January 16, 2007

Nancy and Rosa — A Raise?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:35 pm

ancyN eyes.jpgAs the SPEAKER was nodding off while resting after her Botox treatment, working on her tan and a bottle of Cristal, Rosa, her housekeeper, was picking up empty bottles near the place where the SPEAKER was resting.

Nancy: Dammit, Rosa. Can’t you see I’m resting?

Rosa: I’m sorry Ma’am. I didn’t know you were sleeping.

Nancy: You didn’t know I was sleeping? Didn’t you see that my eyes were closed?

Rosa: No, Ma’am. I could not see your eyes, because you had them covered with – are they pickles?

Nancy: No, they’re not pickles, for Chrissake – they’re cucumber slices – organic goddamned cucumber slices.

Rosa: I’m sorry Ma’am. But, now that you’re awake, there is something I’ve been meaning to ask you.

Nancy: Well, now that you’ve screwed up my nap, you may as well ask. What is it?

Rosa: Remember a year ago when I asked if I could get a raise?

Nancy: Oh, Jesus. Is that what you want to talk about? I really don’t want to get into that shit all over again.

Rosa: I know you don’t like to talk about it, Ma’am, but I really am having trouble making ends meet on $2.50 an hour. I was hoping that you could raise my pay by a dollar an hour.

Nancy: Are you shitting me? That’s a forty percent increase!! You are one ungrateful cow! You think it’s all about money? Don’t I let you use the kitchen to make your lunch?

Rosa: Yes, but I bring my own food to cook.

Nancy: You think electricity grows on the friggin’ trees, Rosa? Christ, I give you all my old copies of People magazine, I give you two ten minute breaks a day, I give you my old lipsticks, and I let you take stale bread home to make whatever the hell it is you people make with it. On top of that you want to be paid $3.50 an hour? Don’t be ridiculous.

Rosa: Well, Ma’am. I just thought that, you know, when I saw you in the news talking about raising the federal minimum wage, you might ……

Nancy: What the hell are you saying?

Rosa: Please, Ma’am. I’m not asking to be paid the minimum wage, even though the lady at the Department of Labor said I was entitled to it.

Nancy: You called the Department of Labor?

Rosa: Don’t worry, Ma’am, I didn’t tell them who I am.

Nancy: You listen to me, bitch. You pull a stunt like that again, and I’ll ship your ass back to Shitholas, or whatever you call that dump you’re from.

Rosa: I apologize, Ma’am. It won’t happen again. I promise. But, what about the raise? I really could the extra money.

Nancy: No friggin’ way. You comprende? Now, bring me two fresh slices of cucumber and another bottle of Cristal.

Rosa: Right away, Ma’am.

Cadillac Tight.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:49 pm

After a too-long hiatus, he’s back.

Go look.

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