to make were from among a few different colors. Not so any more. Oy!

3. Did you ever watch Iron Chef? It started out with the original Japanese version, which was beyond bizarre, what with three Japanese chefs slicing and dicing all sorts of things that are allegedly edible (once I saw a dark blue chicken — no shit), with English overdubbing. Apparently it was a success, because now there is Iron Chef America. The Asian (sort of) guy who does the handsprings and reveals what the secret thing is that the Iron Chef and the Challenger have to use as their main ingredient is seriously weird. “TONIGHT, our master chefs will employ their vast culinary abilities to prepare succulent dishes with our main ingredient (….. drum roll …. cue the fog machine … the hood lifts ….. ) GOAT!!! WTF??

4. Why would anyone with an IQ above room temperature give a shit (even a microscopic shit) about Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears or Paris Hilton? Don’t answer. It might make me puke.

5. Memo to the Maroon who drove in the left lane of a three lane highway this morning at 35 miles per hour while she talked into her cell phone, oblivious to the deadly chaos she was causing behind her: Sometimes I think it is may be a good thing that New Jersey makes a carry permit impossible to get.

6. I am having a very difficult time getting used to “tabbed browsing,” and I haven’t decided whether I like it. So far, no.

7. Blazing Saddles is the funniest movie ever made. If you disagree, keep it to yourself, because your shit is definitely not together.

8. In the most recent issue of Time *spit* Magazine, Joe *spit* Klein described Hillary as being, “…solid as granite and righteous as a bran muffin.” If that doesn’t set off your gag reflex, I don’t know what will.

9. Gentleman Jack is some damned fine whiskey — neat or on-the-rocks (with clear ice, of course).

10. I like Dick Cheney … a lot. So there!

Update: Thanks to the Wiseass Jooette for catching an incorrect link and a typo. I think that RT’s comment concerning my proper use of the plural form of “pizza” (“pizze” is what I think she meant) was also the result of a typo rather than my facility with Italian. Both typos and the misdirected link had a bit to do with Number 9 … Number 9 … Number 9.


  1. 1. I’m impressed by the proper use of the plural spelling/form of the word Pizza.

    3. I watched the orignal version one night and they were cooking eel. That was not fun to watch, because they started the show swimming. Yuk.

    5. Were the tags from NY?

    8. Ummm…if she is to be compared to a bran muffin doesn’t that mean she causes the…..?

    Comment by RT — July 30, 2007 @ 9:43 pm

  2. I was stuck on teh same thing as RT. That whole bran muffin thing. I’ve been called a lot of things, but I’m thinking if someone called me righteous as a bran muffin, I’d not be excited. That whole thing… granite, bran muffin… odd.

    Comment by Bou — July 30, 2007 @ 10:03 pm

  3. 4. Who are these people of which you speak?

    6. When using tabs in the browser you know you can easily switch between them (using the left hand) by holding down the Ctrl key and hitting the Tab key… just as you can switch between open windows (like multiple browser windows) by holding down the Alt key and hitting the tab key. Can you tell I hate using the mouse. But I’m not much on tabs either, I prefer multiple windows… when I get stuck with tabs, that’s how I move between them.

    7. I love that movie.

    8. I need a glass of something to wash that picture out of my head.

    10. Agreed.


    Comment by Teresa — July 30, 2007 @ 10:07 pm

  4. Have about three fingers of that Jack, and the rest should roll right off.

    Comment by Dick — July 30, 2007 @ 10:30 pm

  5. Mmm…pizza. My parlor is Vincenzo’s.

    Comment by marydell — July 30, 2007 @ 11:00 pm

  6. No arguments here. I stopped going to pizza slut and Damn-in-hoes when some New York Transplants opened a pizza joint down the street.

    Dick Cheney is smart. I like that

    The sight of Hillary makes me shit just like a bran muffin does.

    “You use your tongue prettier than a 20 dollar whore Mr Lamar!”

    Iron chef America: who is that annoying lady critic who hates everything she’s served but looks like she’s never missed one of her six squares a day?

    Lindsay who?

    Comment by Hammer — July 30, 2007 @ 11:01 pm

  7. Yes to #7.

    I love the original Iron Chef. The American version? Not so much.

    Comment by caltechgirl — July 30, 2007 @ 11:25 pm

  8. For years I refused to eat pizza in Texas…because mostly all there was was crap like Pizza Hut. Fortunately, things got better over the years. Now we even have decent pizza right here in our Atlanta neighborhood. NY guys, of course.

    Anyone who would eat a Fast-Food Pizza in NY/NJ has gotta have Strunz-for-Brains.

    Comment by Elisson — July 30, 2007 @ 11:27 pm

  9. YEAH, but…Young Frankenstein is damn funny too! Damn funny!

    Comment by Lee — July 31, 2007 @ 1:03 am

  10. Jimbo,
    1) Many pizza choices here in Indiana. All of them bad.
    2) The better to tempt you with.
    3) Don’t have cable.
    4) Add Nicole Richie to that dung heap.
    5) Just shut up and drive.
    6) Don’t like the tabs much either.
    7) Genius.
    8) Is that an insult or a compliment?
    9) Have you supped Knob Creek?
    10) He cracks me up….because he doesn’t NEED the job and doesn’t pander to the crowd.

    Comment by Jerry — July 31, 2007 @ 3:44 am

  11. Jimbo,

    Loved Blazing Saddles and think Young Frankenstein is right up there. As for Iron Chef, I loved the Japanese original and even managed to eat at Chen’s restaurant when I was in Japan (couldn’t get into Sakai’s, alas). The new version is okay, but that is about all I will give it (Not a Flay fan). Morimoto and Kat are the best on it, IMO. As for goat, done right it is quite good (BBQ goat can be excellent!).

    Jerry has it right with his number one. Still looking for a good place here, otherwise have to go up to Chicago for good pizza.

    Comment by Laughing Wolf — July 31, 2007 @ 6:52 am

  12. Jimbo……

    1. When I was a teenager”long long ago” our pizza shop was “Geno`s” He was a retired City cop & really knew how to make Pizza. By the way , If you ever get to Chicago…Go to Geno`s on Rush Street for Chicago Pan pizza & a pitcher of Beer. A differant Geno`s but Mmmm Ummm Good.
    2. Les Paul custom
    3.Iron chef ???????
    4.I agree
    5.Cell phones & anybody driving….wish I was a cop,I would set a ticket record even a small town sheriff in Alabama next to an interstate would be proud of.
    6. haven`t gone there yet
    7.Very funny movie …. In-convenient Truth is a hoot also
    8. Gag! Gag! Gag!
    9. Makers Mark on the rocks
    10.Cheney is one of the finest Vice Presidents his country has ever had. The democrats can go crap in their hats for all I care with their whining & bloviating.

    Comment by dudley1 — July 31, 2007 @ 7:31 am

  13. It might actually be Pizzi. “E” and “I” are both used, but now I’m can’t remember with which vowels and such. Pretty sure “E” is right, but it doesn’t matter. Pizza is pizza as long as it doesn’t come from Pizza Hut, Papa John’s, and Dominoes.

    Comment by RT — July 31, 2007 @ 8:35 am

  14. RT,

    I’m thinking that “pizza” is feminine, in which case I believe that “pizze” might be right. Of course, a fluent speaker of Italian reading this might be laughing his/her Culo off.


    Comment by Jim — July 31, 2007 @ 8:44 am

  15. Sheesh, Hairboy. You might give peeps the idea that I’m actually nice to you from time to time. Whatsamattawityou? Cut that shit out. And get thy ample ass to Blockbuster to rent “The Producers,” ASAP.

    Oh, and Delmar’s Pizza on Sheepshead Bay Road — best in the world. Nice to know you could get a good slice of New York pizza in Jersey.

    I was beginning to wonder if youse had anything to contribute to the fabric of our great nation besides Radioactive Zombies and Blairsden.

    Comment by Wiseass Jooette — July 31, 2007 @ 10:10 am

  16. Oh, and Kelly found a couple of good pizza joints here in DFW.
    Needles to say, she was surprised.

    Comment by Dick — July 31, 2007 @ 12:53 pm

  17. Wiseass Jooette,

    I agree with you totally on The Producers. I was laughing so hard at that one I fell off the couch. Love that movie. The others they mentioned are OK but The Producers top them both.

    Anybody in Kew Gardens know of a good pizza joint? As of now Papa John’s is the best around here – and that is sad. I have tried the others and they are bad. Even one here where the menu is topped with Pizza or Falafel. Something sinister about that one. The pizza crust resembles crumbly biscuits.

    Comment by dick — July 31, 2007 @ 2:33 pm

  18. When that whole Paris Hilton thing was going down, Alan and I would entertain ourselves by pretending it was real news.

    If he’s been on the internet before me, I always ask, “So what’s the big news in the world today?” And he gives me an update of what’s happening. But we would crack ourselves up when the only thing to report was whether or not Paris was going to jail, in jail, out of jail, and what she wore to jail.

    One day his kids were with us when we were carrying on with our silliness about “OMG did you hear the latest about Paris?” Both of them said, “Who??” They’d never heard of her. I guess we’re raising them right!

    Comment by DogsDontPurr — July 31, 2007 @ 5:47 pm

  19. “Why would anyone who lives in New Jersey (particularly in Northern New Jersey) ever set foot into a Pizza Hut?”

    The real question is, “Why would anyone want to live in New Jersey?” All them bears and wild deers and gangsters, and crooked politicians and stuff like that. Alligators are tame compared to the bite those New jersey politicians put on you..just sayin’

    Comment by GUYK — July 31, 2007 @ 6:29 pm

  20. 9. Yeah baby! Better than regular Jack, but a tad more pricey as well – but well worth it.

    Comment by Ralphd00d — July 31, 2007 @ 7:40 pm

  21. ‘Scuse me for bustin’ in here again. Just wanna shake Guyk’s hand is all, for asking such a trenchent, thoughtful question, one which I’ve often found myself wondering as well.

    Aight, I’m outta here (please don’t hit me).

    Comment by Smartass Jooette — July 31, 2007 @ 8:09 pm

  22. I remember as a kid, a pizza joint in Dearborn, Michigan, owned by a guy named Sylvester Tagliamonte. The place was called “Monte’s” and he had the best pie with fresh ingredients, not like that carboard and ketchup crapola that Domino’s serves up. Now I ain’t knocking Tom Monaghan the founder of Domino’s back in the late 60’s but their product has in IMHO has gone down the tubes!

    Comment by johndeerebilly — July 31, 2007 @ 9:48 pm

  23. The drunk ass horse was very funny. I would rather give my money to a Mom and Pop store anytime. It is usually a lot better food, Cat

    Comment by Catfish — August 1, 2007 @ 12:16 am

  24. “Hey, where all de white wimmen at??”

    Re: #8 – How Joe Klein can write that after having torn the Clintons multiple orifices in ‘Primary Colors’ shows you just how effed up your capacity for logic and reason has to be in order to be a liberal.

    Comment by El Capitan — August 2, 2007 @ 5:00 pm

  25. Speaking of pizza… have you gone to Capri on the Boulevard yet? Go. And soon.

    Comment by wRitErsbLock — August 6, 2007 @ 9:37 pm

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