October 7, 2004

At Home With John and Teresa. No. 17.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:30 pm

John: “BAARRRRRRFFFFFFFF…glurp …ugh..…BARRRRRFFFFF… Jesus Christ…BAROOOOFFFFFFFF……”

Teresa: “Well, Dork Face, don’t you look presidential down on your knees, covered with puke, spending the last hour hugging the toilet bowl and barfing up everything but your toenails?”

John: “Please, Muffin. Give me a break. I think I drank too much last night.”

Teresa: “No shit, Dickhead. Last night you were giving me that ‘Pickle Lady’ and ‘war hero’ horseshit and demanding that I ‘whip some leg’ on you.”

John: “Oh, Christ, no”

Teresa: “You want some leg whipped on you? Well, how about THIS? ……THUMP…..(kicks John in the ass, forcing his head to smack the rim of the toilet bowl)

John: “OWWWW!!! Why did you do that, Muffin? Can’t you see how sick I am? I think it was the third drink that did it.”

Teresa: “You got this screwed up on three goddamned drinks? Jesus, you can’t even DRINK like a man. You’re sickening.” …… THUMP……(another kick in the ass)

John: OWWWW!!! Please stop it, Muffin. It won’t happen again. I promise.”

Teresa: “You’re damned right it won’t happen again, if you know what’s good for your sorry Boston bullshitter ass. I want you to get on your feet, get those puke-covered clothes off, have Pierre burn them, and take a shower. You stink.”

John: “Yes, dear.”

Teresa: “And when you’re done, go to your goddamned room and stay there until I say you can come out. Also, as punishment for your acting like such an asshole last night, I tossed your Joan Baez discs.”

John: “Please, no, Muffin. Not Joan Baez! I listen to her for inspiration.”

Teresa: “Inspiration? You want inspiration? I’ll give you inspiration. You open your whiney yap once more and I’ll slam that goddamned shitcan lid on your head and flush! Now, do as you were told!”

John:

7 Comments »

  1. You just don’t know how much these make my day.

    Comment by Margi — October 7, 2004 @ 8:54 pm

  2. good idea

    I wish that I had thought of doing something like this. Those posts are like a combination of good satire…

    Trackback by Gut Rumbles — October 8, 2004 @ 11:00 am

  3. Brutal.

    Just brutal.

    Comment by Barkeep Chuck — October 8, 2004 @ 7:01 pm

  4. Any chance you can find a way to build a sidebar link with the complete listing of all the individual links to these incredibly funny and devastatingly accurate posts ?? They really should be read in proper consecutive order!

    Comment by MommaBear — October 10, 2004 @ 9:02 am

  5. MommaBear,

    Three words that strike terror in the heart of this CyberDoofus is “build a sidebar.” That requires messing with Mister Template. Hell putting that Bush button up on the left seriously made my hair hurt.

    You do, however, make a good suggestion, so I will give it a go. Actually, I’ve been wanting to do that for the “Sgt. Steele” stories as well (I do have another one partially done — honest), so, I can use “John and Teresa” as sort of a test run.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — October 10, 2004 @ 12:01 pm

  6. Excellent, as I had asked the same question about the Sgt. Steele stories way back when after I read one of them !! Better late than never, Lad !!

    Comment by MommaBear — October 10, 2004 @ 4:49 pm

  7. MommaBear,

    Being called “lad” made my day. Thank you soooo much!

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — October 10, 2004 @ 9:02 pm

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