April 15, 2008

Politicars. (Updated)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:45 pm

In an effort to profit from the increasing public interest in the 2008 presidential elections, some of the major automobile manufacturers have launched interesting new models. PRS’s automotive correspondents checked out the varied offerings and have filed the following reports:

Long and streamlined in appearance, the Obama marks a departure from the body styles that younger people have sometimes described as being too boxy. It is available in a cafe au lait tan or in two-tone black and white. Either color scheme harmonizes very well with the Kremlin-red interior.

We were impressed with the smooth sound of the engine and the car’s ability to accelerate quickly, but once we got under the hood, it was obvious that the Obama’s power train is barely more than a prototype. With anything resembling sustained running, the engine was prone to backfiring and stalling.

Perhaps the most curious aspect of the Obama’s performance is that it appears to run better on the left side of the road, and it only makes left turns. We predict that this will pose a significant marketing challenge in the United States.

In a bold move, the designers of the McCain decided go retro. It is fair to say that the McCain looks more like a 1968 Chevrolet Impala than anything Detroit or Japan has produced in decades. It is available only in Navy Blue with an imported lettuce-green interior.

Those fans of sixties muscle vehicles who were hoping to see a car with a hard-charging, high-powered V8 engine will be disappointed to learn that the McCain is powered by a six-cylinder engine that is built for durability rather than power or speed.

The McCain handles best when driven close to the center of the roadway and has a troublesome tendency to veer to the left far too often; and it steers to the right only with great difficulty.

In contrast to the sleek appearance of the Obama and the somewhat daring, retro look of the McCain, the Hillary is unimpressive in appearance. We didn’t think it was possible for an automobile to appear quite so stale, uninteresting and downright frumpy looking. Its oversized balloon tires contribute significantly to its distinctive lack of curb appeal. Notably, the availability of various pastel exteriors and interiors cannot overcome the car’s basic design flaws.

Aside from its appearance, particularly annoying is the screeching sound made by the engine at higher RPMs. Perhaps the vehicle’s most disturbing shortcoming is that the dashboard gauges never provide accurate readings, leaving the driver with no way of knowing what is going on with the car’s engine at any given moment.

When questioned about some of the perceived problems with the Hillary, its chief designer became somewhat testy. He wagged his finger and stated, “Listen to me. You can say anything you like about the Hillary, but understand one thing. This bitch is damned near indestructible, and she’s built to be unstoppable.”

Update: In the comments to this post, Maggie45 calls our attention to a real Hillary Car, which is cruising around in Pennsylvania at the moment, presumably visiting towns populated by the bitter folks.


  1. Kremlin-red interior is a classic.

    Comment by Craig — April 15, 2008 @ 7:22 pm

  2. No wonder the auto industry is going under. I’d rather ride the bus.

    i think the hillary needs a luggage rack. especially since she treats femininity like it’s baggage. and who can blame her, she looks road worn and a million miles from true beauty.

    Comment by supergurl — April 15, 2008 @ 8:28 pm

  3. No, the Hillary already has a HUGE trunk. It’s wide enough and ddeep enough for at least four or five bodies or three crates of Chinese cash.

    Comment by joated — April 15, 2008 @ 8:45 pm

  4. Hmmmm. Given those options, I think I’d rather go with a bicycle, or even walk. But thanks, anyway!

    Comment by DMerriman — April 15, 2008 @ 8:55 pm

  5. Yep, and my neighbors are wondering why I am asking if they know anyone selling mules…

    Comment by GUYK — April 15, 2008 @ 10:15 pm

  6. Does the Obama run on belief alone?

    ROFLMAO – Jimbo you have truly outdone yourself this time.

    Comment by Teresa — April 15, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

  7. Another one of your brillant posts.

    Comment by LeeAnn — April 16, 2008 @ 12:02 am

  8. All would be an improvement over the current model, the W-2000, which secretly runs on ethanol. Its poorly wired navigation system drives it into one ditch after another, and it will not be paid for for another 40 years or more.


    Comment by Jack Bog — April 16, 2008 @ 12:43 am


    *The Barrack Whos-Named OBAMA model*
    Smokes like a smudge-pot and even comes with one complementary Reverend Jeremiah Wright Jr’s 2007 Christmas Sermon CD titled…Twas the night before “GAWD DAMN AMERICA”!
    Also featured is a Rezko Rumble seat where Barry’s chickens have come home to roost.
    And don’t forget it comes complete with one of those ratty-assed and dangerous space-taker tires by Michelle (nope,not even a Michelin).

    *The HILLARY model*
    One sluggish ride, that cork-screws into absolutely farookin nothin. Rumored to draw sniper fire, but really only found appealing to Janet Reno and Chinese Postal Workers named PAW in the Fremont/Daly City areas of California. This baby does however have aero-dynamic ashtrays, when thrown.

    *The McLAME Model (A Maverick of a Pickup Twuck)*
    All come standard with suicide knobs on steering wheel, for those rapid right or left turns. Great for border crossings with snorkling features for those Rio Grande River crossings! Reversible USA/Viva Mexico license plates are optional for you coyote types out there! The truck is good if you’re into construction or do landscaping for the ROMNEY’s. Warning* if you’re a fence builder, this ain’t the truck for you.


    RYLT! JG

    Comment by JihadGene — April 16, 2008 @ 1:09 am

  10. LOL, there REALLY IS a Hillary Car! It’s in Pa right now, decorated by Gretchen Baer, who is an artist in Bisbee, Az. She’s in Pa now with the car.


    Comment by Maggie45 — April 16, 2008 @ 6:22 am

  11. Maggie FLOOR FIVE-

    Tanks! Ruv dat car looong time!

    Great Reader, KIM Jong IL

    Comment by JihadGene — April 16, 2008 @ 11:56 am

  12. I used to drive a Chevy Impala in the early 1970’s. Really solid car.

    Comment by Cappy — April 16, 2008 @ 8:44 pm

  13. […] etc. Plus, she’s actually an adult about Iraq and runs to the right of Obama, who is to the left side of the road compared to everyone in the Senate, […]

    Pingback by Colbert’s leftist humor and Obama’s leftist politics reflect a disdain for middle America « docweaselblog — April 18, 2008 @ 1:02 pm

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