April 23, 2008

Sadists! Finks!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:59 pm

Oh, they just couldn’t wait to e-mail me the story, or blog it and link to me. First across the finish line with an e-mail about the story was Shamrocketship, then came Montana Dave’s e-mail about the story, both of whom were hoping to be the first to send me the story. They were followed by a clutch of sadistic readers, who e-mailed me the story, obviously thinking that a day without loosening ol’ Jimbo’s bowels is like a day without sunshine. This morning I see that my pal over at Compass Points is blogging the story and asking me about my next trip to Florida.

So what’s the story?

As you may well have guessed before clicking the link, the story involves an alligator. No, not just your run-of-the-mill story about an alligator strutting his ugly ass down the street or wandering around in a parking lot. This one involves a woman who walked into her kitchen only to be confronted by an eight foot alligator in her kitchen. That’s right. In her farookin’ KITCHEN! WTF?

Even as mellow as Florida Peeps claim to be about alligators, this woman was a bit rattled when she called the cops (audio here), particularly when the police operator asked, “How long is it? … Are you sure it couldn’t be an iguana?” A freakin’ iguana?

Video of the capture of this prehistoric monster is here.

If I walked into my kitchen and was confronted with an eight-foot alligator, my intestines would instantly empty and I might well have “the big one.” I sure as shit would wind up in therapy. Yo, IT WAS IN THE FAROOKIN’ KITCHEN!

You FINKS know damned well that I will be in Florida next month, so you obviously take particular joy in stories like this at this time of the year.

Sadistic bastards.


  1. But… but… Jimbo, all I was trying to do was make you glad you live in the Garbage Garden State. That, and to remind you that when you do go to Florida, you remember that you have to stay aware of your surroundings. I wouldn’t dream of doing anything that would, like, UPSET you or anything.


    Comment by DMerriman — April 23, 2008 @ 7:34 pm

  2. I admit that I wanted to freak you out. THAT’S honest. Guess it worked. hehehehe

    Comment by joated — April 23, 2008 @ 8:33 pm

  3. Heh, you know who your friends are now… I saw the story and DIDN’T email you. 😉

    Comment by Teresa — April 23, 2008 @ 9:16 pm


    Comment by Maeve — April 23, 2008 @ 10:12 pm

  5. teresa,

    your ability to resist the temptation to send the story speaks volumes about your strength of mind. A true princess you are.

    Comment by dick — April 23, 2008 @ 11:24 pm

  6. Well this time it wasn’t me that got your antediluvian reptile loathing up to the nth degree.
    If that happened in my house Mr. Gator would have met Mr. 12 gauge loaded with slugs.

    Comment by Bill — April 24, 2008 @ 1:33 am

  7. Jimbo, sometimes I feel like I’m living in a Carl Hiaasen novel and can’t wait to turn the page to see what happens next.

    Comment by Bill — April 24, 2008 @ 1:40 am

  8. I’d be having that alligator for dinner. Tastes like chicken…or frog legs. One or the other. Maybe get a pair of size 9 1/2 boots out of the hide.

    Comment by Jerry — April 24, 2008 @ 10:14 am

  9. I understand that Gator’s over four feet long have developed a taste for Vodka. Thats why the critter was in the house, something about chocalate vodka according to the police report.

    Comment by james old guy — April 24, 2008 @ 1:39 pm

  10. Deer JimO-san,

    Here in Starving People’s Repubrick of Norf Korea wee Saw-Root (salute) You’s!!! I’m will have mine peoples laboriously laboring to build a monument rising to the level of your fears over dweaded Alleygators! I’m calls your numba(1-800-EAT-JimO!) butt no answer. You OK JimO?

    Ruv Yoo Looong as a 12′ Gators Tail!
    Great Reader KIM JONG IL

    Comment by JihadGene — April 24, 2008 @ 2:54 pm

  11. Come on..gators are no big deal in the scheme of things.
    After all… they’re just big lizards. I mean…you live in New Jersey right? You’ve got it a lot worse.
    You could walk into your kitchen and find John Corzine.

    Comment by Tbird — April 24, 2008 @ 3:00 pm

  12. Deer JimBlow- I’m piled on late…butt I’m piled on yoos anyways!!!
    RYLT! Great Reader

    Comment by JihadGene — April 24, 2008 @ 4:49 pm

  13. That gator would have made some good nuggets and a pair of boots to boot!

    Comment by hammer — April 24, 2008 @ 6:25 pm

  14. Don’t forget to check under the bed!

    Incidentally, Barack Obama has still not distanced himself from the alligator and its message of hate. Rumor has it that Hillary Clinton will be releasing a video of Barack and his PET ALLIGATOR.

    Stay tuned…

    Comment by Mike R. — April 24, 2008 @ 9:15 pm

  15. yeah, used to live near that lake..lots of gators in Oldsmar..built in a damn swamp

    funny thing Jimbo…I’ll be in Florida all of next month myself..

    Comment by GUYK — April 24, 2008 @ 9:56 pm

  16. Well, we do have a bit of an iguana problem down here from what I understand! 🙂

    We were talking about this story at work. Weird crazy stuff. In her garage. And then a guy I work with was telling me about some Northerner being down and on a golf course and she was near the water while her husband had a camera… she wanted to pet the gator.

    Darwin’s theory at its finest.

    Comment by Bou — April 25, 2008 @ 8:27 am

  17. Ooops… I meant kitchen.

    Comment by Bou — April 25, 2008 @ 8:27 am

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