August 22, 2007

A PSA of Sorts.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:17 pm

I had a couple things I wanted to write about, neither of which would have won a Pulitzer Prize, but they wouldn’t have stunk, at least I think so. But, the truth is that I have been stoically dealing with an invasion of super microbial invaders into my digestive tract. It is nowhere as nasty or as colorful as V-Man’s encounter with the same or similar organisms. Still, it has been annoying enough. I thought I would share:

Colon: Yo, Jimbo. This is your colon speaking. I think you should listen up.

Me: Colon? Jesus, I have a talking colon?

Colon: Yeah, Asshole. I don’t talk often, but when I do, you’ll damned well know it, and you damned well better pay attention.

Me: OK, I have noticed. Now you have my attention. What’s up?

Colon: Yo, remember the other night when I was doing the Pony in your gut (Boogedy, boogedy, boogedy shoop), which sent your sorry ass to bed at 8:30 at night? EIGHT GODDAMNED THIRTY!

Me: Oh, do I ever. I slept for 11 goddamned hours, except for the bathroom breaks. It was pretty awful, turning over and over trying to deal with your antics.

Colon: I’m glad you remember, because I think you’re being a little cocky right about now.

Me: Waddya mean? I’m feeling pretty good now. Almost feisty.

Colon: Don’t screw around with me. Remember those “twinges” I sent your way today?

Me: Yeah, I do, but I figured it was your way of saying good-bye.

Colon: Good-bye my ass. It was a reminder that I am still around and still capable of kicking ass and taking names.

Me: OK, so what’s the deal here?

Colon Just remember who is da boss around here, and maybe you should consider stepping away from the Gottdamned computer until I say it’s OK. Any questions?

Me: Is there anything I can do to convince you to give me a break? You need a will? An Advanced Health Directive? A contract? What?

Colon: Don’t give me any of that lawyer shit. Colons don’t need lawyers. Just do what I say.

Sorry, folks. Looks like I’ll be stepping away from the computer this evening.


  1. So that’s what that smell coming from Jersey is. I was wondering is all.

    Comment by Erica — August 22, 2007 @ 8:29 pm

  2. No, I believe that smell would be the assholes in Coney Island deluding themselves into believing that they are really at the beach.


    Comment by Jim — August 22, 2007 @ 9:07 pm

  3. Ohhhhh, ayyyy…is that your best Badda-Bing? I’m cryin’, here. Expect a Coney Island Whitefish in the mail as payback for your wannabe fresh mouf.

    [Seriously, feel better, Toidyboy]

    Comment by Erica — August 22, 2007 @ 9:12 pm

  4. Take thee some pepto and hit the sack… we need you well and up to blogging speed. *grin*

    Comment by Teresa — August 22, 2007 @ 9:16 pm

  5. Got to obey the colon.

    Take care of yourself 🙂

    Comment by Hammer — August 22, 2007 @ 9:30 pm

  6. Don’t fight it, Jim. Take care.

    Comment by Jean — August 22, 2007 @ 9:46 pm

  7. Is this some new form of computer virus? First V~man, now you?! Oy. I think I need to go wash my hands!

    Comment by DogsDontPurr — August 22, 2007 @ 11:00 pm

  8. Jimbo,
    Just remember, there’s always an asshole in charge.

    Comment by Jerry — August 22, 2007 @ 11:33 pm

  9. LOL Jerry, you took my joke.

    Comment by Nancy — August 22, 2007 @ 11:47 pm

  10. Get well. 🙂

    Comment by RT — August 23, 2007 @ 12:17 am

  11. … yowza, get well soon…. and yeah, what Jerry said….. there is a great truth there….

    Comment by Eric — August 23, 2007 @ 7:51 am

  12. There is so much here…talking asses…lawyers, the joke is so easy I will leave it to others.

    Hope you get to feeling better.

    Comment by hoosierboy — August 23, 2007 @ 8:17 am

  13. Heh heh…he said “cocky.”

    Comment by Elisson — August 23, 2007 @ 8:57 am

  14. Feel better soon, Jimbo!

    Comment by zonker — August 23, 2007 @ 7:32 pm

  15. Jim, you listen to that colon of yours. you pay it respect whan it needs it !!! You know what I;m talking about !!!! See you this afternnon for drinks – food & swimming !!! Pool water right now 83 and heater is on MAX !!!!!!

    P.S. don’t forget the stuff for the Deck Mistress’s new drink – The Bellini Martini !!!!!

    Comment by The Body guard — August 25, 2007 @ 5:53 am

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