January 15, 2009

Say What?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 11:12 pm

I was walking into the office this morning, and the temperature was in the teens. Add a bit of wind, and that’s pretty farookin’ cold. I was hunkered down and lost in thought, when I heard:

“CAUTION!! WATCH YOUR STEP!!”

WTF?

I continued to walk.

“CAUTION!! WATCH YOUR STEP!!”

It was a shouting “cone.”

Scared the shit out of me, it did.

I can handle being talked to by beets, but I resent being shouted at by a damned yellow plastic cone-type thing.

Somehow society managed to lumber along just fine for at least two-thousand years without shouting farookin’ cones.

If my mother were alive, she would blame the Beatles.

12 Comments »

  1. I wonder what kind of a dooshbag accent it spoke in.

    Comment by Erica — January 15, 2009 @ 11:43 pm

  2. Are the cones also available in Spanish and Ebonics versions?

    Comment by Ernie Nilsen — January 16, 2009 @ 1:21 am

  3. When talking cars (“the door is ajar”, “Fuel is low”, etc), I thought they’d all be a hell of a lot more effective if they used something like a Mr. T voice: “Close the door, fool!” “I pity the fool that don’t get some gas soon!”

    In that case, your talking cone would have said “Careful you don’t fall on your ass, dummy!”

    Comment by DMerriman — January 16, 2009 @ 1:43 am

  4. I always thought that GPS units, instead of having vaguely female voices that sound like a cross between Star Trek and the BBC, should be programmed with your Mother-in-law’s voice…

    “You missed the turn again! I don’t know whatshe sees in you…”

    Comment by Mr. Bingley — January 16, 2009 @ 7:14 am

  5. ADA in full mode there. Surely there are blind folks in your town?

    What’s amazing to me is that here, near a very famous school for blind and deaf students, we have no shouting cones. Damn funny concept, however. I think it should be expanded to all sorts of shouting things.

    Comment by Joan of Argghh! — January 16, 2009 @ 8:56 am

  6. I have a deep hatred for inanimate objects that speak, especially those I’ve helped elect to office…

    Comment by gregor — January 16, 2009 @ 10:07 am

  7. Just for general amusement, I just found a link to this article about talking GYM WEIGHTS

    Comment by DMerriman — January 16, 2009 @ 10:18 am

  8. Okay y’all are cracking me up.

    Joan – I’m wondering how much use a shouting cone would be to a blind person… they’d have no idea why something was shouting at them or what to do about it. Especially as it says “Watch your step!” If I’m blind I’d be yelling back – “I would if I could you jerkoff! What am I supposed to be looking for?”

    Jimbo – if the cone caused you to fall because it startled you, could you sue? *grin*

    Comment by Teresa — January 16, 2009 @ 11:57 am

  9. Wonder if it knows “Call the police! I’m being stolen!!”

    Comment by Ed Flinn — January 16, 2009 @ 1:48 pm

  10. “I wonder what kind of a dooshbag accent it spoke in.”

    Full blown Brooklyn dooshinese, Erica, full blown Brooklyn dooshinese. Sorry. ­čśë Hey, c’mon, in Brooklyn someone would actually stop and carry on a conversation with the talking cone. (running for cover)

    Comment by JerryK — January 17, 2009 @ 4:37 pm

  11. Ohhhhhhhh, I bet you don’t have the cajonies to say that to my face, JerryK. While there are many in Brooklyn who do carry on conversations with themselves in public, we cannot take credit, to the best of my knowledge (which isn’t very much), for inventing talking street cones. Pure New Jersey dooshbaggery, that.

    Comment by Erica — January 18, 2009 @ 12:32 am

  12. I simply MUST have one of these. I wonder if they’re available at retail?

    Comment by dogette — January 18, 2009 @ 10:16 am

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