PRS Operatives have learned that Senator Barbara Boxer, in conjunction with the Democratic National Committee and MoveOn.org, is considering a plan to kidnap rescue and deprogram women and people of color who identify themselves as Republicans or, worse yet, conservatives.

The plan involves members of MoveOn.org kidnapping rescuing people such as Condoleezza Rice, J.C. Watts, Lynn Swann and Michael Steele and removing them to an isolated area in Nevada where they will undergo intense and protracted deprogramming sessions. Most of the actual deprogramming will be conducted by Al Sharpton, a well-known spokesperson for the Progressive Movement.

While many of the details of the actual deprogramming process remain unknown, we have learned that the sessions will feature a montage of pictures of slaves and battered women juxtaposed with photos of Adolf Hitler, George McHitlerburtonchimpymissionaccomplishedrunkcollegefratboydrugaddledmoron, and Dick Cheney, all against an underlying sound bed of gangsta rap. Michael Moore will help with the audio-visuals.

Senator Boxer stated, “These pathetic creatures obviously have been victimized by the cult of republicanism. We suspect that the brainwashing process may have started early in their childhood when they were forced by their uncaring parents to study and work hard. But, with the dedicated deprogramming effort, we hope to bring them back to the place where they rightfully belong. There is simply no way that these people could have made a rational choice to be a republican.”

We understand that the deprogramming faculty will also include former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, Maureen Dowd, and Jesse Jackson. Mr. Jackson was quoted as saying, “If you look like me, no G-O-P!! No justice, no peace!!”

Developing

As my drill sergeant used to say, “LISTEN UP, PEOPLES!”

Now that I have your attention, I would like to point out that the VA Mortgage Center Blog is sponsoring a contest for the best military blog. Among the excellent blogs in the running is Sgt. Hook, and I would appreciate it if you would head over there and cast your vote for him (He’s the fourth one down on the list).

I have been a regular reader of Sgt. Hook for almost four years now, and he never disappoints. This active duty Command Sergeant Major** has the heart of a warrior, the soul of a poet and the skills of an accomplished author.

He is up against some stiff competition, including Matt of Blackfive, a gentleman with whom I have happily shared a pint. Hell, they’re all good peeps. But, this time I’d like your help putting Sgt. Hook into the Winner’s Circle.

Yo! A woid to youse Jersey Bloggers. Youse might be interested to know that Sgt. Hook is a native of – you guessed it – The Garden State!

It won’t take long to get over there now and vote, and you’ll only have to do it once, as only one vote per IP address is permitted.

Well, what are you waiting for, gott-dammit?

**Anyone who has been in the Army knows that one does not tangle ass with a Command Sergeant Major.

Thanks to the death grip that the democrat politicians and governor have on the state of New Jersey, taxes are astronomical, job growth stinks, the state is among the least hospitable to business, and residents are leaving in droves. This New Jersey blogger lays it out, and it’s not a pretty picture.

While the PRS Operatives are busy today chasing down boffo, MSM-scooping stories, I believe that, as the Editor-in-Chief and the Big Cheese, I will kick back and spend a bit of time with TJ and her hub. I need the break, because, frankly, the politics of the past week or so has been enough to gag a maggot.

Later.

PRS Operatives have obtained several memos indicating that that, on the heels of the SPEAKER’s rule prohibiting smoking in the hall outside floor of the House of Representatives, the SPEAKER will be announcing other changes she plans to institute in the over the coming weeks:

1. Opening Ceremonies. Each day’s session will commence with the members sitting on the floor in the front of the chamber and joining hands to sing Kumbaya. Members will be encouraged to make their own situpons and bring them to each day’s session. On Fridays, immediately following the opening song, Smores will be served.

2. Toilet Facilities. All of the men’s rooms in House, except one, will immediately be converted to ladies’ rooms. According to SPEAKER Pelosi, “Women have waited on lines long enough! Power to the Sit Pissers!”

3. Snacks. The SPEAKER stated in one memo, “The candy bar days are over. Medical science has definitively shown that eating candy bars not only harms the eater, but the exhaled second-hand chocolate gases are deleterious to those in the immediate vicinity of the candy bar eater. Inhalation of these gases result in chocolate addiction, which in turn contributes to obesity, diabetes and tooth decay.” Henceforth, only organically grown fruits and nuts will be permitted in the chamber.

4. Changes in Forms of Address. The SPEAKER has decided that she will not recognize Members to speak by referring to them as the “Gentleman from Missouri” or the “Gentle lady from Kansas”, but rather as “the Dude from Missouri” and the “Dudette from Kansas.” She stated, “It’s about time that the House of the Representatives got, like, groovy.”

Developing.

Thanks to my buddy, Gerry.

The SPEAKER has SPOKEN! It is comforting to see that her priorities are squared away.

I was at the Post on Sunday with the Usual Suspects having a couple cocktails and watching the New Jersey York Giants lose to play the Philadelphia Eagles. As you may recall, this was a game that would determine a shot at the playoffs. As such, the guys were paying close attention to the intricacies of the game, and I (at best a casual fan) found myself caught up in the game — sort of.

You see, while the other guys were focused on the strategy, tactics and the quality of the play, I could not help but focus on how often Eli Manning (the Giants’ quarterback) licked his farookin’ fingers before each play. Can I get a “EWWWWWWW”?

I think it’s safe to say that just about everyone agrees that one of the best ways to avoid becoming ill is by regularly washing one’s hands (at a minimum, always following toilet stuff and always prior to eating). Hell, even democrats and republicans can agree on that.

There’s nothing magical about the reason why washing one’s hands is effective in preventing sickness. Washing one’s hands prevents the nasties that reside on environmental surfaces from getting into our mouths by hitching a ride on our hands.

I also think that even democrats and republicans can agree that sticking one’s fingers (even washed fingers) in one’s mouth is not a particularly good idea.

During the course of the game, Eli (as part of his job) handles the football, which is also handled by dozens of other people (as part of their jobs). He also spends a fair amount of time with his hands in the dirt (he can thank his linemen for that), and he places his hands regularly between the legs of the center. I figure that by the end of the game, by licking his fingers, Eli has consumed frightening portions of other people’s sweat, spit, snot, blood, and ca-ca, not to mention, grass and dirt (including fertilizer, organic and chemical).

It probably makes no sense to try to educate Eli about the health benefits of not putting ca-ca, poo-poo fingers into one’s mouth, because despite the quantity and quality of yuck that Eli consumes every week, he appears to be the picture of good health. How’s about we tell him that if he stops licking his fingers, maybe he will throw fewer passes to the other team?

I liked this one, despite the omission of one very notable Garden Stater who happens to have great farookin’ hair.

N.B. I have not verified the Jersey bona fides of each person shown or the criteria for inclusion (e.g. Einstein was not born here), but I like it anyway and dat’s dat.