January 15, 2005

Jekyll Phone Call.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 3:41 pm

Hotel Lady (hereinafter, “HL”): “Hello. Jekyll Island Days Inn. May I help you?”

Jimbo: “Aaaay, Haya dooin’?”

HL: “Excuse me?”

Jimbo: “Yo, I said ‘haya dooin’?”

HL: “I’m sorry. I don’t quite understa….”

Jimbo: “Dat’s OK. I’m lookin’ to book a room for a couple a nights. Are you da – watchyacall – group reservation person?”

HL: “Yes, I am. How can I help you?”

Jimbo: “Tanks a lot. Like I said, I’m lookin’ to book a room for April fifteent and sixteent.”

HL: “What group are you with, sir?”

Jimbo: “Oh, lemme tink a minute. … OK, I remember. I’m wit da – watchyacall – Georgia Writers Workshop.”


Jimbo: “Yo! You still dere?”

HL: “Yes, I am. It’s just….Well, it’s just that you don’t sound like you’re from Georgia.”

Jimbo: “I dunno know how you’d know dat. You got a problem wit dat?”

HL: “And, if I may say so, you don’t sound much like a writer either.”

Jimbo: “Yo! What’s wit all da questions? Are you freakin’ coo-coo or some shit? You wit the FBI? I just wanna book da room.”

HL: “Frankly, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I don’t think you’re being honest.”

Jimbo: “Are you callin’ me a liar? What’s wit choo? Here I am talkin’ nice to you, and you’re given me a bunch a bullshit, like some kinda booTAHN!”

HL: “Look, I just sense that there is something funny going on here.”

Jimbo: “Funny? You mean like Rodney Freakin’ Dangerfield? You tink I’m tryin’ to be funny? You hear me laughin’? I don’t hear you laughin’. You’re beginnin’ to piss me off here. Are you gonna book da room or not?”

HL: “No, I will not book the room, because I don’t know what you’re up to, and I DON’T think you’re a Georgia writer, and, further, I doubt if any of the Georgia writers would even know you.”

Jimbo: “You gotta be shittin’ me. Check wit Velociman. He knows me.”


Jimbo: “You still dere?”

HL: “Did you say ‘Velociman’?”

Jimbo: “Yeah. Me and him are buddies.”

HL: “I had no idea. … I’d be happy to reserve a room for you, sir.”

Jimbo: “OK, it’s for da fifteent and sixteent. You got dat? Hey, youse guys anywhere near a liquor store?”

HL: “Yes sir. I have it, and yes, there is a liquor store nearby.”

Jimbo: “Dat’s good. Tanks.”

HL: “Sir?”

Jimbo: “Yeah?”

HL: “I’m sorry about the mix-up. I wasn’t aware that you know Veloci….”

Jimbo: “Aaaay, fuggetaboutit.”


  1. She just could not see your baseball cap looking at the phone, plus she did not know that you could handle your licker, so good, Cat.

    Comment by Catfish — January 15, 2005 @ 4:12 pm

  2. … dude, I had to leave a message on her answering machine.. she actually called back my cell phone, and said.. “hello, is this Mr. SWG?.. well, I understand that you wanted to book a room for the upcoming Georgia Writers Workshop?”… heh!… man, I bet they have a big placard out front when we get there saying “Welcome Georgia Writers!!”…

    Comment by Eric — January 15, 2005 @ 4:37 pm

  3. Jim, man…that’s rough.

    If you need a translator, I think I can help. Also, I booked a suite, you can have the couch…

    Comment by Christina — January 15, 2005 @ 6:04 pm

  4. Quit making me cry….

    This reminded me of a trip long, long ago – I was at a little motel somewhere in Florida with my folks & brothers. This would have been thirty-something years ago. My dad asked me to get some ice for the cooler. Now you know how big those motel ice buckets are. Smaller than a large soda cup these days. Anyhow, I was in the process of doing this – filling the bucket, going to the room, emptying the bucket into the coooler, back to the ice machine, filling the bucket, back to the room – when this little Southern miss approached me, and said: “Ahm sorry but mah daydee sad onlee won bucket uh eyes puh customah.” So, little Miss South Brooklyn said: “I’m sorry but my daddy told me to fill the cooler.” She burst into tears and took off. I swear that I’m not that mean!

    Comment by moos — January 15, 2005 @ 6:51 pm

  5. I don’t know about translatin fuh any uh use guys, but one time I had to translate between some workers on a big construction project. One crew was from Mexico and/or south Texas and another crew included some brothers from Columbus, Mississippi. Since I was the only one from Louisiana, I got elected to translate.

    Comment by Dash — January 15, 2005 @ 10:54 pm

  6. Just say you’re from farookin’ North Georgia.

    Comment by Velociman — January 16, 2005 @ 12:01 pm

  7. Pictures. Lots of ’em.

    Comment by david — January 17, 2005 @ 4:19 am

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