January 19, 2005

What the World Needs Now….

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:28 pm

Blowing Nose.jpgThank you for the “feel better” wishes, but unfortunately I still feel like warmed-over shit. However the upside is that having a brand-new cold can be a source of blog fodder.

In that regard, I have decided that what the world needs now is a disposable handkerchief. I’m not talking about “tissues,” which are completely useless when one’s nose is generating mass quantities of viscous slop, often expelled with the muzzle velocity of an M-16. Kleenex (particularly the “pocket-sized” variety) is about as useful as a postage stamp when confronted with the blowage from a mucus-laden schnozzola. One needs two more of those useless bits of paper to clean up the resulting nasal and digital mess.

Regular handkerchiefs are not much better. They work for the first half-dozen or so blows, but after that they become a wet, disgusting, germ-filled rag that gets put back in one’s pocket. What a clever idea, walking around with a large piece of wet, snot-filled cloth in one’s pocket.

The closest thing I have found to a disposable handkerchief is a paper towel, a soft one like Bounty. One can tear off individual sheets and carry a couple at a time. They are each about the size of a handkerchief, they can handle serious nasal discharges, and, when they become soggy they can be tossed. The problem is that they look like paper towels, which may not be appropriate for certain social or business settings.

Yep, the world definitely needs a disposable handkerchief.

Oh, and a “healthy” cigarette that doesn’t taste like ass would be cool too.


  1. Oh, I hear you. From one who carries a half-dozen or so of the PLAIN WHITE select-a-size half sheet Bounty towels in her purse, pockets, and glove box. Just for the snot-blowing purpose. If they happen to come in handy for cleaning off the windshield or sunglasses, so be it. But they were THERE for snot.

    Comment by Shamrock — January 19, 2005 @ 10:01 pm

  2. Sticky kinda subject…slimy, too.

    Comment by Christina — January 19, 2005 @ 10:10 pm

  3. I think you owe it to your readers to drop about a half dozen NyQuil shots, pop a few Tavist-D’s and free-associate on your blog for an hour or two.

    Just an idea.

    Comment by zonker — January 20, 2005 @ 12:06 am

  4. flannel shirts… those sleeves are nice and soft…

    Comment by Gregor — January 20, 2005 @ 6:56 pm

  5. Gregor….ewwww!

    Jim. you might want to try those nice, triple-thick tissues. They’re about the only things that work.

    And, skip the ones with the lotion…they aren’t absorbent.

    Comment by jmflynny — January 20, 2005 @ 11:16 pm

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