January 16, 2005

Custom Sendoffs.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 11:03 am


According to the manufacturer, this baby is:

Packed for the trip home. This “Express Delivery” parcel is well suited to become a fitting epilogue for one who has demonstrated the virtues of living life with a sense of humor.

I believe that the manufacturer is on to something here. This seems to be a natural for the whoopie cushion, squirting flower, joy-buzzer and fake dog turd kind of folks.

The manufacturer offers a variety of “Theme Caskets.”

Of course, I got to thinking about what kind of “Theme Casket” I would like. I think I’ve settled in on one made of the real dark wood (mahogany, I think) used in old bars, the kind of places that sell hardboiled eggs and smell like stale beer. On the casket I would like the logo of every kind of booze I have “sampled” in my life. Very cool, no?

However, on second thought, my plan would likely require “decorating” not just the top and sides of the casket, but also the bottom and inside of the damned thing as well.

I’ll have to think on this a bit more – perhaps over a drink.

A most grateful hat-tip to Lovely Rita at Res Ipsa Loquitur, who, even though an alumna of the University of Arkansas, was not particularly taken with the prospect of being sent to the hereafter in a University of Arkansas, Razorback theme casket.


  1. Thanks for correcting my Latin! I’ve always had trouble with that one. Maybe I should be like the Texas Aggies, who boast of a “Society of Former Students” instead of an alumni organization. Of course, being an Arkie, I’ve always said the name resulted from an inability to spell “alumni”.

    Comment by rita — January 16, 2005 @ 11:16 am

  2. Rita,

    We know how important Latin is. It is, after all, widely spoken in Latty.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — January 16, 2005 @ 11:20 am

  3. Ultimate In Tacky


    Trackback by Res Ipsa Loquitur — January 16, 2005 @ 11:21 am

  4. I opt for something a bit more dignified…even dead, I don’t want those around me gathering to point and laugh.

    Comment by jmflynny — January 16, 2005 @ 1:03 pm

  5. flynny –

    I’m still not completely sure about the casket, but I do want cocktails, even if a only in a limited variety.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — January 16, 2005 @ 1:08 pm

  6. Most of what little Latin I know I picked up in my high school science classes. They teach surprisingly little Latin in law school these days….though I do remember my CivPro professor cracking up at my pronounciation of ‘subpeona duces tecum’.

    Personally, a brown paper bag to hold my ashes will do nicely. I figure I’ll be dead. I won’t care.

    Comment by Rita — January 16, 2005 @ 7:56 pm

  7. Cupholders. That’s all I need.

    Comment by Mike Hill — January 16, 2005 @ 9:39 pm

  8. That’s still not as clever as a fake dog turd. Or plastic vomit, either.

    Comment by Acidman — January 17, 2005 @ 9:59 am

  9. In the not too distant past, coffins came equipped with a bell; in the event that the purported deceased was unfortunate enough to wake up inside the coffin, he could ring the bell and be restored to the bosom of his family (assuming, of course, the coffin was still above ground).

    Should I be interred in a coffin, I would like for the coffin to be equipped with one of these bells. To the bell I would like a small electric motor attached that would cause the bell to ring intermittently.

    Comment by aelfheld — January 19, 2005 @ 7:15 pm

  10. I’ve got mine all lined up…


    Comment by Evilwhiteguy — January 21, 2005 @ 1:33 am

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