January 27, 2009

Dead Boids All Ovah Da Place.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:12 pm

The Mystery
Over the weekend, local news outlets were abuzz (atwitter?) with news of thousands of dead birds showing up all over the place in Somerset County for no apparent reason. Some people, upon seeing the ubiquitous dead birds, were worried about avian flu or West Nile Virus. Who wouldn’t be, when awakening to see your lawn covered with dead birds?

The Answer
The birds did not die from some avian disease, but they were poisoned by the United States Department of Agriculture.

Huh? Boid Moider? Boidicide? WTF?

Yes, it was a case of boid moider. The intended victims were European Starlings, which were eating and pooping in the grain of a Princeton Township livestock farmer (Yeah, we really do have farms in Jersey). After a few non-lethal attempts to make the birds leave failed, the U.S. Government poisoned the birds.

Interesting Stuff

There are about 200 million European Starlings in the U.S. They didn’t live here (hence the name “European” Starlings) until a fellow named Eugene Schieffelin released 100 of them in Central Park in New York City in 1890 and 1891. Apparently, he released the foreign birds as part of an effort by the American Acclimatization Society “to fill America with all the birds mentioned in Shakespeare’s works.” (The European Starling appeared in Shakespeare’s “Henry IV.”) If Eugene Schieffelin were alive today, he would no doubt be a disciple of Algore and equally oblivious to the unintended consequences of douchebaggery.

The federal geniuses decided to poison the birds on a Friday, without giving proper notice to the affected towns. This resulted in weekend calls to town officials going unanswered. These are the same type folks who will run our soon-to-be nationalized healthcare system.

Yet another success story brought to you courtesy of the federal government.


  1. Fark ( http://www.fark.com ) had this as the teaser for the story:

    “If you live in Griggstown, NJ and were concerned about the 5000 dead birds raining from the sky, the USDA would like to assure you that nothing is wrong. And that the poison used to kill them is perfectly safe”

    Comment by DMerriman — January 27, 2009 @ 10:39 pm

  2. This is the kind of government action that I can get behind. When do we start killing off the Canada Geese?

    Comment by Suzette — January 28, 2009 @ 4:23 am

  3. But everyone knows it is global warming that killed the boids.

    Comment by jck — January 28, 2009 @ 9:26 am

  4. I think someone at USAir’s corporate office said “It’s payback time, feathered biatches.”

    Comment by Mr. Bingley — January 28, 2009 @ 9:37 am

  5. ….. we’ve got those little bastards down here too…… go Gov!…

    Comment by Eric — January 28, 2009 @ 1:36 pm

  6. For a minute there, I thought the last two posts were related somehow.

    Comment by Dave S. — January 28, 2009 @ 4:00 pm

  7. Is this like that frog thing in the movie Magnolia?

    Comment by dogette — January 28, 2009 @ 5:36 pm

  8. Oh boy… Do you think PETA will go after Obama over this??

    Comment by Richmond — January 28, 2009 @ 5:53 pm

  9. Looks like it worked for them. If they had announced it, there would have been no end of courtroom drama to “save the sweet little birdies”. (followed later by the same people suing the grain growers for selling grain that caused them to be very sick)

    How to avoid this? Kill ’em off and do it just as the weekend starts so you don’t have to answer any questions. heh.

    Now my husband was asking me if they would be passing out boidy recycling bins for the carcasses. LOL.

    Comment by Teresa — January 28, 2009 @ 8:48 pm

  10. Well, at least it wasn’t bird flu!

    Comment by Fausta — January 29, 2009 @ 6:36 pm

  11. ….four and twenty sterlings baked in a pie….


    Comment by Lttle Willie — January 29, 2009 @ 7:02 pm

  12. That reminded me of this: On the day of Richard Nixon’s 1973 inauguration, Pennsylvania Avenue was dotted with sick and dead pigeons. At the president’s request, the inauguration committee spent $13,000 to spread a chemical bird repellent on the tree branches along the parade route to deter the pigeons. According to the Washington Post, the chemicals in Roost-No-More were supposed to cause the birds’ feet to itch so they wouldn’t roost in the trees. Unfortunately, the birds ate the repellent, causing them to get sick and die along the parade route.

    Comment by Bou — January 29, 2009 @ 10:58 pm

  13. […] Oh, sure, the whack jobs at PETA want us all to fornicate with veggies, but they’re silent when it comes to boid moider. […]

    Pingback by The Puzzling Priorities Of PETA — January 30, 2009 @ 2:48 pm

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