An Interview with Jimbo’s Great Farookin’ Hair.
It’s not often that one has the opportunity to speak with a living legend. It is my honor and privilege to bring you this transcript of a candid discussion with Jimbo’s Great Farookin’ Hair.
The Hair is notoriously reclusive, but we managed to tempt him out of hiding with the offer of a vintage Vitalis.
Elisson: GFH, you’re looking great, as always. How do you do it?
Jimbo’s Great Farookin’ Hair: Aw, ya don’t hafta butter me up. Just because this is the first interview I’ve had in, what, ten years or somethin’? Anyway, I’ve been trying to take better care of myself. Gave up the Vitalis years ago (well, except for tonight.). I mean, you feel great for a little while, and then the buzz wears off, leaving you with this greasy feeling… Now it’s just a little Selsun Blue very morning, coupla swipes with the ol’ brush, and I’m good to go.
El: I hear Jimbo likes to use a special brush.
JGFH: Oh, no doubt about it. It’s one-of-a-kind. Cost him half a year’s salary, and you know that’s gotta be a bundle, him bein’ a Legal Eagle and all. It’s made of the little hairs that grow around wolverine anuses.
El: Wolverine anuses?
JGFH: Yeah… and you have no idea how hard it is to make them little bastards sit still while you tweeze it outta their asses. You gotta tweeze it, ’cause you need the whole hair, follicle and all.
El: I’m… I’m speechless.
JGFH: For once, huh? [laughs]
El: We all know how proud Jimbo is of you. Always shows you off. Never wears a hat.
JGFH: Well, can ya blame him? Seriously, I’m honored that ol’ Jimbo is so proud of me. No damn fedora for him. Er, ahhh… no offense.
El: None taken. You know, every few years, those old rumors surface… you know, that old story that you were a Mossad agent back in the early 1970’s…that you were responsible for nailing Abu Merang, the Australian-Arab terrorist. First time anyone ever got “pouched”… it was both beautiful and terrifying.
JGFH: I can’t really talk about that stuff. It was a long time ago, put it that way. I didn’t always just sit on Jimbo’s cruller, ya know.
El: Anything you can share with us? Jimbo’s away in Hawai’i, and he’ll never know…
JGFH: Well, there is one thing…
El: Don’t tell me… [rolls eyes]
JGFH: You mean you know about the colander?
So, Elisson, you have inadvertently clued us in to the latest contender for Worst Job In the World: making a hairbrush for Jimbo’s Great Farookin’ Hair.
Wolverine Ass-hair Tweezer.
::shaking head in disbelief and gobsmacked silence::
Comment by Joan of Argghh! — June 15, 2008 @ 4:26 pm
OMG – a masterpiece Elisson – truly a masterpiece. ROFLMAO.
Comment by Teresa — June 15, 2008 @ 8:33 pm
I’d like to wish Jimbo’s hair a Happy Father’s Day! I assume it is doing the hula somewhere.
Comment by RT — June 15, 2008 @ 9:29 pm
Now that’s funny. Quite likely true, too.
Comment by DMerriman — June 15, 2008 @ 10:25 pm
…. bwhahahaaha……. now we need a photo of Jimbo in Hawaii without his GFH!…
Comment by Eric — June 16, 2008 @ 8:20 am
i am very impressed. leave it to elisson to score the interview of a lifetime, and while mr. parkway is in hawaii too. GFH!!! you crack me up.
Comment by supergurl — June 16, 2008 @ 8:55 am
We are talking about the hair on his head, right?
Right?
Please, someone get this picture out of my head!
Right?
*sobs*
Comment by LeeAnn — June 16, 2008 @ 1:33 pm
… actually, upon re-reading, Jimbo does wear a hat on occasion…. I have photographic evidence…. AND his hat….
Comment by Eric — June 16, 2008 @ 5:32 pm
I knew things were bad with Wolverines up north with RichRod owin’ 4mill to WVU, but to stoop as low as to sell but hairs of football players to pay for the 4 mil buyout is a whole new low for them.
Comment by RedNeck — June 16, 2008 @ 5:47 pm