Teresa: “What IS that you are putting our plates, Pierre?”

Pierre: “Those are grits, madam.”

Teresa: “Gricks?”

Pierre: “No, madam; grits.”

Teresa: “Grits? I never heard of them. What are they? Are they French? Anyway, they look awful.”

Pierre: “Grits are a corn-based food substance that is eaten by many commoners in the South. I prepared them without sugar, the way the commoners prefer them.”

John:

Teresa: “If this is food that is eaten by southern commoners, why the hell are you serving it to us?”

John:

Pierre: “Master John asked that I prepare them in advance of your campaign activities in the South, Madam.”

Teresa: “Is that true, MASTER John?”

John: “Yes it is, Muffin. We will be swinging through the southern states in a week or so, and I know that we will be asked to eat grits, so I thought we had better acquaint ourselves with them.”

Teresa: “Oh, is that what you thought? Well, think again, Shit-for-Brains. I have no intention of eating this common slop. Pierre! Pour this shit into the garbage and bring us eggs benedict.”

Pierre: “Of course, madam.”

John: “I’m not hungry now.”

Teresa: “Is this a bit of attitude I’m seeing here? Is Johnny gonna pout because I wouldn’t sign on to eating gricks, or grits, or whatever that swill is called?”

John:

Teresa: “Don’t even think about pulling that whiney bullshit with me, mister. You’ll eat your goddamned eggs benedict, or you’ll be on the floor, wearing a dog collar and eating Kibbles ‘n Bits.”

John: