June 28, 2004

An OnStar Tale.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:15 pm

I suspect that you all have heard the OnStar radio commercials, which feature real-time recordings of OnStar subscribers having their car doors unlocked remotely and having OnStar call police in the event of an accident “with air bag deployment.” These are compelling stories and effective (I assume) advertisements.

Well, here is a real (Honest injun) story about an OnStar subscriber (or a subscriber to a similar service), whom I know.

This fellow, who we will call “Pete,” is a subscriber. One day he stopped for a rather ample businessman’s lunch. After leaving the restaurant, he hopped into the car and headed off to his next appointment. Apparently, one of the features of this (or a similar) service is voice-activated-dialing, where, as instructed by a computer-generated voice, the driver speaks the numbers to be dialed, and the software dials the number, hands-free.

So, ol’ Pete, quite full from lunch, was cruising down the road, and he decided to check in with his office. He began to slowly and distinctly recite the number to be dialed. “Nine…seven…three, …four….” And, at that moment, the lunch caught up with him and he cut a bone shattering fart BRRRRRAAAAAAACCCCKKKK.

The OnStar electronic voice responded, “Pardon?”

Ain’t technology grand?


  1. That would be MY luck.

    The funny thing is I just said how I want to be an OnStar operator when I grow up!! I don’t know which is worse, getting yelled at by customers or farted at?!?! 🙂

    Comment by Tammi — June 28, 2004 @ 9:40 pm

  2. OnStar. Always There. Always Ready.

    Comment by Craig — June 28, 2004 @ 10:06 pm

  3. Jim, great story. I’m still laughing, and the dog is looking at me with that “I’ll never understand your penchant for permutations of fart humor” face. I dunno, farts is just funny. Unless of course it’s DOG-expelled gas which, as you know, is caustic enough not only to cause subspace interference but also to produce actual airbag deployment within the confines of most auto passenger compartments. It’s a little-reported fact that in-vehicle dog farts actually cause 40% of all car accidents, the ones where the police end up writing the vaguely generic phrase “inattention to driving” as the “cause” of the accident.

    Comment by topdawg — June 29, 2004 @ 7:00 am

  4. T’Dawg,

    All true about the dog farts, but fess up. I am sure that, on at least one occasion, you have blamed an innocent dog for a self-expelled SBD (silent but deadly) methane blast.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — June 29, 2004 @ 8:47 am

  5. Classic – one for the books!

    Comment by Angell — June 29, 2004 @ 11:32 pm

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