August 2, 2007


Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:52 pm

Turns out, I now have internet service. WTF?

First, I would like to thank the Wiseass Jooette for posting the PSA. She may be from Brooklyn (the Godforsaken Place), but she’s good peeps for helping out a fellow Blown-Eye.

DISCLAIMER: Anything in the previous paragraph to the contrary notwithstanding, the author reserves any and all rights in future posts to assert that Brooklyn is a shithole and that the Jooette is indeed a Wiseass. Further, nothing contained in the previous paragraph shall operate, by way of estoppel or otherwise, to prevent or limit in any way the author from making such future statements.

Here’s the deal.

As of this morning, I had zero internet connection. Of course, I freaked. Instant sweats, big time. I’ve been there before when it took TEN DAYS for Comcast to send someone over to swap out a dead modem. That wait was followed by a nastygram to the President of Comcast, which, in turn, resulted in some free internet service.

Still, this time I didn’t want free internet service; I just wanted INTERNET SERVICE, dammit.

I checked Mr. Modem. It was blinking away just as it should. I decided to use the handy on/off switch to turn it off and then on again.

No lights, some lights, (the modem is getting its shit together), then all the lights. It was blinking just right.

Problem – still no internet connection.

More sweat.

Check connections. Lots of spaghetti back there, but the wires were cool.

Move modem to check the back connections.


Call Comcast, NOW, because Mr. Modem is as dead as Jacob Marley.

Comcast answers with a recording

I press “1” for English (I fume).

I press “”2” for “Internet Service” as opposed to Cable TV.

Recorded voice tells me that I have to be looking at the computer (I was), then it tells me to say shit into the phone.

Recorded voice: “Do you see a red thing anywhere on your screen saying ‘re-install Comcast software?”

Me: “NO.”

Recorded Voice: “Did you say no?”

Me: “YES, I said “NO.” (I’m thinking this YES-NO business is an Alice in Wonderland experience)

Recorded Voice: “Are you doing a new installation?”

Me: “NO.” (I could have sworn Ms. Recordovoice had already asked me this)

Recorded Voice: “Have you unplugged and re-plugged your modem?”

Me: “Wait!”

Recorded Voice: (apparently waiting)

I freaked and hung up the phone. Realizing that I had used the on/off switch and had not actually unplugged the thing, I looked again at the dead unit and thought, “Plug? What plug?” At that point, I saw that the little round AC/DC thing in the back of the modem had become unplugged while I was checking out the back of the modem.

“Ah ha!” I thought. I plugged it in, and the lights on the modem did their predictable thing.

Yes! The lights were blinking just fine (although the plug in the back of the modem is EXTREMELY touchy. If you touch it just a LEETLE, the modem goes off. Still, the lights were on, and they were blinking just right. I figured I was good to go.


Still no internet connection.

Knowing that getting internet connection, albeit critical, is not as important as making a living, I bailed on the problem. I spent the rest of the day wallowing in self-pity, knowing that I would have to deal with Comcast after work.

From work, I got in touch with the aforementioned Wiseass Jooette and requested her assistance in letting the “sphere (at least, my miniscule corner of same) know that I had been again COMCASTRATED. She graciously agreed, and even did so without saying anything bad about New Jersey. I gather she sensed my deepening depression.

I came home fully ready (as ready as one can ever be) to call Comcast. I was prepared for another long internetless spell.

Mr. Modem was still blinking favorably, so, for the hell of it, I fired up the Raptor and pushed the “internet” button.

And, here I am.

Thank you, Comcast, for scaring the dogshit out of me.

P.S. I stuck the modem with the mondo fickle connection out of harm’s way, and if I happen to eat beans I will be sure to turn away from the modem.


  1. What the f***ing f**k?!?! A disclaimer in legalese?? For that, your rotting putrid wrinkly senior citizen punkass is mine. I hope you knock over a bottle of ink, or, better yet, projectile barf on the next contract you toil over for hours at your stoopid job that makes you TTTB.

    Screeeeeeeeeeeew you!

    Re: “…and even did so without saying anything bad about New Jersey….”

    Dude, I figure I’m in the minority here, and a large crop of your readership hails from the Stankass Capital of the Western World, and have a readied supply of cocked and loaded heat-seeking Jersey tomato missiles, all pointed in my general direction. Last thing I need. I smell you all the way over here. I don’t need to be wearing your sewage-laced vegetation as well.

    That, plus…I’m a lady, and I’d never hit a [seriously old as farookin’ doit] man when he’s down. You know where you can stick your legal disclaimers.


    Well, all in all, I suppose you’re good peeps, too.

    Comment by Wiseass Jooette — August 3, 2007 @ 12:22 am

  2. Jim-Bo,
    The Wiseass Jooette is just being mean. I like New Jersey. But then again, I can’t smell.

    Comment by Jerry — August 3, 2007 @ 2:54 am

  3. Jerry,

    Well then, you’d love Brooklyn.


    Comment by Jim — August 3, 2007 @ 7:36 am

  4. The easiest thing for me to tell you (although there are other easier ways if you know your way around a computer)… when in doubt – reboot everything.

    First unplug to the modem and power down your pc. Then replug the modem and let all the blinky lights come back on. Then boot your pc. If the problem was merely a switch of IP addresses (which happens from time to time with cable) then you will be able to get things right back to normal because now your pc has the new IP address. That sounds like what your problem was.

    Personally I use ipconfig and ping to figure out my connections – then again I’m a geek. heh.

    Now about all that lawyerese…. sheesh. Makes me wonder what that Rushmore pic will look like now. *grin*

    Comment by Teresa — August 3, 2007 @ 7:48 am

  5. I heard that, Jim-Bo. Like it’s my fault that the Eau di Goethals doesn’t stay where it belongs.

    Comment by Wiseass Jooette — August 3, 2007 @ 8:09 am

  6. Comcast sucks a big one.

    Comment by Catfish — August 3, 2007 @ 8:28 am

  7. Give that Wiseass Jooette credit – she was able to marshal some resources that got me out of a jam last week when my site was lookin’ all wonky ‘n’ farook’t.

    And I’m glad to see you’re up and running. A day without Hair-Boy is…a day without Hair-Boy. Heh.

    Comment by Elisson — August 3, 2007 @ 8:35 am

  8. Dude, protocal for protecting delicate electronics after uploading beans is to face the faithless little bugger.

    Comment by Sluggo — August 3, 2007 @ 10:03 am

  9. For someone that’s so technologically incontinent, I’d think you’d be a little more careful about provoking the Jooette. No telling what you’ll find next time you go out of town…

    Comment by DMerriman — August 3, 2007 @ 11:02 am

  10. And you just know when you call Comcast and get a real person (finally), all they’re really doing on their end is sending a guy out to “jiggle the cords” at the street/outdoor level.

    Comment by dogette — August 3, 2007 @ 6:49 pm

  11. ya need to go wireless, then ya might be able to borrow someone else’s connection when yours takes a nap//

    Comment by james old guy — August 3, 2007 @ 7:46 pm

  12. I love it when you talk legal to me…

    Comment by Libby — August 4, 2007 @ 11:54 am

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