January 15, 2008

Pigs — A Modest Proposal.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:52 pm

No, I am not talking about livestock here, but rather the filthy swine who insist on throwing trash on the street.

During a recent walk, I turned one of my regular corners and saw that litter was strewn in the street ahead of me for at least a half a block. One didn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out how the litter got there. The trash itself told the story.

Obviously two people had picked up a ‘to go” order at McDonalds. (Two of just about everything were there, but the two large Pepsi cups were the clincher.) In addition to drinking a large soda, each pig also had a Big Mac and fries. Apparently they shared an order of McNuggets (I believe that’s what they’re called). Oh, I almost forgot. Between them, they used three ketchup packets on the fries and, of course, there were also napkins.

When these pigs finished these culinary delights, they simply pitched all the containers, wrappings, napkins, ketchup packets and the bag out of the car window. The wind took care of scattering their roadside deposit so as to cover half a block.

Yo, Jimbo. What oughta be done to assholes who do this?

Good question.

For sure, we can’t give ‘em the death penalty. Hell, nowadays in Jersey you can kill hundreds of people and be guaranteed as a matter of law not to get the juice.

How about fines?

Nah. They don’t work.

How about this? (I’m serious as a heart attack here.)

If convicted of tossing garbage on the street, there will be a mandatory jail sentence. Based on the amount of garbage tossed, the judge would have discretion to impose a jail term of from five to thirty days. But, the judge would also have discretion to suspend the sentence, if the defendant agrees that for each day of the jail sentence to spend a weekend picking up trash in the town, eight hours per day.

So, instead of five days in the slammer, the pig could spend five weekends cleaning up other pigs’ garbage from the street. Instead of thirty days in the slammer, the pig could spend thirty weekends cleaning up the streets. You don’t show up for street cleaning duty, the suspended sentence would be imposed.

Yo, Jimbo. How would the police know who threw the stuff from a car? Each person in the car could say the other guy threw the trash. Have you thought this through?

Another good question. Yes, I have considered this.

Under my rule, the driver, as the person responsible for what goes on in the car, would be legally culpable, and if it could be proven that someone other than the driver tossed the trash, then that person would get nailed as well. I figure that would go a long way toward having drivers keep their pals from tossing shit out the window.

Oh, and one more thing.

The pigs who opt for street cleaning rather than jail would have to clean the streets while wearing a reflective orange vest on which appear the words, “I’M A SLOB.”

I oughta be a judge.


  1. I find myself infuriated every day over the lack of respect some people have. I see at least two or three household garbage bags lining the entrances to highways and on side streets daily. When I was a kid the Ad Council had a commercial with the “crying Indian” which essentially laid a heavy guilt trip about littering. I recall it airing all the time. Where are those commercials now?

    It’s far too hypocritical for many to voice concerns over the condition of the planet if they’re not going to take the simple step of cleaning up after themselves. The planet may be getting warmer, but it doesn’t have to look like Hell, too.

    Comment by David — January 15, 2008 @ 9:41 pm

  2. Jimbo for President!

    Comment by Joan of Argghh! — January 15, 2008 @ 9:48 pm

  3. Those assclowns qualify for the death penalty in Texas.

    Comment by dick — January 15, 2008 @ 10:03 pm

  4. all of the misdemeanor convicts here in san antonio pick up trash on the roadways. It’s a damn good system.

    They should clean graffiti as well.

    Comment by hammer — January 15, 2008 @ 11:49 pm

  5. all of the misdemeanor convicts here in san antonio pick up trash on the roadways. It’s a damn good system.

    They do that here in my county as well. The problem is, that don’t do it often enough and the trash just accumulates. It’s filthy and disgusting and I’m tired of picking up someone else’s garbage from my front lawn on a daily basis.

    They don’t call my township (Upper Darby) “Upper Dirty” for nothing. I can’t wait to move!

    Comment by kate — January 16, 2008 @ 12:16 am

  6. Jail inmates can work on litter crews here also, a great system. They get outside to do some productive that benefits the community. Not often enough unfortunately.

    Comment by rita — January 16, 2008 @ 6:01 am

  7. We also have county jail inmates (many of whom have committed significant crimes) picking up litter from the highways. For them, it’s not so much punishment, but rather a day outside.

    I’m talking about having people who toss litter having to spend their weekends picking up litter. It would serve a specific deterrence funcition in that such peeps would think twice about littering again, and it would be a general deterrent to anyone who sees the sorry asses picking up garbage on the weekends with the words “I’m a Slob” written on their vests.


    Comment by Jim — January 16, 2008 @ 7:32 am

  8. ‘Judge Jim’. It has a delightful ring to it. Maybe a network TV show is in order?

    Comment by Sugar Britches — January 16, 2008 @ 8:45 am

  9. Funny you would write about this now. Just yesterday there were maybe 3 large fast-food softdrink containers strewn on the street in front of our house. Lids, straws, cups. A beer bottle tossed from someone’s car had landed in the mulch. Again. Freebie newspapers rotting in the middle of the road. Plastic bag stuck on someone’s chainlink. Neighbor who doesn’t put a lid on his trash can, because he is an ineffably stupid asshole, so the wind blows their crap all over the street and sometimes into our yard.

    Must be nice to live life utterly without conscience.

    Comment by dogette — January 16, 2008 @ 10:15 am

  10. It’s the tragedy of the commons all over again.

    Your idea regarding punishment is sensible and humane. me, I’d want to break their garbage-pitchin’ kneecaps with a baseball bat. “Let’s see you throw some trash onna street now, Stumpy!”

    Yo, Jimbo – you really oughta be a judge.

    Comment by Elisson — January 16, 2008 @ 11:27 am

  11. I live in the very blue pontifical state of Massachusetts – these people always know best – just ask them. They’re always happy to tell everyone how to live – yet I’ve never seen so much garbage. We live out in the middle of nowhere… people drive by and throw trash out of their cars. We have litter everywhere!!! We had less litter in the 8 million soul Chicagoland area than we have here.

    Jimbo for Judge! Stop the litter! Incarcerate the pigs!

    Comment by Teresa — January 16, 2008 @ 11:47 am

  12. I agree, you should be a judge. The house we used to live in (which we still own as a rental) is near a busy street. It’s nicely landscaped … and it sucks to see the way people toss their crap into the shrubs and flower beds. We do a daily walk past the place and bring a garbage bag with us. Just once, I’d like to catch someone in the act. There is a $500 fine in this state, and I’d get the license # for sure!

    Comment by Peggy U — January 16, 2008 @ 12:41 pm

  13. One night back in the summer, we had a small group of illegal immigrants watch their car burn in front of my home, while they causally drank coffee. Apparently, these idiots modify a vehicle in some manner so that fire will shoot out from under a car. Anyway, the “special effects” went awry and the car caught fire.

    We called the fire department (one of those volunteer/shared services departments) and waited 35 minutes for firefighters to come. Meanwhile, the car became a complete inferno with flames shooting higher than the utility lines; glass, tires and other parts of the car exploding. Scary. Then our trees caught fire while the police, who came quickly, watched the flames move closer to our house.

    Anyway, the fire was eventually put out before it reached our home, but extensive damage was done to irreplaceably old trees and other landscaping.

    After giving, what turned out to be fake identification, the illegals were allowed to go their merry way in a friend’s truck, from which they threw their coffee cups on our front lawn. The entire experience was beyond maddening. The tossing of the coffee cups was the ultimate, purposeful insult.

    A flatbed truck came to take the carcass of the vehicle away. We were left to clean up the rest of the debris and with the damages.

    I still haven’t figured out what the sentence should be for these guys. I turn the matter over to Judge Jim, New Jersey can’t be bothered.

    Comment by Enlighten-NewJersey — January 16, 2008 @ 1:45 pm

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    Comment by JihadGene — January 16, 2008 @ 2:35 pm

  15. Lived in Lakewood, NJ on the road connecting 2 major highways. Every day it was beer bottles or soda bottles in the front yard, Burger King and McDonalds bags of trash there.

    Remember when I worked at Met Life in Manhattan. The people would just walk down the street and drop the trash when they finished eating whatever was in the wrappers. If they didn’t want it all that got dropped as well.

    Montclair, NJ back in the early 90’s. When I was waiting for a bus on the corner of Bloomfield Ave, you could see broken bottles and trash on the sidewalk not even 2 feet from the trash can. They could not be bothered to take even one step to drop it in the trash.

    Pigs everywhere. A friend visited me when I was on a contract in the small town Midwest and could not get over how clean the streets were. There was still some trash but nothing like it is here close to the big cities.

    Comment by dick — January 16, 2008 @ 5:40 pm

  16. … ahhh…. the post wherein Jimbo gets his groove back…..

    Comment by Eric — January 16, 2008 @ 7:32 pm

  17. Litter bugs suck.

    Comment by Libby — January 16, 2008 @ 7:33 pm

  18. … but hey, for what it is worth?…. I’d definitely vote for you being a judge…. 100%….

    Comment by Eric — January 16, 2008 @ 7:33 pm

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