May 28, 2008

U R Dooshbags, 4 Real.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:24 pm

Yeah, I’m talking to you jackasses who think you can safely “text” while driving a car. It’s goddamned bad enough that you swerve all over the farookin’ highway at 75 miles per hour while blabbing on your cell phone, but now I see that you are “texting” while driving.

I had no idea that this was an issue until this morning when I heard that the New York State Senate approved a bill that would prohibit “texting” while driving. My initial thought was, “Do they really need a law? Who in their right mind would try to read and send text messages while driving?”

Silly me.

It turns out that sponsors of the legislation relied on a “…a recent survey conducted by Nationwide Mutual Insurance Co. showing that one in five drivers text behind the wheel; most are between the ages of 18 and 34.”

Three in five? Holy crap!

Are you people out of your minds?

Consider someone who actually is paying complete attention to driving and who is driving at 70 mph. From the moment that person spots an emergency, the car will travel 77 feet before his foot will reach the brake pedal. The car will travel an additional 269 feet before stopping, for a total of 346 feet (more than the length of a football field) between seeing an emergency and actually stopping. (link).

Now, imagine how that works out if the car travels three hundred feet before you even see an emergency because you were busy “texting.” BLAMMO!

To borrow a phrase from the Late Great Acidman, anyone who texts while driving ought to be dragged off and shot.

Damned fools.


  1. I’m sure Massachusetts has more than that… they must. There must be a reason they drive so badly… I’ll go with that one.

    Comment by Teresa — May 28, 2008 @ 10:12 pm

  2. I’m inclined to cut the driving texters a break, I’m sure the messages they’re sending are of earth-shattering importance. Just like the cell phone calls they make while driving. And in the movie theater. And in line at the supermarket. These are obviously very important people.

    Comment by John D — May 28, 2008 @ 11:01 pm

  3. Arizona has a “distracted driver” provision that supposedly would mean that text messaging is already no-no. Last I heard there was a push to specifically outlaw text messaging.


    Comment by Mark — May 29, 2008 @ 1:12 am

  4. Shooting’s too good for ’em.

    First offense, take away all their driving priveleges for a couple of years. and make ’em take public transportation so they have the TIME to ‘text’.

    Staking out over an ant hill would be appropriate for a second offense.

    For anyone after that, we should be more ‘creative’.

    Comment by DMerriman — May 29, 2008 @ 1:37 am

  5. I think that texting is a commie plot!

    Comment by GUYK — May 29, 2008 @ 9:18 am

  6. Ha – I saw a woman this morning who was driving about 75 in the left lane of a very busy freeway while simultaneously talking on her cell phone and curling her eyelashes in her rear view mirror. She appeared to be steering with her elbows. Can you say Death Wish?

    Comment by Dash — May 29, 2008 @ 9:43 am

  7. Consider how badly the economy’d suffer if driver’s licenses were only offered to those who demonstrated sufficient judgement to drive. It’d be worse the Democrat majorities in both houses!

    Comment by Ed Flinn — May 29, 2008 @ 11:21 am

  8. Teresa, Masshole drivers stunk long before the existence of the cell phone, nevermind text messaging. The Southeast Expressway was always an impending death back in the late 70’s, and the other highways weren’t any better.

    Comment by Ken Adams — May 29, 2008 @ 2:25 pm

  9. Talking on a cell phone – whether “hands-free” or not – has the same effect on driving as a couple of shots of chocolate vodka. Or any other hooch. Really.

    Texting? I shudder to think.

    Distracted driving can get you killed. Sad thing is, it can also get other people killed. Alas, the highways are chock fulla assholes. More assholes than a proctologists’ convention.

    Comment by Elisson — May 29, 2008 @ 2:50 pm

  10. Personally, I can’t imagine even attempting to text while driving, but obviously some people do.

    Locally, not quite a year ago, we had a truly horrible accident that may have been due to texting :

    Comment by Angela — May 29, 2008 @ 7:35 pm

  11. What gets me is the arrogance and denial of the cell-text people. I’ve white-knuckled it in the passenger seat while the driver was blabbing on the cell about Critical Issues Of National Importance And Immediacy.” If I casually say, “Wow I don’t know HOW you can DO that,” they always insist they are super-good at “multi-tasking.” And yet as I sit there trying to remember who my alternate Personal Representative is, I watch them going way too SLOW, or they miss turns, or they are tailgating (and they normally don’t).

    Comment by dogette — May 30, 2008 @ 7:52 am

  12. It is happening – just the other day I was almost hit by an idiot who was texting while “waiting” at a stop sign.

    Comment by Fausta — May 30, 2008 @ 5:51 pm

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