April 1, 2008

Obama’s Diner.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:42 pm

diner-counter.jpgIn the rat’s nest that is my cruller, I have a vision of Barack Obama owning and operating a diner. Really, I can’t explain this stuff. Anyway, the following interaction between Obama and the diner’s customer percolated to the top.

Obama: Good morning, sir. What can I get you?

Customer: Good morning to you. I’m starving. How about a cheese omelet, with a side of bacon, some buttered white toast and a cup of black coffee?

Obama: You need to change that.

Customer: Huh?

Obama: Yeah, you need a change. You’ll have an egg white omelet with low fat cheese, and. instead of the bacon, I’ll give you fresh fruit. The white bread is out of the question. I’ll give you whole wheat toast. No butter: margarine instead. I’ll switch the coffee to decaf.

Customer: I really wanted what I ordered, if that’s OK with you.

Obama: Not OK. I told you. I’m changing your order. I know what’s best for you. It’s all about change. You’ll be glad you did.

Customer: OK, if you say so. I’ll give it a try.

Obama: Great. That’ll be $18.95, please.

Customer: $18.95? That’s pretty steep for breakfast.

Obama: Yeah, but it’s good for you. I’d like it in advance, please.

Customer: OK. Payment up front is pretty unusual, I’ll say (pays Obama). Good thing for you I’m as hungry as I am.

Obama: Thanks. I’ll be back with your breakfast in a jiffy.

. . .

Obama: Here you are. Enjoy your breakfast.

Customer: Is that it?

Obama: Yeah, is there a problem?

Customer: This is one piece of dry toast and a glass of water!

Obama: Yeah, I changed your order. Embrace the change and nurture your hope.

Customer: I was hoping to get my goddamned breakfast!

Obama: Like I said, enjoy your breakfast, big guy.

Customer: This is nuts. Gimme my damned money back. I’m outta here.

Obama: Sorry. Your money will go to the greater good. Besides, from the looks of you, it appears that you have been eating more than your fair share.

Customer: This is bullshit!

Obama: Keep hope alive!

Customer: I hope you get crabs.


  1. That’s not unlike what Mike the former Republican Bloomberg did to New York.

    I’d like my God-damned City back, and, while we’re at it, some transfatty ingredients in my breakfast, some smut instead of Mickey Mouse in Times Square, AND, when I play pool in a bar, sometimes I like to smoke while I drink. So did the vast majority of New Yorkers who smoked and drank in bars. I’d like that, as well as my rights, back, too.

    Yesterday New York, today the United States, tomorrow the world. Screwed? Ya think? I do.

    Comment by Erica — April 1, 2008 @ 9:10 pm

  2. Pretty much as I envisoin things if either Obama or Hillary get in the White House.

    Comment by joated — April 1, 2008 @ 9:13 pm

  3. Oh hell. It sounds like Hillary was in the kitchen!

    Comment by Joan of Argghh! — April 1, 2008 @ 9:40 pm

  4. And another thing which really irks me, speaking of diners and change…lately, in my neck of the woods (this is not a Brooklyn is a shithole thing; this is an over-development gone so very wrong thing), all of the fabulous greasy spoon diners are being torn down to make way for stupid shit, like banks and pharmacies. Just take a look at this. It’s depressing!

    While I am pro-development, depending upon the circumstances surrounding the development, support change that is good (sometimes things need to be changed), and in favor of banks and pharmacies, as they serve some very vital needs in a community, we do not need to have five banks on a single block, or, ugly condos filling up every empty space, or, like in Park Slope, a CVS on one corner, Rite-Aid on another, Walgreens on yet another, and Pathmark on yet another…all facing each other!! It’s stoooooopid!

    I never understood why people are allowed to go in and make the changes they see fit to making, to suit their own…what? Without doing what is good for the space. Or the neighborhood? In Sheepshead Bay, which has every potential to be a really kick-ass boating community, whose waterfront could even possibly be transformed into a nice Riviera (shaddup, I know you’re rolling your eyes!), with quaint little shops and fish, tackle & bait stores, we are being crowded out by developers who think it’s OK to build 10,000 gross-looking condos all over the place, that don’t even match the character of the neighborhood, on property that would ideally be best served as either commercial use, or, in the very least, mixed use, which is a very Brooklyn thing to do.

    Sorry I went off, but damn! Sometimes I really hate change.

    Comment by Erica — April 1, 2008 @ 10:08 pm

  5. Jimbo – you forgot… Obama would then charge to let him leave (to take care of the ‘carbon footprint’ bills) all for the greater good you know. Heh.

    Comment by Teresa — April 1, 2008 @ 10:38 pm

  6. A little different from the current White House establishment — free cheese omelets for the already overweight, and we’ll send the $50 tab to your kids, who will be working in a Chinese joint.

    Comment by Jack Bog — April 2, 2008 @ 12:21 am

  7. Joan of Argghh says-
    “Oh hell. It sounds like Hillary was in the kitchen.”

    Sounds rike a song to Great Reader….So’s I’m write this “schlong” and dead-ik-cake (dedicate) it to JOAN-of-ARGUING…

    Some-one’s in the Kitchen wiff Hill-ree

    Some-one’s in the Kitchen,

    I know, oh, woe, woe.

    Some-one’s in the Kitchen wiff Hill-ree,

    Avoidin his friend REZ-CO!

    Ruv Yoo Loong Time JIM-BLOW-SAN!
    …and heathen readers like Ericlaw.

    Ruv Yoo Loong Time,

    Great Reader & “Schlong” Writer,

    KIM Jong IL
    DPRK 90210

    Comment by JihadGene — April 2, 2008 @ 12:51 am

  8. Well the upside is that us crackers would have our own, private entrance around the back…

    Comment by gregor — April 2, 2008 @ 7:17 am

  9. …. we’re so royally screwed….

    Comment by Eric — April 2, 2008 @ 8:05 am

  10. We need to pool our resources and buy an island somewhere. We can call it Bloggaria.

    Comment by Elisson — April 2, 2008 @ 10:21 am

  11. I’m voting for Elisson!!

    Comment by Jean — April 2, 2008 @ 5:13 pm

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