January 20, 2004

Some Things I’d Like

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 11:40 pm

1. I’d like to wear a cowboy hat.
But, I won’t because:
(a) there aren’t any cows around here;
(b) one doesn’t wear cowboy hats around here;
(c) as my Uncle Bill used to say, “If you wear a hat like that around here, ya gotta know how to fight,” and at this stage in my life, I can’t see myself losing a couple teeth over headgear. and
(d) every time I ever tried on a cowboy hat, I looked like a Jewish dentist named “Mel” pretending to be a cowboy, which is nuts, because I am neither Jewish nor a dentist.

2. I’d like to wear cowboy boots.
But, I won’t because:
(a) there aren’t any cows around here;
(b) one does not wear cowboy boots around here;
(c) I assume that the Uncle Bill’s “Hat Rule” applies to cowboy boots, and at this stage in my life, I can’t see myself losing a couple teeth over footwear, and
(d) my five-inch wide feet, which look like those of the offspring of Fred Flintstone and Daisy Duck, just don’t fit well into cowboy boots.

3. I’d like to ride a horse.
But, I won’t because:
(a) there aren’t any horses around here;
(b) therefore, one does not ride horses around here (at least, in this part of the state);
(c) those animals are way bigger than they look on television, and they kick and bite too, and
(d) I don’t think it’s fair to disaccommodate a horse by making it carry my ass around for the fun of it.



  1. I wear cowboy boots every day…and, no fights over footwear yet…although, this IS Tennessee…as for the horses, you’ll enjoy it if you ever take the plunge…I’m sure that NJ has a riding stable somewhere…go take some classes..It will make watching all those History Channel shows about Huns and Mongols a LOT more entertaining…as for the hat..I agree..I look kinda like Opie Taylor if I wear a cowboy hat..

    Comment by Eric — January 21, 2004 @ 6:42 am

  2. Hell – NJ has lots of stables! C’mon down a little southbound – Monmouth County is loaded with horses and stables. Plus – head out west towards Cumberland County and there are even more out there!

    Comment by Kate — January 21, 2004 @ 8:58 am

  3. YAY!!!!

    Adelle is back online! And, speaking of blogs… be sure to check out Jim aka Parkway Rest Stop at his new digs. He always has something interesting written for his loyal readers like this post….

    Trackback by KateSpot — January 21, 2004 @ 9:01 am

  4. Well I wear a cowboy hat almost everyday, on real cold days I wear something that will keep my ears warm. I wear cowboy boots everyday and I ride a horse quite often because of what I do. Believe me if you do it all the time it is nothing special.

    Comment by Sarpy Sam — January 21, 2004 @ 5:35 pm

  5. Now I can’t get that song outta my head… “I wanna be a cowboy…”

    Hubby wears cowboy boots sometimes; even more when we lived in Texas. The ‘western’ line seems to be drawn in the sand, though: last year I went to northern New Mexico and bought a Bolo tie for him. Though he made the appropriate noises, he’s never worn it.

    Maybe if we still lived in Texas…?

    I take it you don’t want a Bolo as well? 😉

    Comment by pam — January 21, 2004 @ 6:36 pm

  6. Bolo tie? No thanks. I figure that the “Hat Rule” probably applies to those as well.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — January 21, 2004 @ 8:26 pm

  7. I wear cowboy boots all the time, despite the fact I am terrified of horses and cows. It’s most likely a “too damn lazy to keep tying and untying my sneakers” fashion choice.

    Comment by LeeAnn — January 22, 2004 @ 12:06 pm

  8. Horses don’t always bite and kick. Sometimes they just try to jump over things that don’t need to be jumped over. Or they walk under things that THEY clear just fine…but you don’t. Or, maybe they’ll decide to sneeze all over you. Ever have horse snot in your hair? Makes the “Something About Mary” seem tame in comparison.

    Comment by Da Goddess — January 24, 2004 @ 1:34 pm

  9. I think I’m probably too old to be falling off horses, and the thought of horse snot in my hair (which is indisputedly great hair) REALLY leaves me cold.

    I’ll stick with the Town Car for the time being.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — January 24, 2004 @ 3:50 pm

  10. Be careful how you look in a cowboy hat. It just doesn’t fit some people.

    to wit:

    Old cowboy sitting on the sidewalk in a little Texas town, kicking back. An obvious dude walks by, decked out in new Levis, boots, and topped off with a big, new hat. He pauses to let the old-timer feast on his finery.

    The old cowboy looks up, says, “Boy, I’d like to have TWO hats like that!”

    The dude is elated. He has obviously created envy by his choice of livery.

    “Yep,” says the old-timer, “one to s**t in, and the other to cover it up with…”

    Comment by Dale in Louisiana — January 26, 2004 @ 7:07 pm

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