This Sunday at the Post, we made up a gallon or so of Apple Knockers, which consists of fresh apple cider into which one pours commercially available mulling spices and heats it to just shy of a boil. It is laced with a generous slug of Laird’s Applejack (New Jersey’s very own for almost 300 years – George Washington drank the stuff) and served with a cinnamon stick.

Once the spices, cider, Applejack and cinnamon stick sing in harmony, the drink smells wonderful and is simply delicious. So much so that it was happily quaffed by the all the Usual Suspects – except for my buddy Paulie. You see, Paulie is a Budweiser Man down to his bone marrow, and when he’s in top form he can keep the night shift working at the brewery. Spirits never pass his lips.

Still, I thought that he might just like an Apple Knocker. What’s not to like? So, I figured I’d offer him a sip of mine

:Me: “Yo, Paulie! Try this.”

Paulie: “Nah, I don’t drink that shit.”

Me: “Just taste it, fer Chrissakes; it’s apple goddamned cider with a little apple whiskey in it.” (offering him my cup)

Paulie: (Takes the cup and sniffs) “It smells like a f***ing candle!”

Which caused everyone anywhere near him to piss their pants laughing.

Paulie … I farookin’ love the guy.

Update: More about the infamous Paulie here. He absolutely slays me.

The Weblog Awards folks have verified the results of the voting for the 2006 Weblog Awards, and Parkway Rest Stop won in its category. Yesterday, I had planned to draft an acceptance speech, but instead I went to the Post to celebrate with the Usual Suspects (voters all) and toss back a few. So much for the acceptance speech.

Obviously, the press had gotten wind of the preliminary results, because for the past two days my phone has been ringing off the hook with requests for interviews. The NBC and CBS trucks are parked outside my house tying up traffic to a fare-thee-well and royally pissing off the neighbors. In fact, the cops had to arrest a guy down the street. He was really angry because his driveway was blockedby a huge CNN tractor-trailer. Prior to being arrested, he was throwing turds at my house and screaming, “A goddamned Blob Award? I got your goddamned blob right here!”

I suspect things will settle down in a few days, but in the meantime I will be putting together my plan to win the War on Terror, gain energy independence, solve the Social Security problem, and outlaw clowns of any description.

I’ll keep you posted.

Note: On a serious note, I would like to say that I found the competition to be a great deal of fun, which, after all, is really the point of it all. I was also introduced to some excellent blogs, which, but for the contest, I probably would not have gotten to read. Finally, I would like to commend the bloggers against whom I directly competed. They are all first class.

How many times have you heard Bing Crosby sing “White Christmas”, a song he introduced in 1942 and which is the best selling record ever in the United States?

You’ve heard it about a gazillion times, no?

Hum the tune to yourself. It’ll only take a moment. I’ll wait.

OK?

How many times have you seen the 1954 movie “White Christmas” starring, among others, Bing Crosby?

Probably somewhere shy of a gazillion, but still a few times, I’ll bet.

Here’s the question: In the movie, who sang the melody you just hummed to yourself?

Was it Bing?

No it wasn’t.

It was Rosemary Clooney. She sang the melody, and ol’ Bing sang the harmony part!

In addition, I also noticed for the first time that one of the main dancers in “White Christmas” was George Chakiris, who later went on to play the part of Bernardo in the movie West Side Story. Who knew?

I had these forehead slapping moments yesterday while watching “White Christmas” for the umpteenth time.

Damned if I don’t loin something every day.

Update: Should you be interested, here is a quiz you can take to determine how Christmas Movie Savvy you are. I scored a fair, at best, 6/10. Swiped from mtpolitics.net

The polls are closed. Yowza!

This campaign has been exhausting.

I had intended to visit all fifty states (with my Tom-Tom direction gizmo in tow, of course), but I never got out of Jersey. I had anticipated attending Country Fairs, kissing babies, playing guitar and making shirtsleeve speeches from the back of flatbed, but I never got out of Jersey.

Tim Russert, Bob Schieffer and George Stephanopoulos all wanted to pay my expenses to come to Washington to appear on their Sunday television broadcasts, but I never got out of Jersey. I was too busy to accept the invitation from the Today show, or to write the op-ed piece the New York Times was pestering me for.

Despite my failure to make all the campaign stops and guest appearances I had envisioned, as of 11:59 p.m. on Friday, it would appear that I received more votes than the excellent bloggers who were in the same finalist category. The rules clearly state that the voting is not official until the results are certified. I, therefore, shall wait for that to happen before I pour myself a generous helping of primo victory bourbon.

I’ll have more to say about my plans for the United States and the World in General once the results are certified, but now I must rest. All this frantic-paced Jersey campaigning has worn my sorry ass out.

It certainly would not be premature to thank all those who took the time to vote (and to vote regularly) for my silly site. Accordingly, here is a thank you for each of 572 votes.

THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU …THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU … THANK YOU and THANK YOU.

This number counts the nine times I voted for myself. I couldn’t resist, because, after all, I really am a swell guy.

You until 11:59 p.m. (Jersey Time) tonight to vote for Jimbo. Click on the Weblogs Award picture over there on the left. You can vote in all the categories by clicking here.

To vote for Jimbo, click the Weblogs Awards Picture on the left. You can vote in all the categories by clicking here. You can vote once every twenty-four hours until 11:59 p.m. on Friday. Nyuk Nyuk

You can vote for Jimbo once every twenty-four hours by clicking on the Weblogs Award sign in the left sidebar (of course, there is no right sidebar). You can vote in all the categories by clicking here.

Sometimes fine art trumps even very important things such as shameless campaigning for a Weblog Award. Such is the case when we learn that Dogette has posted this year’s first installment of the long-awaited Twelve Poops of Christmas Series.***

The series is best enjoyed with a nice glass of Champagne California Sparkling Wine.

*** Sometimes referred to by the cognoscenti (and her Medallion Level USERS) simply as the “12P” Series.

Update: Day 2 of 12P is up and can be found here. Catch the spirit!

Seems that lots of folks are weighing in on the 2006 Weblog Awards.

Tiki Barber
“If Jimbo were on the line, we’d have a lock on the Super Bowl.”

Nancy Pelosi
“Jimbo? So-so hair, no ass, lousy tits.”

Bozo
“Anybody what doesn’t like clowns is a turd in my book.”

David Letterman
“If Jimbo wrote my material, Jay Leno would be washing cars for a living.”

George Patton
“Vote for the sonofabitch! That is all.”

Yul Brynner
“Screw him and his farookin’ hair.”

Tim Russert
“The guy won’t return my calls. WTF?”

Barbara Walters
“Jimbo? He’s weally a gweat guy with gweat fawookin’ haiw!”

Vote for Jimbo today and every day until December 15th***.
He turns off his phone in restaurants.

***To vote for Jimbo, click the 2006 Weblog Awards button on the left sidebar. You’ll feel like you just had an excellent bowel movement.

Good evenin’ ladies and gentlemen. This is Elvis speaking.

Yeah, I know I’m dead; I didn’t need y’all to tell me that.

It’s just that I heard that Jimbo’s site is in the runnin’ for one of those Weblog Awards, so I thought I’d wait in line to get on one of the computers up here. Hell, I’m still not good with the damned things. Remember, when I arrived at my current address, the whole computer thing was just gettin’ off the ground, and I was too busy bein’ Elvis to pay much attention.

Anyway, there used to be plenty of computers available up here whenever I wanted to use one, but then that Rob Fella moved in, and all of a sudden everybody wants computer time. Getting more hardware and better wireless connections are things we’ll have to discuss with the Boss at the next Town Hall Meeting.

Anyway, I just wanted to let y’all know that I’ll be votin’ for Jimbo once every day between now and December 15th (Earth Time), and y’all should do so too.

Why? It’s simple. The boy’s got Elvis in him. Ain’t no doubt about that. His hair is almost as good as mine, he knows his liquor, he’s got the moves, and he loves cheeseburgers.

”Hey Gabriel! We got an hour before rehearsal. See if you can get me a deep-fried grilled cheese sandwich!”

S’cuse me; I was distracted there for a minute.

So, like I was sayin’, you’d make the King verah, verah happy if you’d click on the Weblogs Award Sign over there on the sidebar and vote for Jimbo. To vote in all the categories, click here.

Well, I gotta be goin’. Gabriel just showed up with my sandwich. Service is sure great up here.

Thank you verah much.